Tag Archives: robin the boy wonder

THIRD BLOODY TIME’S THE CHARM!

6 Mar

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1. Logan/Fox                                       Wknd/$ 85.3    Total/$ 85.3
2. Get Out/Universal                         Wknd/$ 26.1    Total/$ 76.0
3. The Shack/LG                                Wknd/$ 16.1     Total/$ 16.1
4. The LEGO Batman Movie/WB   Wknd/$ 11.7     Total/$ 148.6
5. Before I Fall/ORF                          Wknd/$ 4.9      Total/$ 4.9
6. John Wick: Chapter Two/LG      Wknd/$ 4.7      Total/$ 82.9
7. Hidden Figures/Fox                      Wknd/$ 3.8      Total/$ 158.8
8. The Great Wall/Universal           Wknd/$ 3.5       Total/$ 41.3
9. Fifty Shades Darker/Universal   Wknd/$ 3.5       Total/$ 109.9
10. La La Land/LG                             Wknd/$ 3.0      Total/$ 145.7

A BLOODY GOOD FINISH
Logan opens at number one and third time’s the charm apparently. In their third outing they finally made a good solo Wolverine movie. No, it’s not the best superhero movie ever made (that still belongs to Iron Man for me) and it’s not even the best X-Men film (that still belongs to X2 for me), but it’s pretty damn good. Wisely dumping pretty much every goddamn thing about the Old Man Logan story from the comics (imagine if Wolverine were made only for angry, sexless, 15-year-old boys and you’ll have an idea of how bad that nonetheless successful series was) they’ve finally learned to follow the Marvel/Disney example and not make a “superhero” movie, but just a movie and plop a superhero into it. Iron Man, Thor and Doctor Strange were all the same movie about the narcissist who discovers the world around him aka, the best movies Tom Cruise and Richard Gere ever made. Captain America is a WWII movie and Captain America: The Winter Soldier is a 70’s spy movie. Guardians of the Galaxy is every movie about a ragtag group of misfits coming together. And Logan is a road movie about two people at the end their days a meager shadow of their former selves who find themselves called to get it together one more time for the sake of a younger person. You’ve seen it a dozen times before only this time you see it with superpowers. Professor X is now a danger to all those around him because his mental powers have been short-circuited by ALS and Alzheimer’s. Wolverine no longer heals the way he use to and is slowly dying for reasons that seem mysterious, but are obvious when you think about it. Into their laps falls a little girl with all Wolverine’s powers and abilities and hot on her heels is an evil corporation (redundant) willing to kill anyone and everyone to get her back. I feel bad for Hugh Jackman in that only in his last outing as Wolverine does he get the film his commitment deserves (he stayed in Wolverine shape for a year waiting for director Darren Aronofsky to get his shit together for what would have been the second Wolverine movie). He’s never been bad in the role, but didn’t always get the material to support him, least of all the god-awful The Wolverine, which ironically had the same creative team. What’s the difference? Deadpool. Deadpool proved you could make the R-rated film Wolverine deserved and make a dollar. I mean, it’s about a guy with razor sharp claws who is prone to homicidal rages. How can you do this honestly without blood and body parts on the ground? You can’t and the comics never shied away from it and in fact his learning not slaughter people was part of the character’s evolution, but what you can do in an all-ages comics oddly becomes an R-rated movie. Blood and darkness isn’t the reason why Logan is good but let’s not kid ourselves in that this will be the only takeaways for future superhero movies, so get ready for a lot of awful superhero crap filled with boobs, blood and cursing.

HOW ABOUT I JUST STAY OUT?
Get Out is down to number two and sorry, I don’t care how universally great the reviews are, I. Will. Never. See. This. I got anxiety just watching the trailer. I don’t do the scary to begin with, so do you really think I’m going to do the scary in a way that relates to me directly!?! The fucker is even a photographer in New York. Oh, hell no! But I’ll glad for everyone involved. Sorry I can’t help.

JESUS-Y IS TOO A WORD!
The Shack is opens at number three and this is some kind of Jesus-y thing and while I understand Sam Worthington has no choice but to be in shit like this—having been replaced as the Charisma-Free-Australian in movies by Jai Courtney—it’s sad Octavia Spencer found herself in this post-Oscar, pre-Hidden Figures.

NOW WHEN I SAY “I LOVE DICK” WHAT I MEAN IS…
The Lego Batman Movie is down to number four and the mixed blessing for this has come down in director Chris McKay doing a Nightwing movie. For those of you with actual lives and social skills, Nightwing is the identity Dick Grayson adopts after growing up and leaving Batman behind. There’s even a joking reference to it in this movie. It’s good because it’s Chris McKay who is a talented director. It’s bad because DC Comics and Warner Brothers have yet to make a superhero movie that doesn’t suck salty sweaty balls (Chris Nolan made his Batman movies before the official DC/WB unit was created to oversee these films) and the small blessing of no Dick Grayson or Robin in these movies is that they can’t fuck up Dick Grayson or Robin in these movies. It seems that time is over. Sigh.

BY THE WAY: YOU’RE OLD!
Before I Fall opens at number five and this is the latest Young Adult Novel Science Fiction/Fantasy adaptation. This time a teenager has to deal with the “stuck in a repeating day” situation endured by everyone from Bill Murray in Groundhog Day to David Duchovny on the X-Files. The only notable thing about it for an “old” like me is that it stars Zoey Deutch aka daughter of Lea Thompson aka Michael J. Fox’s mom in Back To The Future and also one of the stars of Some Kind of Wonderful (which was directed by dad, Howard Deutch). Like her mom in the latter film she plays a girl who’s a member of the beautiful people clique and there’s even a jerk boyfriend and shy guy who crushes on her. Some sf/fantasy elements would have helped Some Kind of Wonderful, honestly.

TESTING THE KINSEY SCALE WITH EVERY APPEARANCE
John Wick Chapter Two is down to number six and also in this is Ruby Rose who may or may not be playing a dude. The character is mute and no gender is specified, which lends to my theory that she’s here to make everyone question their sexuality. If you’re a straight dude or gay woman you’re wondering why you’re attracted to this boy. If you’re a straight woman or gay dude you’re wondering why you’re attracted to this girl. She’s fucking with all of us! And this is her second action movie this year. She was a sniper in XXX: The Return of Xander Cage. So it’s one step back and one step forward in ’17 for her.

A GOOD INTENTION THAT DOESN’T HELP PAVE THE ROAD TO HELL
Hidden Figures is down to number seven and I finally did my duty as a Black person and saw it! It’s good, not great. Very much a high production TV movie, because in the end all the bigoted White people come around to respect and admire the hard-working capable Black people. And the director even admitted it was to give the White audience something. Now it will go on forever, required viewing for both Black History Month and Women’s History Month in classrooms all over the country.

YUAN GON’ GET NO MONEY FROM THIS
The Great Wall is down to number eight and honestly I have no issue with the idea of an outsider coming in to help with a fight so long as he isn’t the “savior” of the people who’ve been fighting it all this time. At least not without good reason, you know like some advanced technology or strategy, but the Chinese invented fucking gunpowder and The Art of War so what the fuck could Matt Damon really do for them!?! And this isn’t the first big budget movie that throws Western actors (aka White actors) into a period piece in an attempt to get both Chinese and American audiences. Nicholas Cage has been in one (no surprise) and so has John Cusack (and his had Jackie Chan in it)! This is their first attempt with an A-list star, but it fared no better. File under “Great Mistakes Made In The Naked Pursuit of International Money.”

HIS PERSONAL HELL CONTINUES
Fifty Shades Darker is down to number nine and this doubled its budget domestically and made 6x worldwide, so if you think they’re not going to finish out the trilogy, keep dreaming, Jamie Dornan.

THE NOT WINNER OF BEST PICTURE
Finally, La La Land closes out the Top Ten at number ten so it can continue onto home video and maybe, just maybe I’ll catch it on cable one day. And have you noticed the way to succeed in Hollywood is not to be in a successful comic book movie franchise, but in a disappointing one? Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone were in the Spider-Man reboot and now she’s got an Oscar while he got a nomination. Michael B. Jordan and Miles Teller were in the Fantastic Four reboot and were also in critically praised Oscar-nominated movies. Meanwhile, The Chrises Hemsworth and Evans keep trying big and small for respect and come up empty. If it makes you feel better, boys, you’re taller and prettier than they are. Including Emma Stone.

ALSO VISIT

FORMER BOY WONDER PHOTO

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THE BOURNE STUPIDITY

12 Aug

1. The Bourne Legacy/Universal              Wknd/$   40.3           Total/$  40.3

 2. The Campaign/Warners                        Wknd/$   27.4            Total/$   27.4

 3. The Dark Knight Rises/Warners         Wknd/$   19.5            Total/$ 390.1

 4. Hope Springs/Sony                                 Wknd/$   15.6            Total/$   20.1

 5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3/Fox                  Wknd/$     8.2           Total/$   30.6

 6. Total Recall/Sony                                     Wknd/$     8.1            Total/$  44.2

 7. Ice Age 4/Fox                                             Wknd/$     6.8           Total/$ 144.2

 8. Ted/Universal                                            Wknd/$     3.3           Total/$ 209.9

 9. Step Up Revolution/Summit                  Wknd/$     2.9            Total/$   30.2

10. Amazing Spider-Man/Sony                   Wknd/$     2.2            Total/$ 255.5

 

THE BOURNE REDUNDANCY

The Bourne Legacy opens at number one and wasn’t the raison d’être of Bourne was that he was a young secret agent as opposed to Bond who was always a man?  That being the case, why the hell do you hire 40-year-old Jeremy Renner to take over?  Shouldn’t it be somebody from a vampire movie?  Or at the very least tall?  And they might have come up with a better plot.  Bourne was being chased because basically he was the loose cannon of government officials who’d been misusing that weapon and they didn’t want it to get out.  Jeremy Renner is being chased because…Bourne got away.  Seriously. They’re killing off all their super agents who haven’t done anything wrong and aren’t being used inappropriately because they’re afraid it will get out that America has created super agents to defend itself. I’m pretty sure post-9/11 America would fucking love to learn that its government had created super agents to defend it, so none of this makes a lick of sense.  It doesn’t help that characters within the movie are asking the same question: “Why do we have to destroy everything?”  The only answer Ed Norton gives us is an ominous “Just imagine what happens when all this gets out.”  WHY!?!  We’re never told why this is all so wrong.  Plot aside, the other hole in this is Jeremy Renner never fights his equal the way Bourne always did in all three movies.  They sent other super-agents after him so you got a battle of equals along with him trouncing others.  Renner never once goes mano-a-mano with another super-agent, which makes most of this like watching an 8th grader beat up a bunch of 6th graders.

 

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TOO FUNNY

The Campaign opens at number two and for me both Will Farrell and Zack Galifinakis don’t work as leads because they will always be supporting comic foils to a straight man. This is why both their breakthrough roles came in movies that had just doing just that.  For Ferrell it was Old School and Luke Wilson filled the role.  For Galifinakis, it took both Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms to balance him out.  So the thought of them together with no one to balance it out doesn’t appeal to me.  Yes, I know Jason Sudekis and Dylan McDermott are here to do that to a certain extent, but honestly they’re both like wheat before the scythe for these two.

 

HOLY UNVARINISHED TRUTH!

The Dark Knight Rises is down to number three and as everyone probably knows by now Joseph Gordon Leavitt plays a character whose real name is revealed in the closing minutes to be “Robin” which seems like a tribute from Chris Nolan on his way out the door, but is really Chris Nolan giving those of us who love Robin The Boy Wonder the finger on his way out the door.  See, in his world of a man dressed up like a bat fighting crime without a gun talking in a stupid voice and fighting a guy with an even dumber voice who manages to take over an American city for months without the might of the United States government being able to stop him, a kid sidekick is totally ridiculous.  Here’s a little known fact: Batman only existed 11 months before Robin showed up.  So exactly 1.27% of Batman’s 72 year history is Robin-free.  He needs the Boy Wonder like he needs air.  Robin is what saved Batman from being lost in rush of superheroes that popped up in the wake of Superman’s success.  He allowed for Batman’s audience to imagine themselves fighting alongside him in a way that could never be for Superman who was an alien and the last of his kind.  Robin was also the first wisecracking teenage superhero, so you’re welcome as well, Spider-man.

 

FALL OF 2013

Hope Springs opens up at number four and this is one of those movies with a lot of good actors that gets mostly positive reviews that you know you’d probably like if you saw it, but you never do until years later when it’s on cable one night and you go, “Hey, that was all right.”  So, I’ll see you in a few years with my thoughts on it.

 

THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE WORSE IT GETS

Diary of a Wimpy Kid is down to number five, followed by Total Recall at number six and as long as we’re picking on this lame remake of Total Recall, let’s pick on the original story. Exactly how was turning Hauser into Quaid supposed to allow him to infiltrate the rebellion?  On friggin’ earth no less!  Was the job he was working some recruitment spot?  In fact it only works because Hauser’s memories bleed into Quaid’s mind and he goes back to Mars.  And if that wasn’t already a problem they cut the balls off the character here by making Hauser a bad guy who turns good and that’s why his memory gets wiped (though it still makes no sense as to why his memory gets wiped and him again taken away from the rebellion which is this time in England).  In the original, Hauser was evil through and through but inadvertently creates a hero in himself.  Here, falling in love with Mileena changes him. That’s the equivalent of Greedo shooting first. 

 

GO AWAY ALREADY!

Ice Age: Continental Drift is down to number seven, followed by Ted at number eight and Step Up Revolution at number nine.

 

YOU KIDS WILL LIKE HER. YOU’LL REALLY LIKE HER.

The Watch and The Amazing Spider-Man actually tied at number ten, but since I have nothing to say about The Watch, some final comments on The Amazing Spider-Man, where they actually show his dad, played by Campbell Scott and it freaks me seeing him playing older men when I remember him clearly as a young guy in Singles all those years ago.  And I love that Sally Field is playing Aunt May.  She’s gotta be 70, but she’s one of those people who looks forever young and now a whole new generation who never heard of Gidget, The Flying Nun, Smokey & The Bandit or Norma Rae will get to know her.

 

SUPER ART

My continuing attempts to get some culture crossed paths with my own geekness with an exhibition by photographer Gregg Segal of photographs of superheroes in “everyday situations” at the Chelsea Market.  Wonder Woman takes out the trash. Captain America gets his mail or fixes his car.  Superman vacuums his home filled with Superman paraphernalia.  It was borne out of the people in Hollywood who dress up and take pictures with tourists.  For a briefly moment they’re special, but at the end of the day they go home and they’re ordinary people and Segal wanted to convey that.  He also has photos from another project where Civil War reinactors go to the actual sites of Civil War battles that are now expressways, neighborhoods and department store parking lots.  The juxtaposition is surprisingly poignant.  See? I can talk some art!