Tag Archives: sarah silverman

PLOT. IDIOT PLOT

11 Nov

 

1. Skyfall/Sony                                                Wknd/$   87.8            Total/$   90.0

 2. Wreck-It-Ralph/Disney                            Wknd/$   33.1            Total/$   93.7

 3. Flight/Paramount                                       Wknd/$   15.1            Total/$   47.8

 4. Argo/Warners                                              Wknd/$    6.7            Total/$   85.7

 5. Taken 2/Fox                                                 Wknd/$    4.0            Total/$  131.3

 6. Here Comes The Boom/Sony                   Wknd/$    2.6            Total/$   39.1

 7. Cloud Atlas/Warners                                  Wknd/$    2.5            Total/$   22.7

 8. Pitch Perfect/Universal                              Wknd/$    2.5            Total/$   59.0

 9. The Man With The Iron Fists                    Wknd/$    2.5            Total/$   12.7

10. Hotel Transylvania/Sony                          Wknd/$    2.4            Total/$ 140.9

 

PLOT. IDIOT PLOT.

Skyfall opens easily at number one and let me be the lone voice in the wilderness to say I hated this movie. This goes on my list alongside Diamonds Are Forever, Octopussy, A View To A Kill, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and The World is Not Enough of Bond movies I hope never to see again.  Why? Because no one goes to James Bond film to watch him lose constantly.  And he does. From the opening sequence where he gets shot—twice—to the very end where he’s still standing but practically no one else is. It’s just Bond failing.  Granted, there is an argument to be made for shaking it up and watching our hero take his lumps for a change, but in the third act we expect our hero to come back regardless.  Not here. In the third act after being on the ropes for the better part of the film Bond’s big plan is to go to an isolated place and take on an army by himself with three guns and two senior citizens EVEN THOUGH HE’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING UK AND THE ENTIRE MIGHT OF THE BRITISH MILITARY IS ONLY A PHONE CALL AWAY!!!  It is the very definition of an idiot plot. The moment people stop acting like idiots, this movie is over. What’s worse is we meet the new Q who goes on bragging about his brilliance then falls into a trap the most novice IT geek could have seen coming.  I mean, aren’t these people whose job it is to be suspicious of all things all the time? Even the fucking Avengers were suspicious when they took Loki so easily but in the world of profession paranoia they don’t see the most obvious set-up in the world. I know it seems silly to complain about a James Bond plot, but that’s how bad it is. It makes other plots seem logical.  Likewise any complaints about sexual politics seem silly, when the only purpose women play in a Bond movie is to either be boned and saved or be boned and die.  Here two women need Bond’s protection and by the final reel both women are dead and Daniel Craig is doing his patented stance with his legs three feet apart (as if his balls are too big for him to do otherwise) like he’s accomplished something.  People justifiably ripped Quantum of Solace, but at least in that he stopped the bad guy and uncovered a massive evil organization. Here, the bad guy Javier Bardem pretty much does everything he sets out to do.  Too bad the movie isn’t about him.

 

THE “C” IS FOR “COMEDY.” NO. NOT REALLY.

Wreck It Ralph is down to number two and as the voice of Wreck It Ralph is John C. Reilly who has always been kind of dramatic counterpart to Will Ferrell so it made perfect sense when they wound up together in Step Brothers.  Unfortunately for Ferrell, Reilly has had more success in comedy than Ferrell’s had in drama (anyone remember Stranger Than Fiction? Exactly.) and this is just another step in that direction.  Not that anyone gives you credit for voices in animated films. If that were the case Craig T. Nelson and Albert Brooks would have been megastars after The Incredibles and Finding Nemo, respectively.  And I can’t stress enough how even unseen, Sarah Silverman remains annoying.

 

TOGETHER AGAIN

Flight is down to number three and this reteams Denzel Washington and Don Cheadle who were so good together in Devil in A Blue Dress.  In fact, Don Cheadle was cheated out of an Oscar nomination for his great portrayal as the sociopathic “Mouse.”  Them together again is yet another reason I WILL SEE THIS! I swear!

 

STILL “TAKEN” YOUR MONEY. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

Argo is down to number four, followed by Taken, holding at number five because people just love, love, love Liam Neeson whooping ass.  And with $141M domestic alone from a $45M budget ($348M worldwide) they’re going to get a lot more of it.

 

A LOT OF FAT SCHLUBS OUT THERE

Here Comes The Boom actually rises to number six and I just have one question: why?  Who suddenly decided they needed to see a fat schlub get with one of the hottest women on earth in a heartwarming setting? Have they never heard of sitcoms where this happens all the time? Hell, Kevin James did it for years as The King of Queens.

 

CLOUD ATLAS, SKYFALL…I’M SENSING A THEME

Cloud Atlas is down to number seven and with Skyfall opening, this gives Ben Whishaw two films in the top ten.  If this film has a center it’s his portrayal as a libertine gay composer in England in the 30’s whose work “Cloud Atlas” gives the film its name.  His character is the most appealing and his story is the most compelling, lacking either a borderline campy performance or distracting make-up.

 

GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

Pitch Perfect jumps back into the top ten at number eight and I have to think between the election and the hurricane people wanted mindless distraction, hence this and Here Comes The Boom returning to the top ten.  But if that’s the case why is Man with the Iron Fists dropping to number nine? I can’t imagine anything more mindless.  I guess they want it bloodless and mindless. This would explain why Hotel Transylvania is still hanging around at number ten two weeks after Halloween.

SOMEWHERE TRON IS WEEPING

4 Nov

1. Wreck-It-Ralph/Disney                          Wknd/$   49.1            Total/$  49.1

2. Flight/Paramount                                    Wknd/$   25.0            Total/$  25.0

3. Argo/Warners                                           Wknd/$   10.2            Total/$  75.9

4. The Man With The Iron Fists                 Wknd/$    8.2            Total/$    8.2

5. Taken 2/Fox                                               Wknd/$    6.0            Total/$  125.7

6. Cloud Atlas/Warners                                Wknd/$    5.3            Total/$   18.3

7. Hotel Transylvania/Sony                         Wknd/$    4.5            Total/$ 137.6

8. Paranormal Activity 4/Parmount          Wknd/$    4.3            Total/$  49.6

9. Here Comes The Boom/Sony                  Wknd/$    3.6            Total/$   35.6

10. Silent Hill 2/ORF                                      Wknd/$    3.3            Total/$   13.9

WHAT? NO TRON? YES, I’M MOCKING THEM.

Wreck-It-Ralph opens at number one and this is a clear attempt by Disney to make their own Toy Story (that was Pixar, though the Pixar braintrust did contribute to this) and just like Toy Story it seems clear that certain games where just not down with being part of the movie—and just like Toy Story whomever made that decision is getting yelled at Monday morning when the box office results come in.  Seriously, who turns down king-of-merchandising Disney, now and then? Super Mario Brothers may not think they need the money, but they’re about to meet some shareholders who disagree and if there are sequels look for the other holdouts (I’m looking at you, Mortal Kombat) to suddenly become amiable like Mattel did with Barbie did for Toy Story 2 & 3 (when they turned down the first one).  Not that there aren’t tons of other cameos. Seriously, when Paperboy, Dig-Dug and Root Beer Tapper are showing up you know they’re not kidding around.  I have to wonder how many of these references the kids got because in the theater two little girls made their dad leave during the climax of the film because they were tired of it while a 30-year-old I know has seen it twice this weekend.  But that’s also a commentary on the run time and two hours is a lot for kids and as enjoyable as it is (that’s called “burying the lead”) the movie does bog down towards the end (the entire building a car sequence and learning to drive should have been cut).  I’m always willing to accept a longer running time for more character development, but it’s honestly not needed here.  Especially when Sarah Silverman voices that character. Even playing a character who’s supposed to be bratty, she still manages to go above and beyond the call of duty and almost undoes the sympathy the story generates for her.

ARBUSTO

Flight opens well at number two considering the selling point is basically Denzel Washington and nothing but Denzel Washington. You know you’re a megastar when a poster is basically you and you alone. Not even a tagline or anything. Just your face and your name.  I’m definitely going to see this when I have a chance (we had a little weather problem here that but a crimp in everything) if for no other reason than the rumored full frontal nudity from Nadine Vasquez, best known as Catalina from My Name Is Earl.  Now, how this is even remotely integral to the storyline is beyond me, but I think we all know that’s a crap line given to dumb actresses to get them naked. It also helps if, like in the case of Nadine, she was more successful yesterday than she is today.  But most of all it works on actresses trying to breakout…like say Eva Mendes when she did full frontal nudity in Training Day…which was also with Denzel Washington. Hmmm, I smell a trend. If you’re an attractive Latina actress your path to success is clear, goes through Denzel Washington and has a very specific dress code.

WU-TANG FOREVER!

Argo is down to number three, followed by The Man With The Iron Fists opening at number four and this is probably something I should see after a few drinks, given it’s written and directed by its star, The Rza of The Wu Tang Clan and directing, screenwriting and acting are not exactly three things he’s known for.  Let me put it this way: he’s playing the blacksmith in a small village in China in the 19th century.  Yeah.  Maybe more than a few drinks.  Not to mention his co-writer is Eli Roth who brought the world the Hostel franchise and I kinda despise the man’s existence overall.  So yeah, this is what I’ll use my last weekday movie pass for.

SOME PEOPLE PROCESS STRESS DIFFERENTLY

Taken 2 actually rises to number five and who decided, “You know, in the wake of all this death and destruction what I really need to see is a tall, 60-year-old Irishman kicking the living shit out of guys with weird accents.”  Yes, Liam Neeson is 60.  He was Gawain in Excalibur in 1981.  Also in Excalibur? Helen Mirren, Patrick Stewart and Gabriel Byrne. Talk about some aging well muthafuckas.

WHOOOOOO ARE YOU?

Cloud Atlas is down to number six, but normally this would not be a worry as this is what is known as Oscar bait, in that Oscar nominations were expected to boost box office returns…which means it’s in trouble because the one thing that would possibly garner them is makeup and it’s more ridiculous than it is sublime. Now, I get the casting of the same actors over and over again in the various storylines to connect them, but while the transformations are great like with Jim Broadbent, it’s utterly ridiculous in others, mainly the Neo-Seoul segment where almost all the actors credited are made Asian. But the worst has to be Hugh Grant in old age make up, which makes him look like Roger Daltrey.  Seriously. For a moment I thought it was actually Roger Daltrey. Hugh Grant is not young and doesn’t look it so there’s no point in the over-the-top job they do on him to make him look he could be Jim Broadbent’s brother.  And Hugo Weaving playing the a female nurse is just…why?

MISC.

Hotel Transylvania is still hanging around like an STD (you thought at a massive dose of Disney would have killed it) at number seven, followed by Paranormal Activity at number eight and Here Comes The Boom at number nine.

BILLS, BILLS, BILLS

Finally, Silent Hill Revelation 3D closes out the top ten at number ten and clearly some people had some car payments due because the casting is unusually distinguished for sequel to a crummy videogame movie.  Aside from Sean Bean and Radha Mitchell—who were in the first one and clearly wanted new cars to match the first ones they bought with the original film’s salary—there’s Martin Donovan, Carrie Anne-Moss, Deborah Kara-Unger and Malcolm McDowell.  Okay, maybe that last one isn’t a big surprise, but the others are usually in “real” movies, which have a notable lack of green screen.  Yes, the recession is real.  It may also be they signed on when Roger Avary was writing the screenplay.  He was Tarantino’s longtime writing partner and won the Oscar with him for Best Original Screenplay for Pulp Fiction. He’s currently doing time for vehicular manslaughter after killing two of his friends while driving wasted.