Tag Archives: Wolf of Wall Street

GUN TOTING ROBOTS

9 Mar

douglas-terminator-2-200809080518251
1. Chappie/Sony                                                   Wknd/$ 13.3   Total/$ 13.3
2. Focus/WB                                                         Wknd/$ 10.0  Total/$ 34.6
3. The 2nd Best Exotic Marigold Hotel           Wknd/$ 8.6    Total/$ 8.6
4. Kingsman: The Secret Service/Fox             Wknd/$ 8.3     Total/$ 98.0
5. The SpongeBob Movie/Par                           Wknd/$ 7.0     Total/$ 149.0
6. Fifty Shades of Grey/ Universal                   Wknd/$ 5.6     Total/$ 156.4
8. The Lazarus Effect/Relativity                       Wknd/$ 5.1     Total/$ 17.4
7. McFarland, USA/Disney                                Wknd/$ 5.3     Total/$ 29.4
9. The Duff/LionsGate                                        Wknd/$ 4.9     Total/$ 26.1
10. Unfinished Business/Fox                             Wknd/$ 4.8    Total/$ 4.8

THAT’S NOT HOW A ROBOT WITH A GUN IS SUPPOSED TO TALK
Chappie opens at number one and there was a time I’d be all over this. Robots!?! Robots with guns!?! Robots with guns fighting for the right to be sentient against bigger robots!?! Robots with guns fighting for the right to be sentient against bigger robots run by Wolverine and Ripley!?! But apparently my decades long run of being 14 has come to an end, because I really couldn’t muster up the interest to see this. Maybe it’s because I kinda think Hugh Jackman and Sigourney Weaver are right and aren’t really the bad guys here. Artificial Intelligence is dangerous. Especially when you give it a gun and authority. Suppose it sees us for the self-destructive, planet-killing fuck ups we are? This could be the prequel to The Matrix! The other reason is because that robot sounds so fucking stupid speaking of himself in the third person I couldn’t stand it. “Chappie’s got stories!?! Chappie’s got a book?” Well I’ve got cable and that’s where I’ll be watching this in about 9-12 months.

SOMEWHERE GRETCHEN MOL STILL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND
Focus is down to number two and the female lead in this is Margot Robbie who’s a legit “Hot New Thing” (against all odds she’s young and blonde) given she has actual accomplishments as opposed to just hype with nothing really to show for it. Last year she was the female lead in Wolf 0f Wall Street. Next year she’ll be in Suicide Squad with Will Smith and Jared Leto. A-list roles in A-list movies…with 40-something A-list males stars. That’s when you really know you’re hot; you making movies with superstars old enough to be your dad because they only want to next to the Hot New Thing. And you know who was originally supposed to be the lead in this? Ben Affleck, another 40-something. She probably won’t kiss a dude her own age until she’s the star of her own film, which should be any second now.

WELCOME TO THE DAYS OF PLAYING SOMEONE’S DAD
Speaking of aging Hollywood leading men, The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel opens at number two and joining this ensemble cast is Richard Gere, who can count on one hand the number of time he’s kissed a woman his own age on film and this barely adds to the list as his romantic interest is still younger than he is, albeit only by five years. As opposed to Winona Ryder, Julia Roberts, Diane Lane, Helen Hunt, Laura Linney, Hilary Swank…etc. Oh, sure Susan Sarandon played his wife twice, but he spent 90% of his time with JLo in one and in the other he had a 30-something mistress whom he actually touched.

NO GLEE FOR THIS (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)
Kingsman: The Secret Service is down to number three and as the villain sidekick with razor sharp prosthetic legs that she actually uses to kill and cut people in half is dancer Sofia Boutella. Never heard of her? Me neither, but she was a dancer with Madonna, did one of Lindsay Lohan’s desperate “look at me” magazine spreads and was part of the Nike campaign targeting women which was pretty awesome. Also she can do that dancer thing where she can put one leg straight up in the air, which I really, really really like. But she looks a lot like Lea Michele, which the notoriously competitive Michele surely doesn’t appreciate, because it’s one less big role she could have had.

GONNA KEEP BEATING THAT DEAD HORSE
The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water is down to number five, followed by Fifty Shades of Grey at number six and also in this is Jennifer Ehle who looked like she was headed for bigger things at one point, but maybe that’s because she looks so damn much like Meryl Streep and that may be a liability in a world where Meryl Streep is still taking big roles and has not one, but two daughters out there acting as well. I guess that’s why she’s now playing Dakota Johnson’s mom and showing up on shows like The Blacklist. Well, it’s a huge movie and she’s getting exposure, but don’t think for one second she’ll be swapping spit onscreen with men her own age like Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio and Will Smith.

AS DISAPPOINTING AS ONE’S ACTUAL TEEN YEARS
McFarland USA is down to number seven, followed by The Lazarus Effect at number eight and The DUFF at number nine, and this has made $27M off a $9M budget so it’s a modest hit. I feel for these kids and these weak-ass teen flicks. It’s been a decade since Mean Girls and nothing approaching it as come up. Ironically, when you can only draw in your target audience you’re a bit of a creative failure for a teen movie. Given everyone has been to high school and would be able to relate they’d all see it, not just kids.

THANK GOD JON FAVERAU IS TOO BUSY FOR HIM
Finally, Unfinished Business opens at number ten and honestly I can say I’m sad because Vince Vaughn crossed the line from appealing to annoying as fuck a few exits back. While it’s smart they paired him up with two other people to dilute his presence, he’s still the lead and therefore will continue to be as annoying as possible. In Old School you knew Luke Wilson (pre-bloat) was the leading man and Will Ferrell his comic relief. Vaughn was the third wheel and he was perfect there. It’s also the a blight on the comeback career of Sienna Miller who was not only in the biggest film of last year, American Sniper, but in two Oscar Nominated films (American Sniper and Foxcatcher).

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I, NOT A SEXY VAMPIRE

26 Jan

oldyounglion

 1. Ride Along/Universal                              Wknd/$  21.2            Total/$   75.4

 2. Lone Survivor/Universal                        Wknd/$  12.1            Total/$   93.6

 3. The Nut Job/ORF                                    Wknd/$  12.3            Total/$   40.3

 4. Frozen/Disney                                           Wknd/$   9.0           Total/$ 347.8

 5. Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit/Par            Wknd/$   8.8           Total/$   30.2

 6. I, Frankenstein/LGF                                Wknd/$   8.3            Total/$     8.3

 7. American Hustle/Sony                            Wknd/$   7.1             Total/$  127.0

 8. August: Osage County/Weinstein         Wknd/$   5.0            Total/$    26.5

 9. The Wolf of Wall Street/Par                   Wknd/$   5.0            Total/$    98.0

10. Devil’s Due/Fox                                        Wknd/$   2.8           Total/$    12.9

 

D.W.A. (DADDIES WITH ATTITUDE).

Ride Along holds the number one spot which I’m thinking Ice Cube appreciates more than Kevin Hart given it’s been a long time since he made money at the movies playing anything more than a dad with a ruff exterior but with a heart of gold and it’s not like he’s selling albums…

 

SOMETIMES A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR AND A SINGLE QUEEN JUST HASN’T MET THE RIGHT GUY

Lone Survivor holds at number two followed by The Nut Job also holding at number three, but Frozen steps up to number four probably because kids who went to see The Nut Job last week told mom and dad they wanted to see Frozen again.  It’s also got a growing audience who see it as a metaphor for not just her emerging sexuality, but her homosexuality, because as you may notice, Elsa never winds up with a dude and one is never introduced for her. There are also some who read every tiny action as an example of feminism, from the accommodating male character to the fact that Elsa governs alone. Yes, art is subjective, but I think they’re looking for Atlantis in a puddle. In other words, it ain’t deep enough for all that.

 

THE MOVIE STAR CIRCLE OF LIFE

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit drops one notch to five and you know who comes across decently? Kevin Costner.  It seems he’s finally adjusted to this “lion in winter” stage of his career and it makes sense he should given his biggest break was in someone else’s.  He was the young star for Sean Connery in The Untouchables two decades ago.  Now, between this and Man of Steel, he’s the mature male lead for the rising leading man (or rather would be if this weren’t tanking).  Lending instant legitimacy to the new guy as well as providing something for the moms to look at when they take their teenagers to the movies.

 

ME, HAD A GOOD TIME

I, Frankenstein opens weakly at number six which is a great disappointment to me, because I enjoyed this silly, silly movie from the same people who brought you Underworld, which was also silly, silly fun combining classic monsters with CGI.  It’s more of the same: secret war to save all mankind that’s been going on for centuries and now there’s been discovered a man who will tip the balance for one side unless the other side finds out why that is.  This time however it’s the super-strong immortal creation of Frankenstein wanted by demons for their nefarious plan, while—and hang on now—it’s gargoyles representing the angels on Earth defending mankind. Yes, gargoyles.  No, I don’t know why that is other than they look awesome flying around and smashing demons that descend to hell in a red fireball when they go down, while gargoyles ascend to the heavens in a bolt of blue-white light.  Granted it’s not as fun as Underworld because, let’s face it, the sexy decadence of vampires is missing.  There’s a reason people never get tired of them and often want to be them. Reanimated patchwork , demons and gargoyles? Not so much.  Also missing are the solid characters that made Underworld feel so fleshed out.  Nearly every substantial speaking role was different from the next and you felt the weight of a story behind them even if were untold. Selene, Michael, Kraven, Viktor, Lucien.  Even the minor roles of the vampire gunsmith, the werewolf scientist and vampire scheming for advancement where are distinct and memorable.  Not so much here. Only two demons are different from the horde and mainly because one is played by the writer/producer Kevin Giroux.  The gargoyles are even worse. The queen wants to save the monster (who rejects the Frankenstein name) while her right hand wants to destroy him. That’s it. Black and white. There are two others that seem to have personalities but in their five minutes of screen time aren’t given a chance to distinguish themselves.  Even a potentially interesting aspect isn’t revealed until they “ascend” so there’s no exploration of it whatsoever. Still, it was more fun than freaking Shadow Recruit, which deserved its January graveyard release date aka fast track to April home video release date.  It’ll be sitting right next to I, Frankenstein I’m afraid.

 

MUCH IN THE SAME WAY JOHN WAYNE WAS AN ACTOR

American Hustle drops one to number seven followed by August: Osage County holding at number eight and The Wolf of Wall Street holding at number nine and while I find Jonah Hill personally repellant to the point where I avoid his films (along with his frequent co-star, Seth Rogen) as much as possible only making exceptions for major stuff like this, I cannot deny he’s very good here. He didn’t deserve a best supporting actor nod for Moneyball but he definitely earned it this time. Then again, he’s playing a complete jerk and based on his interviews (and one horrible story told to me by someone who dated him at a party that I will not repeat) there may not be a lot of acting is going on beyond the Noo Yawk accent.

 

AND THE TRILOGY CONCLUDES WITH PRESCHOOL IN HELL

Finally, Devil’s Due closes out the top ten at number ten and with a $19M return off a $7M budget you can be sure that there will be a Devil’s Due 2: Deadly Daycare!

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