Tag Archives: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

NEW YEAR, SAME CRAP

4 Jan

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1. The Hobbit: Battle of the 5 Armies         Wknd/$ 21.9    Total/$ 220.8
2. Into the Woods/Disney                             Wknd/$ 19.1    Total/$ 91.2
3. Unbroken/Universal                                  Wknd/$ 18.4   Total/$ 87.8
4. The Woman in Black 2/Relativity           Wknd/$ 15.1    Total/$ 15.1
5. Night at the Museum: Secret…                 Wknd/$ 14.5   Total/$ 89.7
6. Annie/Sony                                                  Wknd/$ 11.4    Total/$ 72.6
8. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Pt.1     Wknd/$ 7.7      Total/$ 323.9
7. The Imitation Game/Weinstein               Wknd/$ 8.1     Total/$ 30.8
9. The Gambler/Paramount                          Wknd/$ 6.3     Total/$ 27.6
10. Big Hero 6/Disney                                    Wknd/$ 4.8     Total/$ 211.3

LITTLE BIG MAN
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies holds at number one and I wonder about the future of the actors who play dwarves, because honestly that’s how I see them, even though I know the actual actor, Richard Armitage, who plays Thorin, the leader and king, is 6’2”. You think he shows up for auditions and people are like, “Oh. We thought you’d be…shorter. Sorry.” Notice how the only people in the Lord of the Rings trilogy who really got boosts in their careers played regular sized people. Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom even Ian McKellan. None of The Hobbits found a lot of leading man work, much less Brian Blessed as the dwarf (he’ll always be Voltran the Hawkman who stole the Flash Gordon movie). Martin Freeman’s lucky he already had an established career before he took on the role of Bilbo or he’d be lucky to have a TV show on basic cable talking to a man in a dog suit. Sorry, Elijah.

THE POINT IS THERE IS NO POINT TO BE MADE
Into the Woods rises to number two and in this are Emily Blunt and Meryl Streep, reuniting after both being nominated for Oscars for The Devil Wears Prada. Meanwhile, their other co-star, Anne Hathaway, who wasn’t nominated actually won an Oscar for a musical. I don’t really have a point. I just thought that was interesting and a tad ironic. And this is doing relatively well. Are we really seeing a comeback of the musical? God, I hope not.

IT CAN BE A SOAPY BATH TOO. I’M NOT INFLEXIABLE
Unbroken is down to number three and this was directed by none other than Angelina Jolie and it remains odd that anyone anywhere would give her money to direct a film that she’s not even in (this is her second). Usually, it’s a Stallone kinda thing where he can direct all he wants so long as he’s also in front of the camera shooting people. Or Eddie Murphy, so long as he’s being funny in front of the cameras. You’d think to give Jolie a film there’d be an insistence she at least play the girl back home waiting on him to return…who takes long, soapy showers. Well, that’s what I’d have demanded anyway.

IT’S COLD & DARK IN THE THEATERS RIGHT NOW
The Woman In Black 2: Angel of Death opens at number four and here’s your first clue it’s January, one of the traditional dumping ground of films. August is the other time period. This is where you drop films that you feel can’t handle any real competition. And it didn’t. It’s literally the only wide release this week…and still couldn’t break the top three. But if it cost as little as the first, then it may not matter. That was only $15M with Daniel Radcliff as the star. This has no one so may have been even less, which meaning it’s already made budget.

BETTER OR WORSE THAN BEING LIZ HURLEY?
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb is down to number five, followed by Annie at number six and The Imitation Game picking up steam to rise to number seven and also in this is Keira Knightley who may have mixed feelings about this being a success. Obviously it’s good to be in a well-reviewed successful movie, but once again it’s a period piece for her. She’s become the new Helena Bonham Carter…which means she’d better get used to it.

THERE ARE NO SMALL JOBS, ONLY SMALL ACTORS
The Hunger Games: The Mockingjay Part 1 is down to number eight, followed by The Gambler at number nine and also in this is Jessica Lange who’s having a bit of a resurgence in her career thanks to being the only reoccurring cast member on American Horror story, playing different yet similar characters. So maybe that FX show may work for Elijah Wood after all. Oh, wait. It was already cancelled. Whoops.

THEY’VE A YEN FOR SUCCESS. GET IT?
Finally, Big Hero 6 returns to the top ten at number ten and this is finally going to see a general Asian release which it kinda needs given that it has yet to make 3x its budget, our usual rule of thumb for a successful film. Though recent information has suggested that really needs to happen domestically because the bulk of international grosses stay international and the Hollywood take can be as little as 14%. But given this is Disney, they’re probably going to make their real money off the merchandising so it matters little. Thanks for nothing, Cars.

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IT’S FINALLY OVER

22 Dec

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1. The Hobbit: Battle of the 5 Armies       Wknd/$ 56.2     Total/$ 90.6
2. Night at the Museum: Secret…            Wknd/$ 17.3     Total/$ 17.3
3. Annie/Sony                                           Wknd/$ 16.3     Total/$ 16.3
4. Exodus: Gods and Kings/Fox              Wknd/$ 8.1       Total/$ 38.9
5. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Pt.1  Wknd/$ 7.8       Total/$ 289.2
6. Wild/FoxSearchlight                             Wknd/$ 4.2       Total/$ 7.2
7. Top Five/Paramount                             Wknd/$ 3.6       Total/$ 12.5
8. Big Hero 6/Disney                                Wknd/$ 3.6       Total/$ 190.4
9. Penguins of Madagascar/Fox              Wknd/$ 3.5       Total/$ 64.2
10. P.K./UTV                                             Wknd/$ 3.5       Total/$ 3.5

FREE AT LAST!
The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies opens at number one and our long national nightmare is finally over. Seriously, the biggest complaint about these films even before they were made was that stretching the one novel into three films was a shameless money grab and nothing makes is clearer than this one. It’s like watching the final battle of Star Wars stretched out over three hours. You know Smaug, the dragon whose appearance single-handedly saved the second film? Dispatched in the first ten minutes. Now, you’re probably wondering why couldn’t that have been in the second film. What part of “shameless money grab” did you not get? The only thing I felt at the end of this film was a sense of relief that I’d never have to go through it again. Thankfully, the Tolkien family has refused to license the other books so we won’t have to…until they decide to remake them. You know they will.

NEXT UP: THE MUSEUM OF FURNITURE!
Speaking of shameless money grabs, Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb opens at number two and the first film was only barely entertaining, so I didn’t come back for number two. Apparently I was alone in this because here comes number three and it looks awful. When a monkey peeing on people is one of your selling jokes you’re clearly out of ideas. They’re also running out of museums, because when you think America it’s New York and Washington (sorry, Chicago and don’t make me laugh, LA), which have been done and this is the London museum. What’s next? I’m pretty sure the Louvre doesn’t lend itself to wacky hijinks. I hate to say it, but the only good thing about Robin Williams’ death is that they can’t make any more of these. Oh, shut up. You were thinking it too.

PLUS I HATE EVERY SONG I’VE HEARD FROM IT
Speaking of remakes, this is the color-blind remake of Annie which is a good thing ostensibly speaking, but it’s still a musical so I still don’t care.

SUDDENLY EDWARD G. ROBINSON LOOKS GOOD
Exodus: Gods and Kings is down to number four and to give you an idea of how wrong-headed this movie is John Turturro is Seti. Yeah. That kid from Breaking Bad with the gravelly voice? Joshua. Yeah, it just keeps getting worse

HOLLYWOOD ROYALTY, BABY
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 is down to number five, followed by Wild jumping up to number six and also in this is Laura Dern. Hey, girl! Where you been? Oh, that’s right. On HBO. She’s been getting better notices for this than the star, which I’m sure is going over well given this was her comeback vehicle, not Dern’s.

HOW DID AUNT TOM FEEL ABOUT THIS?
Top Five is down to number seven while most of the film is good and I give it special points for taking not one, but two shots at Tyler Perry it unfortunately itself relies on distasteful cliché of far too many films from Black filmmakers: homophobia. This is coupled with the other sad cliché of romantic comedies that any rival for the lead characters affections not only lose, but fail in their own right. Gabrielle Union as Chris Rock’s reality star fiancée can’t just lose him, she has to be every horrible thing you expect Kim Kardashian to be. Rosario Dawson’s boyfriend likewise can’t just lose her to Chris Rock, he has to turn out to lying her to her this entire time as he’s actually gay, or at best bisexual. And the “big joke” is how she should have known by what he asked for in bed. Seemed he liked a little ass play, as if that makes a man gay. The same men who think this are the same guys who are obsessed with sodomizing their girlfriends. I got news for you, dude: ain’t nothing in her ass that’s not in yours, so if she can learn to enjoy it so can you. Of course we have see him naked on all fours begging for something to be shoved up his ass, ‘cause now he’s the bitch. Get it? Sigh. It’s really so far beneath this film I have trouble believing the otherwise intelligent Rock not only wrote it, but also filmed it, saw the footage and still didn’t see a problem. Then again, he also sees himself as a romantic lead.

SOME THINGS ARE JUST UNIVERSAL
Big Hero 6 is down to number eight, followed by Penguins of Madagascar at number nine and opening at number ten is P.K. Yeah, I don’t know what that is either. I’m guessing it’s either Christian or Indian. Yep, it’s the latter and seems to be some Forrest Gump type of tale about an idiot manchild who helps people learn what life is really about. See, this kind of shit exists all over the world. It’s not just us.

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