Tag Archives: Stephen Amell

NO SINGING MICE! THANK GOD!

16 Mar

rodrigo2
1. Cinderella/Disney                                               Wknd/$ 70.1   Total/$ 70.1
2. Run All Night/WB                                              Wknd/$ 11.0   Total/$ 11.0
3. Kingsman: The Secret Service/Fox                 Wknd/$ 6.2    Total/$ 107.4
4. Focus/WB                                                             Wknd/$ 5.8    Total/$ 44.0
5. Chappie/Sony                                                      Wknd/$ 5.8    Total/$ 23.3
6. The 2nd Best Exotic Marigold Hotel               Wknd/$ 5.7    Total/$ 18.1
7. The SpongeBob Movie/Par                               Wknd/$ 4.1     Total/$ 154.7
8. McFarland, USA/Disney                                   Wknd/$ 3.7     Total/$ 35.0
9. American Sniper/WB                                         Wknd/$ 2.9    Total/$ 341.5
10. The Duff/LionsGate                                          Wknd/$ 2.9    Total/$ 30.3

MONEY VS. DEPTH: WE KNOW WHO WINS
Cinderella opens at number one and two things got me in to see this and once again risk being the Solo Adult Male at a Kid’s Movie, which I’m sure is one day going to get me arrested: 1) Cate Blanchett, 2) Not A Musical. And believe me it’s the latter that carries the most weight. Remember my rule: if Gene Kelly isn’t dancing I don’t care. This isn’t so much a reinterpretation of the story, but another instance of Disney’s latest cash cow: live action versions of their animated features (Fantasia is going to be interesting). And clearly it a paid off, as evidenced by my ass in a seat and I hated the animated version. If you were hoping for maybe just a little more depth, you know, something for the adults like the great joke about “bears in San Francisco” in the trailer for Inside Out before the movie, dream on. Oh, they toy with it. They hint at actually making Cate Blanchett a three dimensional character whose evil is a result of the pain from losing the husband she loved and not truly being loved by a second husband who also dies, but they don’t follow through and just basically have her blurt out that that she’s mean to Ella (called Cider-ella due to the cinders on her face from being reduced to servant) because she’s so good. Seriously, that’s what she said. It would have made more sense if she blamed that obscenely tiny waist Cinderella has on display at the ball. Look, I know you want to try and recreate the movie, but you can’t force a human to have those proportions. Yes, she’s wearing a corset, but she also had to go on liquid diet to get into it. What. The. Fuck!?! Does Disney really think they would have lost a dollar because a real life human didn’t have the physical dimensions of a fucking cartoon!?! One thing they do get right is that Cinderella isn’t a servant for years. Seriously, I love the revisionist version with Drew Barrymore, but to think that being pretty much a slave for 20 years wouldn’t break or embitter you really is a fairy tale. Her first act as queen would have been to have her stepmother and mean sister beheaded and made the semi-nice one watch as a warning.

IT ALWAYS LEADS BACK TO CONNERY. ALWAYS.
Run All Night opens at number two and by Neeson’s own admission we’re reaching the end of this second act of his career as an action star. Probably because he’s doing it wrong. Yeah, being Dad The Action Hero worked briefly, but eventually you have to balance out that age curve by pairing him with a younger man to do all the heavy lifting. Or in the case of Neeson, the running, which he hates to do and directors have to work around it. In other words, do the Connery. Sean Connery is textbook on how to be an aging action hero, something it would do Schwarzenegger well to follow. In this one Neeson’s fighting Irish mob boss, Ed Harris in NYC, which almost makes this like a sequel to State of Grace where he was also an Irish mob boss in NYC. I like to think he survived being killed by Sean Penn…only to be killed here by Neeson (no, I didn’t see it, but do you really think he lives?). Penn also survived and went on to join the CIA, which is where we’ll see him next week in The Gunman. And if you think he’s not doing action movies because of Neeson, think again. They all owe him a check for opening this up for them.

IN HIS SIXTH DECADE OF EXPLOSIONS
Speaking of aging action heroes, Kingsman: The Secret Service rises back up to number three and as the head of The Kingsmen is Michael Caine, who did some badass movies back in his day as well, like Get Carter. It’s also a bit of a in-joke that he would play the head of a covert agency given he also played a secret agent back in the sixties. The Austin Powers character is based on him and why he also plays the father. Caine also did a turn as an elderly badass a few years back in Harry Brown, where he’s an ex-soldier who’s pushed too far. Yes, they make those films in England too. Death Wish fantasies are not just for Americans. They’re for any society with an underclass who occasionally needs to be taught a lesson.

CINEMATIC COITUS INTERRUPTUS
Down to number four is Focus and also in this is Rodrigo Santuro. Best known, unfortunately for being the Persian leader, Xerxes in 300 and its horrible sequel, but people of taste will know him as the hot guy Laura Linney doesn’t get to bone in Love Actually. Seriously, that was just mean.

SOAKING UP THAT CASH
Chappie is down to number five, followed by The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel at number six and The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water at number seven and from a $74M budget, this has made $270M worldwide and somewhere the creator of Ren & Stimpy weeks because his little cartoon never graduated from the love of hip kids to an actually license to print money like this one did.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE GEEK CRED
McFarland, USA is down to number eight, with American Sniper returning at number nine and finally The DUFF closing out the Top Ten at number ten, and starring in this Mae Whitman who is none other than the President’s daughter in Independence Day. Think she’s coming back for the sequel? And she’s got even more geek cred as the voice of a child Lois Lane on Superman The Animated Series, Batgirl on Batman: The Brave & The Bold and Wonder Girl on Young Justice. Geek cred is there for Robbie Amell, the cousin to none other than Stephen Amell, also known as Green Arrow on Arrow. He recently appeared on The Flash to become the superhero known as Firestorm himself. No geek cred for the pre-naturally pretty Bella Thorne, but given she’s a pretty redhead and they’re rebooting Spider-Man again as a teenager, it should be happening any minute now. I feel I’ll go to jail just for writing about her given she’s only 17 (was it even legal for the 26-year-old Amell to kiss her?). Her porn star name doesn’t help matters in the slightest. Her siblings are equally named Remy Thorne, Kalli Thorne and Dani Thorne because apparently Mary, Susan or Katherine just wouldn’t do. Do I even have to tell you they’re from Florida? Irony alert: in this film she plays the “mean girl” of the high school and like Lindsay Lohan she’s a henna-headed product of the Disney machine. Hopefully being from Florida won’t doom her the way that being from Long Island doomed Lohan.

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THE OSCAR EDITION

23 Feb

50shades
1. Fifty Shades of Grey/ Universal            Wknd/$ 85.0   Total/$ 85.0
2. Kingsman: The Secret Service/Fox      Wknd/$ 36.2   Total/$ 36.2
3. The SpongeBob Movie/Par                    Wknd/$ 31.7    Total/$ 94.8
4. McFarland, USA/Disney                        Wknd/$ 11.3    Total/$ 11.3
5. The Duff/LionsGate                                Wknd/$ 11.0    Total/$ 11.0
6. American Sniper/Warner                      Wknd/$ 9.7      Total/$ 319.6
7. Hot Tub Time Machine 2/Par               Wknd/$ 5.8      Total/$ 5.8
8. Jupiter Ascending/Warner                   Wknd/$ 2.6      Total/$ 83.9
9. The Imitation Game/Weinstein           Wknd/$ 2.6      Total/$ 83.9
10. Paddington/Weinstein                         Wknd/$ 2.3      Total/$ 67.7

IT’S IN THE BLOOD
Fifty Shades of Grey holds the number one spot so bad reviews be damned! The best thing about this film is appropriately enough its leading lady, Dakota Johnson, daughter of Don Johnson and Best Actress Nominee, Melanie Griffith and granddaughter of Tippi Hedren. But it’s more than nepotism. The career graveyard is filled with the children of the famous (do I have to bring up Oscar winner Kirk Douglas’ other son again?). It takes more and she’s got it. Based on a bad book, a screenplay that does little to improve it and a leading man focused on struggling with his accent than anything else, she does what she can to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear and the fact she does as well as she does speaks volumes. In fact, it makes her look even more astonishing by comparison. Sometimes it’s better to be the best thing in a bad movie than the weakest thing in a good one. Doing this film was a smart move for her and passing on it was probably a mistake for Stephen Amell and Charlie Hunnam. Well, maybe no Hunnam as he’d still have accent problems, but from what I’ve been told, Amell is basically playing Christian Grey every week on Arrow.

SHOW HIM THE POUNDS!
Kingsman: The Secret Service holds onto the number two spot and as the preeminent Kingsman is Oscar winner for Best Actor, Colin Firth, in his first action movie, which is par the course for Oscar winners. Once you get the golden statue, you go get the real gold. We can call it the “Nicholas Cage effect.” He was all indie boy until winning Best Actor and he’s been a whore ever since.

WE’LL SEE WHAT STICKS
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water holds at number three followed by McFarland USA opening at number four and apparently there’s a film from Oscar Winning Director, Kevin Costner coming out every week now so if you don’t like the one last week, maybe you’ll like the one next week. But I sincerely doubt it.

NO OSCAR MENTIONS HERE
The Duff opens at number five and you know you’re getting old when you’re no longer interested in every high school movie that comes down the pike because you simply can’t relate any longer. Even when it’s Pygmalion story done again, you give it a pass. For example: you saw Can’t Buy Me Love and She’s All that, but you passed on Love Don’t Cost A Thing (the Can’t Buy Me Love remake) and this, which actually dares have an “Eliza” who’s not just traditionally pretty girl dressed down and in glasses like, well all the others.

IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE SAY ANYTHING
Oscar Winner for Best Sound Editing (which is to say shut-the-hell-out), American Sniper is down to number six, followed by its polar opposite, Hot Tub Time Machine 2 opening at number seven and how did this happen? The first one wasn’t any good! Now they’ve made an even worse one, so bad that even John Cusack wouldn’t come back for it. And if you think Cusack is some kind of actor with integrity, check out his IMDB page and get back to me. He didn’t need an Oscar to whore it up.

AT LEAST SOMEONE’S ASCENDING
Jupiter Ascending is down to number eight and now has an Oscar winning actor in its cast: Eddie Redmayne. Too little, too late. Now the big question: will he continue with indie style roles or will he…WHORE IT UP!?!

CONTRARY TO ACTOR BELIEF, THEY DON’T MAKE UP THE WORDS
Oscar winner for Best Adapted Screenplay, The Imitation Game, is down to number nine with Paddington closing out the top ten at number ten.

 

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