Tag Archives: riddick

CHICKS DIG BAD BOYS…WHEN THEY’RE ALREADY HOT

14 Sep

idris elba shirtless 2

1. No Good Deed/SGems                                  Wknd/$ 24.5     Total/$ 24.5
2. Dolphin Tale 2/WB                                       Wknd/$ 16.6     Total/$ 16.6
3. Guardians of the Galaxy/Disney                Wknd/$ 8.0       Total/$ 305.9
4. Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles/Par           Wknd/$ 4.8       Total/$ 181.0
5. Let’s Be Cops/Fox                                         Wknd/$ 4.3        Total/$ 73.0
6. The Drop/FoxSearchlight                           Wknd/$ 4.2        Total/$ 4.2
7. If I Stay/WB                                                    Wknd/$ 4.1        Total/$ 44.9
8. The November Man/Relativity                  Wknd/$ 2.8        Total/$ 22.5
9. The Giver/Weinstein                                    Wknd/$ 2.6        Total/$ 41.3
10. The Hundred-Foot Journey/Disney       Wknd/$ 2.5        Total/$ 49.4

YOUR MOM LIKES HIM TOO
No Good Deed opens at number one starring your wife’s/girlfriend’s fantasy boyfriend, Idris Elba. Oh, he is. Don’t kid yourself. I don’t care what she’s telling you, he is. And apparently when he’s good, he’s good; but when he’s bad he’s better as this almost doubles its budget the opening weekend. And don’t be surprised to find it in her Netflix cue or on her DVD shelf in about 6-12 months. For Elba, whose fame has been bubbling under A-list for a few years now, this is a wise move, being willing to be play the bad guy, albeit not in a stereotypical manner. Range and courage will take you far. Of course being hot helps. A less attractive actor might not have had the same level of success. Your girlfriend/wife is shallow.

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO SAD
Dolphin Tale 2 opens at number two because apparently somebody somewhere saw the first Dolphin Tale. Only now am I realizing both these films feature the re-teaming of Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd, who were both white hot after Kiss The Girls to the point where they a) both were given suspense thriller movies (she got Double Jeopardy and he got Along Came A Spider, another Alex Cross adaptation) and b) reteamed to hopefully repeat the success (High Crimes, which didn’t). It’s sad they’re doing this type of family film treacle because they actually had wonderful chemistry. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s only here as a favor to her, because he’s got plenty of hits in a starring role, while she’s now playing the mom to the star. Hell, she’s the mom to the protagonist here too. I still love you, Ashley Judd! Even if rumors have it that male actors have turned down parts once they’ve learned you were cast…

I AM PAID
Guardians of the Galaxy is down to number three and also in this is Vin Diesel as the voice of the biggest breakout character of the movie, the sentient tree, Groot. Everyone loves Groot. The only thing they love more than Groot is Dancing Baby Groot. It’s the easiest and hardest job. After all it’s only three words “I Am Groot” but the intonation has to be different each and every time. It’s also the more perilous gig, because it’s just a voice (neither he nor Bradley Cooper were ever on set). He can’t bargain for more money, because honestly, anyone can do this. But for now this makes him the rare actor with not one, not two, but three franchises to his name: Guardians of the Galaxy, Fast & The Furious and Riddick. And while I loved this movie, I love Chronicles of Riddick just as much if not more.

HEY, AT LEAST IT’S NOT STEVIE-O OR BAM
Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles is down to number four and speaking of an easy paycheck by just being a voice, Johnny Knoxville is actually one of the turtles, giving him two franchises as well. He’s got the Jackass series, which includes Bad Grandpa and now this. If I told you ten years ago Johnny Knoxville would still be around and making money, you’d have called me crazy, but now you see it’s the universe that’s crazy.

IT’D BE TASTELESS TO SAY HE WENT OUT WITH A BANG, RIGHT?
Let’s Be Cops is down to number five followed by The Drop opening at number six and this James Gandolphini’s final film and it’s both fitting and sad that it’s a gangster flick. Fitting because it was Tony Soprano that made him a star and sad because he’d begun transcending it, especially with the wonderful Enough Said. It’s gotten good reviews and it’s on my radar to see, but we know my likelihood when I don’t catch something on opening weekend. And the new fall TV season is coming too? Hoo, boy.

IT’S WHY I SAW THAT MOVIE WITH DENZEL WASHINGTON
If I Stay is down to number seven, followed by The November Man at number eight and part of the lack of interest in this is the lack of a strong antagonist. It’s yet another one of these generic, Australian pretty boys of whom they seem to have a neverending supply. Imagine how much more interesting this would have been with Pierce Brosnan against a younger actor you actually knew? Even Stallone knew that it was good to have then rising star, Antonio Banderas facing off against in him in Assassins (not that it was a great success either). You would have had my money yesterday if you gave me the possibility of seeing Pierce Brosnan kicking the ass of Ryan Reynolds.

MARKETING FAIL
The Giver is down to number nine and also in this…Taylor Swift!?! Clearly there’s something in her contract prohibiting them from pushing this point because when your film is disappointing, you might want to mention it’s got one of the biggest pop stars on the planet in it.

THE END
Finally, The Hundred Foot Journey closes out the top ten at number ten, a modest success with $61M worldwide from a $22M budget. Emphasis on “modest.”

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NOTHING IS MORE TERRIFYING THAN AN OLD MAN IN A DIAPER SCREAMING

15 Sep

Michelle Pfeiffer 001(3)

1. Insidious 2/FD                                           Wknd/$  41.1            Total/$  41.1

 2. The Family/Relativity                             Wknd/$  14.5            Total/$  14.5

 3. Riddick/Universal                                    Wknd/$    7.0            Total/$  31.3

 4. Lee Daniel’s The Butler/Weinstein      Wknd/$    5.6            Total/$100.0

 6. Instructions Not Included/LGF            Wknd/$    4.3            Total/$  26.6

 5. We’re The Millers/Warners                    Wknd/$    5.4            Total/$ 131.6

 7. Planes/Disney                                            Wknd/$    3.1            Total/$  83.0

 8. One Direction This Is Us/Sony              Wknd/$    2.4            Total/$  26.9

 9. Elysium/TriStar                                        Wknd/$    2.1             Total/$  88.4

10. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters            Wknd/$    1.8            Total/$  62.0

 

WHY BUY THE COW WHEN GET YOU CAN GET TERRIFIED FOR FREE?

Insidious 2 opens at number one and I think we all know by now I don’t like the scary so I didn’t see this as I didn’t see the first one.  Hell, that commercial with the old man in a diaper screaming “He’s got your baby! He’s got your baby!” messed me up.  I wasn’t about to pay for ninety minutes of it, but clearly I was alone in this.

 

HE’S GONNA OFFER A JOKE YOU CAN’T REFUSE TO LAUGH AT

The Family opens at number two and people love Robert DeNiro as a gangster; even moreseo when he’s playing it for laughs.  This looks like it should have been the sequel to Analyze This instead of Analyze That. I wouldn’t know, because like most of the world, I declined to see it, but I think we can all agree Tommy Lee Jones deadpanning instead of a Billy Crystal hamming automatically makes it a better movie.  I won’t even get into Michelle Pfeiffer over Lisa Kudrow because that would just be mean.

 

NOT THAT ONE SHOULD EXPECT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IN A RIDDICK MOVIE

Riddick is down to number three and also in this is Katee Sackhoff best known as Starbuck from the Battlestar Galactica reboot and again, I fully admit her partial nude scene is what pushed me over the edge from ambivalence to finally seeing this movie, but all the Riddick movies have had actresses good at playing tough which is part of the appeal. Claudia Black (best known from Farscape) was in Pitch Black (which I won’t see because I know she dies in it) and Chronicles of Riddick had both Alexa Davalos and Christina Cox (sadly not known for anything) and the latter was the tough mercenary who is genuinely drawn to Riddick. I preferred the to Katee Sackhoff being lesbian who somehow “turns” by the final reel because you know, Riddick is just that badass. Are you freaking kidding me!?!  This isn’t the 60’s where Pussy Galore’s lesbian tendencies are no match Sean Connery at the peak of his Bond powers. Now it’s just a tad offensive to joke all a lesbian needs is the right man to set her “straight.”  It’s a taint on an otherwise dumb good time. It would have been better if it was just something she said to keep from being hit on all the time as the only woman onboard.

 

THE ENGLISH WERE BIGOTS TOO, RIGHT?

Lee Daniels’ The Butler is down to number four and this has crossed the $100M mark making it a ridiculous hit and you just know somehow, somewhere, someone is trying to figure out how to make a sequel. The Butler 2: Now He Works For The Queen of England.

 

CALL IT THE DEBBIE REYNOLDS EFFECT

We’re The Millers is still hanging around at number five and for the first time Jennifer Anniston’s success has little to do with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Of course if not for them she’d be already back on TV with a sitcom probably coming on right after Cougar Town, but we’ll let her have this one.

 

MISC.

Instructions Not Included is down to number six, followed by Planes at number seven and One Direction: This Is Us at number eight.

 

MAYBE IT’S FITTING NOT TO TURN A PROFIT WHEN SO MANY ARE HUNGRY

Elysium is down to number nine and at 232M worldwide has at least broken even, so it’s not loss, but still a disappointment for this ham-fisted parable about the haves and have-nots.

 

AT THE END IT’LL BE COCKROACHES AND THIS MOVIE

Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters hangs around at number ten and we need an exterminator to get rid of this.

IT’S VIN DIESEL’S WORLD. YOU JUST LIVE IN IT.

8 Sep

bsg-girls-interview-mag-1

1. Riddick/Universal                                    Wknd/$  18.7           Total/$  18.7

 2. Lee Daniel’s The Butler/Weinstein     Wknd/$    8.9           Total/$  91.9

3. Instructions Not Included/LGF            Wknd/$    8.1           Total/$  20.3

 4. We’re The Millers/Warners                  Wknd/$    7.9           Total/$ 123.8

 5. Planes/Disney                                          Wknd/$    4.3           Total/$  79.3

 6. One Direction This Is Us/Sony             Wknd/$    4.1           Total/$  24.0

 7. Elysium/TriStar                                       Wknd/$    3.1           Total/$  85.1

 9. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters           Wknd/$    2.5           Total/$  59.8

 8. Blue Jasmine/SPC                                  Wknd/$    2.7           Total/$   25.4

10. The World’s End/Focus                        Wknd/$    2.3           Total/$  21.7

 

EITHER IN A CAR OR IN SPACE. LESSON LEARNED.

Riddick opens at number one and no one is more shocked than I am and I paid to see it.  This is the continuing adventures of the titular super-killer who first appeared in Pitch Black, which I still have not seen because two actresses I like a lot both die in it and I refuse to watch. Seriously. Unless it’s some kind of super prestige film, I do not see movies where actors I like die. Oh, and you’re so sane with your movie-going decisions! Now, I loved the second film, Chronicles of Riddick which was a total left turn of a sequel, but was not appreciated by the fans of the first—or anyone else for that matter and it tanked.  Still, thanks to home video it managed to find a new life, though still not enough for Universal which traded the rights to the characters to Vin Diesel to get him to be in Fast & The Furious Tokyo Drift, a decision that worked out well for both parties as Diesel helped finance this low-budget sequel himself.  It’s more or less a remake of the first film (bringing back the fans who loved the first one, clearly) but they don’t apologize for that as its reason is simply to make money so they can continue the left turn they took in Chronicles of Riddick which is the only reason I went to see this, because I want more of that. Oh. And to see Starbuck topless. Oh, and you’re so noble in your moviegoing choices!  All that said, it’s not a bad film but you’ve got a serious problem when your main character disappears off the screen for twenty minutes of a two-hour film. That means it only needed to be just over an hour and a half.  And when you add up into the first half hour which is just him recovering alone with a CGI dog fighting CGI monsters, you’ve basically got an hour-long movie stretched out to two hours. That’s never good. But I honestly didn’t mind the twenty minutes spent exploring the other characters.  I actually found it more interesting than the last half-hour of fighting CGI monsters in the dark. That’s when I began to realize I needed to go the bathroom which is always the sign of an overlong film.

 

MANCHILDREN + ACTUAL CHILDREN = $$$

The Butler is down to number two followed by Instructions Not Included at number three and this is a very generic looking Mexican film about a bachelor who gets left with the daughter from one of his liaisons and of course grows into a loving father only to be faced with mom’s return. It’s an old story and the trailer makes it look like made-for-basic cable in its execution, but people still love it.  Part of its success is that it’s part of a growing number of films aimed directly at a neglected audience and in this case it’s Spanish speaking Americans.  Normally, this would have stayed south of the border, but like the recent spate of Indian films, has found a distributor and was well rewarded for the risk. No one should be tto surprised. The last Hollywood version of this, The Game Plan, was also successful. Even in the 21st Century people love the idea of a single, carefree guy turning into a good dad to a precocious daughter. You don’t even have to do it well. Or in English.

 

WORKS FOR JENNIFER ANNISTON, FAILED FOR DEMI MOORE. DISCUSS.

We’re the Millers is down to number four and speaking of less-than-noble moviegoing choices, you think if Jennifer Anniston wasn’t doing a gratuitous striptease half the people would have seen it?  Exactly. There’s a reason it’s the central part of the ad campaign. Why it’s a hit is still a mystery, however.

 

BUT I CAN’T PROMISE NO BOATS. SORRY.

Planes is down to number five and while this will undoubtedly make a little money for Disney in the long run, at only $121M worldwide from a $50M budget it’s done little more than break even. The real test, however, is merchandising. Cars 2 only existed because they sold a billion dollars worth of toys. Hopefully there won’t a billion dollars in Planes sales to inflict a sequel on the world.

 

HICKORY DICKORY DOCK WAS FIRST MENTIONED BY FREUD IS HIS DISCUSSIONS OF THE UNCONSCIOUS

One Direction: This Is Us is down to number six followed by Elysium at number seven and Blue Jasmine at number eight and also in this are Louis CK and Andrew Dice Clay. Yes, you read that correctly. Andrew. Dice. Clay. In a Woody Allen film. But let’s not kid ourselves. That “cache” died the second he put Julia Roberts in one.  And the fact that Owen Wilson was in his biggest film of the last 30 years nailed the coffin shut.

 

YOUR FIRST PROBLEM: NO HERO IS NAMED “PERCY”

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters is still hanging around like those leftovers in the back of the fridge you thought you threw out but the smell reminds you that you didn’t, but thankfully at $152M worldwide from a $90M budget, there won’t be any more of them.

 

APTLY NAMED FILM

Finally, World’s End closes out the top ten at number ten.