Tag Archives: wes anderson

EPIC-ISH

29 Jul

1. The Dark Knight Rises/Warners            Wknd/$   64.1            Total/$ 289.1

 2. Ice Age 4/Fox                                             Wknd/$   13.3            Total/$ 114.8

 3. The Watch/Fox                                          Wknd/$   13.0            Total/$   13.0

 4. Step Up Revolution/Summit                   Wknd/$   11.8            Total/$   11.8

 5. Ted/Universal                                             Wknd/$     7.4            Total/$ 193.6

 6. Amazing Spider-Man/Sony                     Wknd/$     6.8            Total/$ 242.1

 7. Brave/Disney                                               Wknd/$     4.2            Total/$ 217.3

 8. Magic Mike/Warner                                  Wknd/$     2.6            Total/$ 107.6

 9. Savages/Universal                                      Wknd/$     1.8            Total/$   43.9

10. Moonrise Kingdom/Focus                        Wknd/$     1.4            Total/$   38.4

 

THERE IS NO DO; THERE IS ONLY TRY

The Dark Knight Rises holds onto the number one spot despite the horrible incident in Colorado, because, sadly there’s no such thing as bad publicity. People probably would have gone anyway, but this atrocity made sure you saw “The Dark Knight Rises” on every TV screen, newspaper and website and considering no one could possibly blame the movie itself it translates in the end to pure awareness. That said, while I enjoyed it more than The Dark Knight, it’s not some kind of epic masterpiece.  Not even close.  I feel that we’re at the point where if you even try to make something with greater scope, try to take your time in telling a story and not rushing through it (to insure more showings at the theater for a greater take), people give you instant credit. Look at movies like The English Patient, The Last Emperor, Titanic and Gladiator.  Every last one of them utterly mediocre in their writing, but were long and pretty and BIG so they all got credit for being epic when they were not.  And much like anything Aaron Sorkin does, because The Dark Knight Rises gives the illusion of being smart referencing “real issues” it gets praise over it.  Because Nolan mentions there are rich and poor people in Gotham City, he gets credit for some kind of social commentary, but he really doesn’t address class structure at all.  The only suggestion that the poor are suffering is because Bruce Wayne blew most of his money on a clean energy device and didn’t have money left to give to an orphanage.  That’s not an example of “society.”  That’s a particular instance where a smaller good suffers in the pursuit of a greater good. That’s reflective of nothing of in the real world unless you think the 99% is a result of the 1% trying to make the world a better place. Nolan is so proud of addressing Bruce Wayne’s wealth, but Bruce Wayne is a total benevolent billionaire, which again is reflective of nothing at all.  The story itself is a slight rerun of the first as Bane comes to Gotham to destroy it, much in the way Liam Neeson was trying to destroy in the first film. He’s also from the same League of Shadows that Neeson ran that trained Batman. I’m down for suspension of disbelief, but you cross the line when you expect me to buy that the US Government would surrender a city on US soil for months.  Granted, Bane has a nuclear warhead that he hides by driving it around all the time, but the longer it goes on, the dumber you realize it is.  It was stupid in the comics when it was an earthquake that had Gotham City declared a disaster area and abandoned.  I won’t even get into how Batman gets “broken” about two hours into the film which means you know he’s got to “montage” himself back into health then save Gotham in about 20 minutes.  It’s an enjoyable mess, but a mess nonetheless. And Nolan still hasn’t learned that Batman’s costume looks pretty stupid standing around in the daylight.

 

MAYBE EVEN A FINE OR A SUSPENSION FROM THE LEAGUE

Ice Age 4 or 6 or 12 or whatever the hell number this one is holds at number two, followed by The Watch opening at number three and when you realize just how funny Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn were in Dodgeball you can’t believe what a clear disappointment this is.  Vince Vaughn’s motor-mouth routine has got to be one of the most irritating in movies. It worked in Dodgeball because he was relatively speaking the “straight man” in a wacky world.  When he’s supposed to be the funny guy, that shit gets old fast.  His five minutes in Mr. & Mrs. Smith were almost unbearable.  And now he’s teamed with Ben Stiller playing straight, (which is never a good idea) and the always-annoying Jonah Hill.  That’s already three strikes but to add some kind of 15-years-too late Men In Black storyline on top of it gets you flat out ejected from the playing field.  The only way it could have been worse would be to have Anthony Andrews or Martin Lawrence or Cedric The Entertainer as the token minority member of the group instead of some Brit comedian no one has ever heard of.

 

DANCE HAS NO COLOR…LITERALLY

Step Up Revolution is also the umpteenth edition of this franchise started by none other than Channing Tatum. He’s long gone, but like herpes, what he touched us with lingers on.  I love dancers, but I’m old so all this street dancing shit leaves me cold.  What made the first one even minimally appealing was the fact it was contrasting modern street dancing with more traditional types.  But since then it’s just been straight up “Hey, your crew vs. our crew” in a world where none of the best street dancers are ever minorities, which explains why it’s so popular.  That actually is a holdover from the first film.

 

FLASH! AHHHHH!

Ted is down to number five and there’s a running joke in this film based on the horrible Flash Gordon movie from the 80’s complete with Sam Jones himself appearing.  For that scene alone I will watch this on cable next year.

 

DOES IT MAKE MONEY? LISTEN,BUD…

The Amazing Spider-Man is down to number six and so far this is the lowest grossing Spider-Man film, which is to say it’s made under $700M dollars.  $655M is just not that impressive in the world of Spidey films, with the much-maligned third one making the most of all the previous three.  What amuses me about how much geeks hated it is their whining about how campy it was.  As opposed to what?  Did they miss the entire sequence in the second one set to “Raindrops Are Falling On My Head.”  Raimi never took it seriously, which was part of my problem with his take. This is more to my liking, geek that I am.  Though I hate the fucking costume.  Okay, you’ve proven you can make money. Let’s go back to the original for the sequel, okay?

 

AT LEAST SHE’S NOT TRYING TO RIDE ON GRANDPA’S COATTAILS

Brave is down to number seven followed by Magic Mike at number eight and the granddaughter of Elvis Presley, daughter of Lisa Marie, Riley Keough, is in this brief as the nothing-but-trouble girlfriend of Alex Pettyfer. Yeah, I have no idea what she looks like either and I saw the freaking film. She’s a former model, which makes sense, given Elvis and Priscilla were anything but ugly.

 

SPOILERS FOR A MOVIE YOU WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE

Savages is down to number nine and this didn’t totally tank which is a sigh of relief for the management of Taylor Kitsch, though it still is the summer of his complete and utter failure to launch a big screen career.  Oliver Stone is grateful too, because it means he’ll also get to continue his career of misogyny.  Now, I cynically joked that two women in this movie would mean they’d come to horrible ends at Stone’s hands.  I was half right.  From what I’ve learned about the book, Salma Hayek as the mob boss eventually kills Bencio del Toro and one of the two dudes who love Blake Lively dies.  In Stone’s movie however, Benicio Del Toro gets to live after kidnapping and raping Blake Lively (which I could tell from the trailer would happen and I tend to avoid movies where actresses I like get raped) but he winds up killing Salma Hayek and living to be try and become the next boss.  Also both dudes who love Blake Lively survive.  No thanks, Oliver.

 

CURIOSITY BECKONS THE CAT TO ITS DOOM

Finally, Moonrise Kingdom holds onto the number ten spot yet again and actually is a success, making $38M off a $16M budget, despite the fact that almost all the indie fans of Wes Anderson that I know despise it.  I guess this is his Midnight in Paris.  I think I may have to break down and see this.

 

THEY’RE NOT CARTOONS; THEY’RE ANIMATED FILMS!

With no movies I’ve been interested in seeing and the disappointment of The Dark Knight Rises I’ve finally been using my Playstation 3 for something and that’s to stream movies.  Of course these movies are Justice League: Doom and Superman Vs. The Elite.  Justice League: Doom is based on the comic book storyline “Tower of Babel” where Ra’s Al Ghul (the guy Liam Neeson played in the Batman Begins) steals plans Batman has to take out the Justice League in case they ever go rogue.  Now given every other week they’re brainwashed to do just that, this actually make sense, but because comic book writers are, well comic book writers, this pisses off the entire Justice League and Batman actually leaves for a short period when they vote him out.  In the movie version a different villain uses the plan and it’s somewhat changed because they use different members of the Justice League (no Aquaman here and different plans are used because they’re more visual than the original), but it’s still fairly entertaining and there’s some degree of suspense as the members of the JL fall one-by-one to plans they can’t outthink because their smartest member thought them up.  What saves them is the appearance of Teen Titan, Cyborg. Because he’s not a member of the Justice League he was never attacked and is able to help stop the attacks on others. I didn’t care for this because in the original story they have to figure it out themselves and this stinks of a current push inside DC Comics to make Cyborg more important a character, which he will never be.  Yeah, I know we need more prominent black superheroes, but this guy ain’t it.  Superman Vs. The Elite is based on a silly one-issue story called “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice & The American Way” which was a response to the popularity of more grittier comic books with heroes who killed people, specifically a one called The Authority which regularly poked fun at other superhero books by having their version of Superman and Batman a gay couple and had an entire storyline where a group based on The Avengers with the Captain America analogue raping anyone he defeats—in this case gay Superman analogue (in revenge the Batman analogue would take a jackhammer to his back while the Superman analogue would vaporize his legs).  In the Superman story a group based on The Authority shows up and wins public acclaim for finally dealing harshly with dangerous supervillans, which leads to a showdown with Superman where he actually outthinks them, which is somewhat novel in a Superman comic.  The movie—whose animation style took a moment to get adjusted to—follows the basic plot. People are bothered that Superman won’t deal harshly with bad guys and basically make the world a better place through force, so when a new team shows up ready to break a few necks they’re embraced. Clearly Supes doesn’t care for the whole death thing and it leads to a big fight.  This was supposed to a reaffirmation of Superman’s values, but the problem here is the same problem with the comic: once they started to embrace super-murderous villains in the 80’s, it does make it seem pretty stupid not to kill them.  The way the story should have been is that no one survives in a world where we’re all judged justly.  You cheer when a murder dies, but what happens when you’re judged for buying a bigger TV you don’t need while people are starving?  But no, it came down to showing Superman beating the crap out of people who killed terrorists and murders.  There is a story out there about the validity of Superman’s principles. This just wasn’t it.  I’m so glad I started renting these things before buying them, ‘cause I would have been pissed to have dropped more money on this.  Seeing a seemingly unhinged Superman cut loose is definitely fun for a moment, but not $20 worth of fun.

 

TV, I LOVE YOU

Again, I love that the TV seasons never stop now.  The latest show on is Sullivan & Son, which is a bit of a break-through as the lead character is clearly Asian and dates white women.  The downside is, he looks pretty white so it’s not like he’s that threatening. Also, he’s half-Asian and is playing half-Asian and if you miss it, there’s a joke every five seconds about the fact he’s half-Asian.  I can think of worse ways to spend half-an-hour before going to sleep…which is usually how I watch it.

 

IT’S RAINING ABS

2 Jul

1. Ted/Universal                                                Wknd/$   54.1            Total/$  54.1

 2. Magic Mike/Warner                                    Wknd/$   34.0            Total/$  39.2

 3. Brave/Disney                                                Wknd/$   34.0            Total/$ 131.7

 4. Madea’s Witness Protection/LGF            Wknd/$   26.4            Total/$  26.4

 5. Madagascar 3/Dreamworks                       Wknd/$   11.8            Total/$ 180.0

 6. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter         Wknd/$     6.0            Total/$  29.0

 7. Prometheus/Fox                                           Wknd/$     4.9            Total/$ 118.3

 8. Moonrise Kingdom/Focus                          Wknd/$     4.9            Total/$   18.4

 9. Snow White & The Huntsman/U              Wknd/$     4.4            Total/$ 145.6

10.People Like Us/Touchstone                       Wknd/$     4.3            Total/$    4.3

 

IF YOU SAW THIS, YOU’RE IMMATURE, OUT OF SHAPE AND A YOU HAVE A TINY PENIS

I have to give it up to the marketing people at Universal. Opening Ted—a movie made for men with the emotional maturity and sense of humor of a 14-year-old—against Magic Mike was a stroke of sheer genius. Many men were clearly threatened by it and what better place for them to take solace than a comedy from the creator of Family Guy?  The theater must have stunk with the smell of testosterone and fear.  I’ve never been a fan of Family Guy for the reasons everyone from the writers of to South Park to the writers of The Simpsons (who have both mocked Family Guy on their shows) has given: it’s lazy, immature humor. Now the idea that a childhood toy coming to life to still be with you getting drunk and watching 25 years later is actually funny. Funnier still is that no one thinks it’s a big deal any longer because of America’s short attention span.  What isn’t funny is pretty much every joke in the trailer.  Ooh, look! The stuffed bear talks dirty!  Oh, look he’s being dirty again. And again. Oh, and again.  Really, that’s it?  That’s all you can do with this premise?

 

IF YOU SAW THIS YOU DON’T WANT ANYONE WHO SAW TED

Magic Mike opens at number two, but it’s already made over 5 times its $7M dollar budget, which makes it as successful as The Avengers in its first week alone. It’s this year’s Sex & The City, meaning the movie you and your girlfriends go to on girl’s night out.  And when I say “girlfriends” I don’t necessarily mean all women either.  The movie was also marketed very well as a girl’s night out event, which ironically helped Ted as it sent an entire group of men in the opposite direction. Good thing too, because I’m pretty sure if all the theaters were like the one I went into in Chelsea with lasers, a DJ and shirtless go-go boys they wouldn’t have lasted very long.  That said, the simple fact it’s about male strippers is about as edgy as it gets.  The story is oddly very old fashioned and if you replaced “stripping” with virtually any other type of entertaining, it’s the same thing.  They could be stand up comedians and the story of the older, but relatively young guy taking a newbie under his wing only to see him let the success go to his head spiral out of control, threatening to take the older guy down with him.  In addition the older guy is falling for the younger guy’s sister.  If you made it in the 50’s they could be rock & roll musicians.  If you made it in the 40’s they could be lounge singers (if they’d made it in the 70’s it would still be strippers, but with it would probably end with a body count to rival Hamlet.).  It’s the same story and the reason they keep using it is because it works, like Pygmalion or Cinderella.  A rise and fall alongside a fall and rise with a little romance thrown in.  It’s a good stock plot on which to justify lots and lots of barely clad men with no bodyfat.  This is the other reason boys fled to Ted.  It reminded them that women also have ideals of physical perfection that they will never, ever meet.  Seriously, some of these guys look like comic book characters they’re so cut and defined. It’s ridiculous.  And intimidating.  So much so I’m doing crunches as I type this. And by “crunches” I mean “eating chocolate caramels.”

 

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, LADIES

Brave is down to number three and this is somewhat sad given how Madgascar 3: We’re Not Even As Good As A Bad Pixar Film held the stop slot for weeks.  But it hasn’t even made budget worldwide which is not good because they’re going to blame it on a female lead, especially right after The Princess & The Frog also disappointed, but the truth is neither film was that good. Now Mulan was successful despite being a musical. Know why? It was good.  See, not that hard.

 

SCIENCE FICTION IS “TYLER PERRY’S GOOD MOVIE”

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection opens at number four, followed by Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted at number five with Prometheus down to number six and if you needed another reason to hate this movie, know that it’s inspired Tyler Perry to try and make his own science fiction movie because he was so disappointed by it and loves science fiction.  I’m going to assume you love good movies too, Tyler, but it’s never resulted in you making one.  You know who else loves science fiction?  Eddie Murphy. The results?  The Adventures of Pluto Nash and Meet Dave.  Oh, and there’s this guy George Lucas who also couldn’t make a good science fiction movie if his life depended on it, but I’ve no doubt he loves them as well.

 

GIVING A BRUTHA HIS DUE

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is down to number seven and also in this is Anthony Mackie as Lincoln’s best friend since childhood who helps him fight the vampires.  His role is actually based on Lincoln’s servant who, when he died Lincoln had buried in Arlington of all places and on his tombstone inscribed “Citizen.”  Hmm. That’s pretty heavy for a butler.  Are we sure this is fiction?

 

THE MOVIE WHERE BEING CUTE WAS APPROPRIATE

Moonrise Kingdom re-enters the top ten at number eight and while I’m still taking the advice of friends I respect and not seeing this, I did finally catch The Fantastic Mr. Fox on-sale at Best Buy for just $10.  This had the misfortune to be released at the same time as Up, because honestly it’s on par with the best Pixar films and would have deserved the Academy Award just as much.

 

ONE THING MAKES PERFECT SENSE. THE OTHER NOT SO MUCH

Snow White & The Huntsman is down to number nine and People Like Us enters the top ten at number ten with Chris Pine as Elizabeth Banks’ unknown half-brother and Michelle Pfeiffer plays his mother.  I always like it when gorgeous movie stars play the parents of other pretty people. It makes more sense than when you have these average-looking people as the parents to these stunning individuals.  It’s also more fun.  And if you’re looking for a reason to be angry at the universe, know that Olivia Munn has two films in the top ten this week. Yeah, her.

IN SPACE NO ONE CAN SEE YOU’RE A MORON

10 Jun

 

1. Madagascar 3/Dreamworks                       Wknd/$   60.4           Total/$  60.4

 2. Prometheus/Fox                                           Wknd/$   50.0          Total/$  50.0

 3. Snow White & The Huntsman/U              Wknd/$   23.0          Total/$  98.5

 4. MIB 3/Sony                                                   Wknd/$   13.5           Total/$ 135.5

 5. The Avengers/Disney                                  Wknd/$   10.8           Total/$ 571.9

 6. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel/Fox       Wknd/$    3.2            Total/$  31.0

 7. What To Expect When…/LGF                   Wknd/$    2.7            Total/$  35.7

 8. Dark Shadows/Warners                             Wknd/$    3.9            Total/$  70.8

 8. Battleship/Universal                                   Wknd/$    2.3            Total/$  59.8

 9. The Dictator/Paramount                            Wknd/$    2.2            Total/$  55.2

10. Moonrise Kingdom/Focus                        Wknd/$    1.6             Total/$   3.8

 

HAPPY FEET…OF DEATH

Madagascar 3 opens at number one and I checked out on this lame franchise after the first one. The penguins were great, but it’s not about them. It’s about these four boring characters whose only real purpose seems to be to give Jada Pinkett Smith some semblance of a movie career. Speaking of those penguins, it’s been a common discussion on the internet but just in case you missed it, if you remember the first film you know that the penguins took over the ship and put the humans off in lifeboats.  Well, in that part of the world there’s no way they would have survived long enough to make it to civilization, so in effect they were murdered by a bunch of crazy penguins.  Now that’s funny.

 

COMING SOON: JAMES CAMERONS PROMETHUSES!

Prometheus opens at number two and this warms my heart just a tad as I do not like Ridley Scott and flat out hate his fervent fanbase who insist that Blade Runner is the greatest science fiction film of all time. It’s not. It may be the most beautiful, but it’s cold and empty, which is typical of a Ridley Scott film. Looks great, but with a heart of ice.  I didn’t expect this to be any different and I was right.  Basically a prequel to Alien because Scott was convinced someone besides himself thought the dead alien pilot they found in the first film was interesting, the film takes two hours to explain what anyone with a brain knew: the ship was transporting eggs, one got loose and killed him.  But even Ridley Scott knew that wasn’t enough so the actual plot is on how life on earth may have been founded by that same race of aliens and an expedition is sent off to find them, led by the absolute dumbest, most deserving-to-die bunch of scientists you’ve ever seen.  Seriously, if the goal was to have a cast of people you want to see eaten, Scott succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.  There are actually two scientists who quite rationally flee any type of contact with alien life, but when they come face-to-face with it, literally stop to fucking touch it and you can imagine how that turns out for them.  I won’t even get into the scientist who’s driving this entire thing (Noomi Rapace, the original Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) doesn’t do so based on any actual science, but faith alone. Sorry, but that’s the exact opposite of a fucking scientist.  Her boyfriend, who is also supposedly a scientist, gets drunk in a petulant hissy-fit because when they arrive on the planet all they find initially are corpses.  Seriously!?!  You find proof of intelligent alien life, the exact alien life you were looking for along with their technology and you’re butt-hurt because they’re not there to have a conversation with you!?!  Somebody get this guy a face-hugger quick. The saving grace of this film is Michael Fassbender as the android David.  He carries this film on his back and honestly when the most interesting and sympathetic character onscreen isn’t even human you’ve failed.  Still, like the original android in the Alien series, he’s not quite to be trusted, but at least in his case he’s earned it as pretty much everyone on the ship treats him like utter crap.  What’s funny is that his time alone while the humans are in hypersleep is pretty much the same of that as Wall-E, except he watches Lawrence of Arabia, rather than My Fair Lady. So don’t piss off Wall-E, you fat bastards.

 

BLUDGEN-Y

Snow White & The Huntsman is down to number two giving Charlize Theron two apparently successful, yet ultimately mediocre films in the top ten wherein she plays blonde ice queens.  Alfred Hitchcock would have loved her.  She’s come a long way since her catfight with Teri Hatcher in 2 Days in the Valley, which launched her career.  Also in this movie are a who’s who of crotchety old English dudes in Bob Hoskins, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Toby Jones and Nick Frost…as the Seven Dwarves.  Seriously.  Only because this movie is all serious and shit, they don’t have names like Dopey and Doc because they’re warrior dwarves.  Yes, I’m still serious.  Still, they could have had names like “Killy” and “Stabby” and “Throat Slitty.”  Apparently actual little people are somewhat pissed at losing work over this and I suppose they have a point. These guys work in regular films all the time.  Not too many dwarves get cast as the CEO of a company or a police chief unless it’s a joke and even those jokes are few and far between.

 

HI, I WAS HOT FOR 15 MINUTES IN 2007

Men In Black 3 is down to number four and also in this for about five minutes is the former lead singer of The Pussycat Dolls, Nichole Scherzinger.  Yeah, no one in the audience cared either.

 

MMMM, YOU SMELL LIKE LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL

The Avengers is down to number five and they’ve started to rerun Chris Evans’s Gucci commercial from two years ago to try and catch a little heat from its billion dollar success.  Yeah, that’d be a good idea if the thing weren’t so freaking stylized you can’t tell who the fuck that is.

 

JOHN CANDY COULD NEVER MAKE IT TODAY

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel holds at number six with What To Expect When You’re Expecting holding at number seven and Battleship down to number eight and you know who else is in this?  Freaking Turtle from entourage.  I couldn’t tell you where but that’s understandable given he’s lost about a hundred pounds and no longer looks like himself.  Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen and now Jerry Ferrara would like you to know that while it’s still better to be a fat dude than a fat girl, it’s still not good to be fat in Hollywood.  And now you know why I never made it as an actor.  More chicken fingers over here!

 

WE’RE JUST GOING TO IGNORE THE OCEAN’S 11 SEQUELS, OKAY?

The Dictator is down to number nine, followed by Moonrise Kingdom entering the top ten at number ten.  Now I do like Wes Anderson, but like so many indie filmmakers he has a tendency to be a tad too precious and whimsical for the sake of being precious and whimsical and when it works it’s amazing. Unfortunately it misses more than it hits and this looks like one big cutesy, twee, eccentric miss.  The only thing it’s missing is fucking Zoey Deschanel.  Sadly, he may sit alongside much, much, much lesser talents like Kevin Smith and Ed Burns as guys whose first films that suggested so much more, but soon stood out as actually the best they could do.  Makes you realize just how impressive Steven Soderbergh is to make sex, lies and videotape and to just keep getting better.

 

“IT’S DAGGONE ELEMENTARY THAR WATSON”

The summer TV season has kicked off and on my list was Longmire, based on a series of books by the same name.  It’s about a sheriff in Wyoming and it’s done in a very laconic, style, which I suppose, is another word for slow, but I prefer “deliberate.” It’s setting a style and mood in a Clint Eastwod kinda way and I appreciate it (while ironically hating when Eastwood does it), but I understand why others may have fallen asleep.  Longmire is a sheriff slowly beginning to crawl out the hole of grief he went into when his wife died a year previously, but it’s too little, too late for his deputy who is now running against him in the next election creating serious office tension. His other deputy is Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, who is a former homicide detective from Philadelphia, which we learn in a clumsy piece of expository dialogue in the first five minutes.  His best friend is Lou Diamond Philips who runs the local bar and apparently will serve as his unofficial liaison to the Indian reservation where Longmire has no jurisdiction and less help since he put their police chief in prison. Basically, it’s a western wrapped around a police procedural and I’m okay with that. The pilot was bit clumsy but most are, so I’m willing to give it some time to grow.

 

JUST DON’T BLOW ANYONE ONSCREEN, HONEY

One hallmark of an indie film is the number of visible moles on the stars.  Hollywood likes people to be perfect, but in indie town we keeps it real. Sadly this is what was on my mind during Lola Versus because it’s not like what was going on onscreen was all that compelling.  I was down for a little shot-in-NYC indie romantic comedy about a girl dealing with her life after he fiancée breaks up with her, but because it’s indie I was expecting something different than what I’d find Kate Hudson doing and aside from a few raunchy moments, that simply didn’t happen.  It’s so freaking conventional I’m surprised “Suddenly I See” doesn’t appear on the soundtrack during the montage sequence (yes, there is a montage sequence where she “finally pulls it all together”).  In addition to that crap we get a dirty-talking, man-hungry female sidekick, a nice sensitive male best friend who becomes a love interest, wacky parents, funny co-workers…etc.  And aside from a few witty wisecracks here and there, does nothing to elevate or re-imagine the concepts.  Greta Gerwig is the Lola of the title, but honestly she should be called Chloe Sevigny 2.0 because that’s who she looks like, that’s who she sounds like and that’s who she acts like, but I guess since Sevigny put Vincent Gallo’s dick in her mouth onscreen people have been looking for a new one.  One advantage Sevigny definitely has is nudity, because it’s utterly stupid that Gerwig and even the guys are constantly having sex with their shirts on.  Yeah, that’s the kind of edge you expect from indie film—or Lifetime TV.