Tag Archives: Pompeii

ALL LIAM NEESON, ALL THE TIME

2 Mar

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1. Non-Stop/Universal                               Wknd/$  30.0            Total/$  30.0

 2. Son of God/Fox                                      Wknd/$  26.5            Total/$  26.5

 3. The LEGO Movie/WB                           Wknd/$  21.0            Total/$  209.3

 4. The Monuments Men/Sony                 Wknd/$    5.0            Total/$   65.7

 5. 3 Days To Kill/Relativity                       Wknd/$    4.9            Total/$   20.7

 6. RoboCop/Sony                                        Wknd/$    4.5            Total/$   51.2

 7. Pompeii/TriStar                                      Wknd/$    4.3            Total/$   17.7

 8. Frozen/Disney                                         Wknd/$    3.6            Total/$ 388.7

 9. About Last Night/SG                              Wknd/$    7.4            Total/$   43.8

10. Ride Along/Universal                            Wknd/$    4.7            Total/$  123.2

 

NOW THIS IS HOW A LIAM NEESON MOVIE PERFORMS, COSTNER!

Really Jesus? Did you think you could stand up to the mature action whirlwind that is Liam Neeson?  Yes, once again Liam Neeson defies the odds and carries an action film to number one with no help from anyone (somewhere Sylvester Stallone shakes his head as he counts up how much money he had to divide amongst the 25 stars in The Expendables 3), while Son of God…if God Was A Surfer opens at number two.  I was there for Taken, but I’ve given the rest of Neeson’s “Old Guys Kick Ass Too” oeuvre a pass and this is no exception.  It didn’t help that it reminded me too much of Jodie Foster’s movie, Flightplan in that the very premise, while initially intriguing ultimately comes across as both dumb and unbelievable unless everyone had a brain tumor for breakfast. Coincidentally that’s the same reason I didn’t see Son of God.

 

ZEUS & CHRIST VS. TOYS

Liam Neeson’s power extends itself to The LEGO Movie down to number three. Seriously, it took Liam Neeson and Jesus to pry this movie from the top spot and Liam Neeson is actually in The LEGO Movie as “Good Cop/Bad Cop” which is a hysterical riff on every action movie you’ve ever seen.  Best gag: every time Bad Cop appears someone provides him a chair to kick, even when he’s on a spaceship.

 

LESS IS MORE, CRASH DAVIS

The Monuments Men rises to number four because maybe people are realizing it’s not as bad as some say. I think expectations were deservedly high on this, but once you let those go it’s not the worst way you can spend two hours. Yes, I’m looking at you, 3 Days to Kill down to number five, because a silly action film that’s clearly on the lighter side should not be two freaking hours long. Let me put it this way: Liam Neeson, whom you’re clearly trying to be here? His action comeback film, Taken, was only 93 minutes.  Boom! In yo’ face!

 

YOU COULDN’T FIND A ROLE FOR ADAM WEST?

Robocop is down to number six and this actually has two generations of Batman films in it.  Michael Keaton, who sucked as Bruce Wayne (I’ll maintain to my grave that Batman is not a skinny, ugly, balding guy with no chin) and Gary Oldman, who was perfectly cast as Commissioner Gordon. Think they talked about it? No, me neither.

 

CASSIA’S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON…

Pompeii is down to number seven and also in this is Carrie-Anne Moss and how much do you think she misses the days of The Matrix?  Try doubling that and you might come close.  Her moment of heat was not well spent so here she is in the latest of a series of “hot mom” roles.

 

BECAUSE IT HASN’T MADE ENOUGH MONEY

Frozen is holding at number eight, but expect a bounce once it wins the Oscar for Best Song tonight.

 

HOW CAN WE MISS YOU IF YOU WON’T GO AWAY

About Last Night and Ride Along close out the top ten at nine and ten respectively, meaning we’re finally taking a break from Kevin Hart… until his next 12 movies over the next three months. I’m kidding. Well, I hope I am anyway.

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I KNOW LIAM NEESON AND YOU, COSTNER ARE NO LIAM NEESON

23 Feb

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 1. The LEGO Movie/WB                             Wknd/$  31.5            Total/$  183.2

 2. 3 Days To Kill/Relativity                        Wknd/$  12.3            Total/$   12.3

 3. Pompeii/TriStar                                       Wknd/$  10.0            Total/$   10.0

 4. RoboCop/Sony                                          Wknd/$    9.4            Total/$   43.6

 5. The Monuments Men/Sony                    Wknd/$    8.1            Total/$   58.1

 6. About Last Night/SG                                Wknd/$    7.4            Total/$   38.2

 7. Ride Along/Universal                               Wknd/$   4.7             Total/$  123.2

 8. Frozen/Disney                                            Wknd/$   4.4            Total/$ 384.1

 9. Endless Love/Universal                           Wknd/$    4.3            Total/$   20.1

10. Winter’s Tale/Warner                             Wknd/$    2.1            Total/$    11.2

 

MORE LIKE TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE MURDERED

The LEGO Movie holds on to number one for a deserved third straight week followed by 3 Days To Kill, opening at number two and I was actually prepared to see this for some silly action fun…until I found out the director was none other than the horrific McG.  Out of the unholy Trinity of bad, blockbuster directors who blew up in the late 90’s early ‘00’s of Brett Ratner, Michael Bay and McG, McG is by far the worst and that’s saying something.  He tanked the Terminator franchise much in the way Ratner was the first stumble in the X-Men franchise (until the Wolverine films showed it could get much, much worse…). Like the other two, he tried to show he could do a film about people and like the other two he failed miserably with We Are Marshall. He’s just a painfully untalented man, but sad proof that crap does float in that he’s still allowed to try and direct films.  There was hope that he’d been reduced to his talent level: directing for TV after the flop that was This Is War, which put a damper on the rising stars of Chris Pine and Tom Hardy (and killed any attempt by Reese Witherspoon to return to her early-century glory days), but no, he’s back and bringing Kevin Costner’s comeback attempts to a screeching halt in this clear attempt to try and horn in on Liam Neeson’s crown as the “mature” action star. Seriously, why do actors work with this guy?  Lucky for both of them it only cost $28M so a $12m opening isn’t the worst thing in the world, but next week the real Liam Neeson is back and guess which film is going to suffer most for it?

 

A DIRECTOR BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SUCK JUST AS MUCH

Speaking of bad films from untalented directors, Pompeii opens poorly at number three and this is from none other than Paul W.S. Anderson. The “W.S” to let you know he’s not the Paul Anderson making actual films like Boogie Nights and There Will Be Blood. No, this is the guy keeping his own wife’s career in the Farm Leagues thanks to the Resident Evil franchise. What’s sad is that there’s an actual historical precedent for this story in that the remains of a rich woman and man were found in the arena at Pompeii suggesting maybe they’d snuck there for a rendezvous because no one else was around. Oh, you didn’t know? Anyone and everyone who could get out of Pompeii had gotten the hell out. Its eruption wasn’t some surprise that caught a city off guard, so let’s kill that myth once and for all.  Think this film reflects that given how Anderson has been bragging about his research? Me neither.  Needless to say he’s already working on the next Resident Evil film…

 

MAYBE EMINEM DOES SAVE DETROIT AFTER ALL

Robocop is down to number four and one major problem with this film is that he really doesn’t need to be Robocop to get the bad guy. In the original Alex Murphy was one of many cops set up to be injured in order to become the subject of the procedure.  Here, it’s just a coincidence that he’s almost killed when they’re looking for a subject.  Also when he tracks down his “killer” there’s nothing special about how he does it. He tracks one phone to another phone, finds him and kills him. That’s it.  No special cyborg abilities needed which makes you wonder why they couldn’t catch this guy to begin with. Yes, there are corrupt cops protecting the bad guy, but since Murphy and his partner aren’t telling people what they’re doing anyway, there’s no way they could have been stopped.  He doesn’t get blown up, he never becomes Robocop.  Not to mention why does Detroit in this future need a Robocop to begin with given it doesn’t have any of the urban decay we saw in the original…or now.?  Seriously, this Detroit is better than the current Detroit.  In a better film that would be the satirical point, but here it’s just another sign of ineptitude.

 

PRETTY…BORING

The Monuments Men is down to number five followed by About Last Night at number six and also in this are Michael Ealy and Joy Bryant and it’s okay if you missed them because as it turns out the screenwriter was actually told to bump the supporting characters over the leads, which actually wound up making them the leads and the former leads are now just straight men despite being much more attractive. This makes sense if, like me, you remember just how utterly boring Rob Lowe and Demi Moore were, despite being pretty and naked.  And if their names sound familiar it’s because they were briefly “Hot Young Things.”  Michael Ealy was Halle Berry’s co-star in the Oprah Produced (key words) TV adaptation of “Their Eyes Were Watching God” which meant everyone knew his name for 5 minutes.  Joy Bryant is a former model (which meant Ealy was probably standing on a box for most of his scenes with her).  She was hot briefly in the early part of this century thanks to her first big role being in Denzel Washington’s directorial debut, Antwone Fisher.  Well that and dating 50 Cent during the making of Get Rich or Die Trying.

 

BWC –BRUTHAS WITH CASH

Ride Along, Kevin Hart’s other film in the top ten is down to number seven and this has made $123M off a $25M budget so I’m guessing they’re backing up a truck of money to Kevin Hart’s house for a sequel. In the meantime it’s Ice Cube’s turn to now ignore Chris Tucker calling doing about another Friday movie. He’s got a new cash cow to do the heavy lifting.

 

AS A CANADIAN HE’S TOO NICE TO TURN CRAP DOWN

Frozen holds at number eight, followed by Endless Love at number nine and it hurts me that Bruce Greenwood is in this.  He deserves so much better.

 

ONE OF THESE HEARTTHROBS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER

Finally Winter’s Tale closes out the top ten at number ten and the other guy who can’t buy a hit in this movie? None other than Russell Crowe. Remember when he was mentioned in the same breath as George Clooney on Sex & The City?  Betcha he does.  Clooney was in Gravity last year. Know that Crowe was in? Man of Steel. That says it all.  You know what Crowe was doing while Clooney was getting an Oscar for producing Argo?  Getting mocked for his singing in Les Miserables.

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The Original: Angrygeek.com

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