Tag Archives: wu tang clan

ACTION IS HIS REWARD!

5 May

spideys
1. The Amazing Spider-Man 2/Sony                      Wknd/$ 92.0   Total/$ 92.0
2. The Other Woman/Fox                                        Wknd/$ 14.2    Total/$ 47.3
4. Captain America: The Winter Soldier               Wknd/$ 7.8      Total/$ 237.1
3. Heaven is for Real/TriStar                                   Wknd/$ 8.7      Total/$ 65.6
5. Rio 2/Fox                                                                 Wknd/$ 7.6      Total/$ 106.5
6. Brick Mansions/Relativity                                   Wknd/$ 3.5      Total/$ 15.5
7. Divergent/LGF                                                        Wknd/$ 2.1      Total/$ 142.7
8. The Quiet Ones/LGF                                             Wknd/$ 2.0      Total/$ 6.7
9. God’s Not Dead/Free                                            Wknd/$ 1.8       Total/$ 55.6
10 Grand Budapest Hotel/FoxSearch                    Wknd/$ 1.7       Total/$ 51.5

UNLIKE NEW COKE THIS ACTUALLY WORKED
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 opens at number one and before we begin I’m going to drop some geek knowledge on you. The Amazing Spider-Man is the name of the comic book that started in 1962 (there’s a joke in the movie referring to 1961 for this reason, but obviously incorrect). Ultimate Spider-Man is the name of a new “updated” Spider-Man that started in 2000. And by “updated” I mean Uncle Ben had ponytail and 15-year-old Peter Parker’s job at the Daily Bugle is working on their website, not taking photos. It’s set in a different universe than the regular book where Peter Parker grew up and married Mary Jane (but then their marriage was dissolved when the Editor In Chief had the Devil destroy it; no, I’m not kidding), which still exists. The first Spider-Man trilogy was based more on the original Spider-Man from 1962, while this reboot was based more on the 2000 Ultimate Spider-Man. This doesn’t matter to you people, but to those of us who know it’s a little odd seeing traditional elements like the relationship with Gwen Stacy with the modern elements of Peter Parker’s dad being a scientist that worked with Norman Osborn (in the regular comic Spider-Man’s parents worked for SHIELD). In fact as the film opens we see him and his wife dying in a plane crash engineered by Norman Osborn (it was a plane crash for the SHIELD Agents too, but nothing more). It’s part of plot that makes Spider-Man closer to both Batman (avenging lost parents) and Superman (superpowered legacy of a scientist), but honestly he didn’t need it and it’s not why I enjoyed this film. No, I enjoyed it because this “got” Spider-Man better than any of the previous films did, due in no small part to Andrew Garfield’s performance. When in costume, Peter Parker is a straight up wise-ass that’s pure NYC (Queens, to be exact). That’s something Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi never fully accomplished, while I think they got Peter Parker right. Also, advance word of disappointment seriously lowered my expectations which helps almost every film, because when I hear it’s bad I fully expect to see the boom mike swing down and people staring at the camera. That’s obviously not the case here and while they do spend a little too much time trying to set up a franchise rather than make a single effective film, it still manages to shine through.

YOU’VE GOT ENOUGH GIFTS THERE ALREADY, SWEETIE.
The Other Woman is down to number two and I was going to let it go because she’s a kid and I think she’s sweet (you know you’re getting old when rather than ogle the hot swimsuit model you just look at her ago “Awww, she’s precious.”), but since Kate Upton has brought up her butt and how people should pay more attention to it, let’s get real: she ain’t got one, which is why that clip of Cameron Diaz freaking out over its perfection is ridiculous. Then again Cameron Diaz ain’t got no booty either so maybe it was big to her. But in the sad tradition of models since the late 60’s, below the waist, Kate Upton is built like a 12-year-old boy, possessing neither waist nor booty, showing you just how much illusion goes into swimsuit photography.

LIKE THE SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK SONG
Heaven Is For Real is hanging around at number three and I’d mention that “3” is traditionally number of luck, but that’s a pagan belief and I know the audience for this would hate that.

NOTHING ENDURES MORE THAN THE LUST OF A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY
Captain America: The Winter Soldier is down to number four and also in this is Jenny Agutter who is part of the UN Council that runs SHIELD (so why people keep insisting it’s American is beyond me), but best known for taking a generation of boys into adulthood in the early 70’s thanks to a willingness to disrobe. Geeks like me know her best from Logan’s Run in 70’s fashions that basically left her nude. Sigh. The 70’s….

WU TANG FOREVER
Rio 2 is down to number five followed by Brick Mansions at number six and I will never stop being amused at The RZA in movies, well after the Wu Tang Clan’s peak, which is when most rappers go Hollywood. It’s like he’s old enough not to give a crap any longer and does what he likes. If the name of the group wasn’t a clue, The RZA is down seriously with martial arts which is why it comes a no surprise he’s in this particular film. Now being on Californication? That I can’t explain. Or forgive.

SON OF A MAN CALLED HORSE
Divergent actually rises to number seven followed by The Quiet Ones down to number eight and in this as the scientist getting in over his head by toying with the supernatural is Jared Harris who looks just like his dad, the late great Richard Harris, but only the older Richard Harris. Unfortunately, he got none of dad’s young, blonde glory.

LAZARUS…BECAUSE I’M TOO SCARED TO SAY THE OTHER GUY
God’s Not Dead rises back into the top then, thanks it seems to that heaven movie. I guess you could say it was “resurrected.” Please don’t kill me, Christian crazies.

HAUNTING ME
Also returning in The Grand Budapest Hotel and if this continues I’ll have no choice but to see it.

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Former Boy Wonder Photo

SOMEWHERE TRON IS WEEPING

4 Nov

1. Wreck-It-Ralph/Disney                          Wknd/$   49.1            Total/$  49.1

2. Flight/Paramount                                    Wknd/$   25.0            Total/$  25.0

3. Argo/Warners                                           Wknd/$   10.2            Total/$  75.9

4. The Man With The Iron Fists                 Wknd/$    8.2            Total/$    8.2

5. Taken 2/Fox                                               Wknd/$    6.0            Total/$  125.7

6. Cloud Atlas/Warners                                Wknd/$    5.3            Total/$   18.3

7. Hotel Transylvania/Sony                         Wknd/$    4.5            Total/$ 137.6

8. Paranormal Activity 4/Parmount          Wknd/$    4.3            Total/$  49.6

9. Here Comes The Boom/Sony                  Wknd/$    3.6            Total/$   35.6

10. Silent Hill 2/ORF                                      Wknd/$    3.3            Total/$   13.9

WHAT? NO TRON? YES, I’M MOCKING THEM.

Wreck-It-Ralph opens at number one and this is a clear attempt by Disney to make their own Toy Story (that was Pixar, though the Pixar braintrust did contribute to this) and just like Toy Story it seems clear that certain games where just not down with being part of the movie—and just like Toy Story whomever made that decision is getting yelled at Monday morning when the box office results come in.  Seriously, who turns down king-of-merchandising Disney, now and then? Super Mario Brothers may not think they need the money, but they’re about to meet some shareholders who disagree and if there are sequels look for the other holdouts (I’m looking at you, Mortal Kombat) to suddenly become amiable like Mattel did with Barbie did for Toy Story 2 & 3 (when they turned down the first one).  Not that there aren’t tons of other cameos. Seriously, when Paperboy, Dig-Dug and Root Beer Tapper are showing up you know they’re not kidding around.  I have to wonder how many of these references the kids got because in the theater two little girls made their dad leave during the climax of the film because they were tired of it while a 30-year-old I know has seen it twice this weekend.  But that’s also a commentary on the run time and two hours is a lot for kids and as enjoyable as it is (that’s called “burying the lead”) the movie does bog down towards the end (the entire building a car sequence and learning to drive should have been cut).  I’m always willing to accept a longer running time for more character development, but it’s honestly not needed here.  Especially when Sarah Silverman voices that character. Even playing a character who’s supposed to be bratty, she still manages to go above and beyond the call of duty and almost undoes the sympathy the story generates for her.

ARBUSTO

Flight opens well at number two considering the selling point is basically Denzel Washington and nothing but Denzel Washington. You know you’re a megastar when a poster is basically you and you alone. Not even a tagline or anything. Just your face and your name.  I’m definitely going to see this when I have a chance (we had a little weather problem here that but a crimp in everything) if for no other reason than the rumored full frontal nudity from Nadine Vasquez, best known as Catalina from My Name Is Earl.  Now, how this is even remotely integral to the storyline is beyond me, but I think we all know that’s a crap line given to dumb actresses to get them naked. It also helps if, like in the case of Nadine, she was more successful yesterday than she is today.  But most of all it works on actresses trying to breakout…like say Eva Mendes when she did full frontal nudity in Training Day…which was also with Denzel Washington. Hmmm, I smell a trend. If you’re an attractive Latina actress your path to success is clear, goes through Denzel Washington and has a very specific dress code.

WU-TANG FOREVER!

Argo is down to number three, followed by The Man With The Iron Fists opening at number four and this is probably something I should see after a few drinks, given it’s written and directed by its star, The Rza of The Wu Tang Clan and directing, screenwriting and acting are not exactly three things he’s known for.  Let me put it this way: he’s playing the blacksmith in a small village in China in the 19th century.  Yeah.  Maybe more than a few drinks.  Not to mention his co-writer is Eli Roth who brought the world the Hostel franchise and I kinda despise the man’s existence overall.  So yeah, this is what I’ll use my last weekday movie pass for.

SOME PEOPLE PROCESS STRESS DIFFERENTLY

Taken 2 actually rises to number five and who decided, “You know, in the wake of all this death and destruction what I really need to see is a tall, 60-year-old Irishman kicking the living shit out of guys with weird accents.”  Yes, Liam Neeson is 60.  He was Gawain in Excalibur in 1981.  Also in Excalibur? Helen Mirren, Patrick Stewart and Gabriel Byrne. Talk about some aging well muthafuckas.

WHOOOOOO ARE YOU?

Cloud Atlas is down to number six, but normally this would not be a worry as this is what is known as Oscar bait, in that Oscar nominations were expected to boost box office returns…which means it’s in trouble because the one thing that would possibly garner them is makeup and it’s more ridiculous than it is sublime. Now, I get the casting of the same actors over and over again in the various storylines to connect them, but while the transformations are great like with Jim Broadbent, it’s utterly ridiculous in others, mainly the Neo-Seoul segment where almost all the actors credited are made Asian. But the worst has to be Hugh Grant in old age make up, which makes him look like Roger Daltrey.  Seriously. For a moment I thought it was actually Roger Daltrey. Hugh Grant is not young and doesn’t look it so there’s no point in the over-the-top job they do on him to make him look he could be Jim Broadbent’s brother.  And Hugo Weaving playing the a female nurse is just…why?

MISC.

Hotel Transylvania is still hanging around like an STD (you thought at a massive dose of Disney would have killed it) at number seven, followed by Paranormal Activity at number eight and Here Comes The Boom at number nine.

BILLS, BILLS, BILLS

Finally, Silent Hill Revelation 3D closes out the top ten at number ten and clearly some people had some car payments due because the casting is unusually distinguished for sequel to a crummy videogame movie.  Aside from Sean Bean and Radha Mitchell—who were in the first one and clearly wanted new cars to match the first ones they bought with the original film’s salary—there’s Martin Donovan, Carrie Anne-Moss, Deborah Kara-Unger and Malcolm McDowell.  Okay, maybe that last one isn’t a big surprise, but the others are usually in “real” movies, which have a notable lack of green screen.  Yes, the recession is real.  It may also be they signed on when Roger Avary was writing the screenplay.  He was Tarantino’s longtime writing partner and won the Oscar with him for Best Original Screenplay for Pulp Fiction. He’s currently doing time for vehicular manslaughter after killing two of his friends while driving wasted.