Tag Archives: LA Confidntial

TODAY’S TOPIC IS AGING OUT…AGAIN

6 Jun

neighbors

 

  1. Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles 2    Wknd/$   35.4     Total/$   35.3
  2. X-Men: Apocalypse/Fox                  Wknd/$   22.3     Total/$ 116.5
  3. Me Before You/Warner                     Wknd/$   18.3     Total/$   18.3
  4. Alice Through the Looking Glass  Wknd/$   10.7     Total/$   50.8
  5. The Angry Birds Movie/Sony          Wknd/$     9.8      Total/$     9.8
  6. Captain America: Civil War/BV      Wknd/$     7.6      Total/$ 388.9
  7. Neighbors 2/Universal                      Wknd/$     4.7      Total/$   48.6
  8. Popstar/Universal                               Wknd/$     4.6     Total/$    4.6
  9. The Jungle Book/Disney                    Wknd/$     4.2     Total/$ 347.5
  10. The Nice Guys/WB                              Wknd/$     3.5      Total/$   29.1

 

MONEY BETTER SPENT ON PIZZA. GET IT!?!

Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles: Out of the Shadows opens at number one and while this has gotten better reviews than its predecessor it’s still not going to get me in there. Life is short and the 93 minutes the first one took out of my life back in 1990 is still a personal regret to someone who has almost the second season of Jane the Virgin sitting unwatched on his DVR. But even then it was a stretch for me as I had “aged out” of the demographic for the TNMT. I never watched the cartoon and at best I liked the arcade game because at that time I was learning the bo staff at the time and one of them used it in the game. I am happy that Stephen Amell is getting his toe into the theatrical game though. Based on this disappointing 4th season, Arrow needs to think about its end game soon and he needs to be working on his next step.

 

X AIN’T GIVING IT TO YA

X-Men: Apocalypse is down to number two and speaking of disappointing superhero translations that I’d aged out of, the Apocalypse character and storyline happened after I’d left the X-Men comics as a kid because frankly it had gotten too damn depressing (Chris Claremont, the writer would later admit he was going through a bad patch so in turn inflicted it on the characters. Thanks, asshole.). This is especially disappointing given it’s Bryan Singer at the helm. He not only help set the standards of the modern day superhero film as something to be taken seriously, but directed the best X-Men film (X2) and undid the damage of X3 with X-Men: Days of Future Past (it literally wiped it out). So it’s surprising that this bland trainwreck came from him. The biggest problem is that it forgets what the X-Men are at their heart: a metaphor for discrimination. The X-Men are whatever minority or discriminated group you choose, but you will only find the barest remnants of that here. It’s a dull, thudding superhero film with lots of special effects and no heart or characters to care about. The very first X-Men movie still works because at its heart it’s about two diametrically opposed outsiders (Wolverine and Rogue) finding a home with others and each other. Nothing even approaching that exists here. It should have been Cyclops or Storm (who in this new history are being introduced to the X-Men for the first time) but the actors playing them are not stars and Jennifer Lawrence is, but they don’t know what to do with her character. Gone is the revolutionary who doesn’t think she should be obligated to look human and in her place is a superstar who doesn’t want to be painted blue every day supported by studio execs that don’t want their most famous star covered in blue. With Hugh Jackman leaving (speaking of aging out) she’s now the face of the franchise so simultaneously its biggest asset and its biggest problem. This makes four superhero films I’ve seen this year and still only one I really liked and it’s the character I know and care the least about: Deadpool.

 

YOU DON’T GET A MEDAL FOR LOVING SOMEONE LESS THAN PERFECT

Me Before You is that a subset of romantic drama the disabled/dying romantic drama wherein one partner is either disabled or dying and they other deals with or overcomes that in the name of love. Though when I think about it, it’s actually a subset of the oldest love story variation of all: the tragedy. Obviously there’s not going to be a cure for one and the person dies in the other. That’s the reason for “the drama.” Honestly, because I’m shallow it’s not one I care for. Give me warring families or disparate origins/classes, but someone permanently disabled or dying is just too depressing. I want a full-on happy goddamn ending, or at the very least one where both parties walk off their separate ways. And I mean “walk” literally. Yeah, I said it. What part of “shallow” didn’t you get? This is actually being trashed by some as some kind of “disabled romantic porn” because the person not disabled has to be so, so, so good to love that person who isn’t perfect. This was a criticism placed even on the novel. I would add to that the disabled person in question is, of course, rich so I’m gonna guess that when they die this person is rewarded for being able to love a disabled person with a ridiculous fortune. Yeah, there’s no reason to see this at all.

 

21 CHUMP STREET

Alice Through the Looking Glass is down to number four and this is seen as a flop simply because it opened at number two last week. I think that has more to do with the current tide of public opinion turning against Johnny Depp. Allow me to remind you I’ve been telling you for years he’s utterly full of shit. I didn’t need a domestic abuse charge like the rest of you fuckers. You should have hated him for doing the first one, much less a shitty sequel. But guess what? This has made $125m overseas and the fact that the first made a billion worldwide is the reason this exists to begin with so don’t be surprised if an overwhelming international success leads to a third chapter. I mean that fourth Pirates of the Caribbean wasn’t exactly huge domestically either, but was ridiculously huge overseas so they’re making a fifth. Which makes Amber Heard’s lawyers very, very happy. I have no sympathy for middle-aged men in the midst of a mid-life crisis who hook up with obvious golddiggers. Take everything, girl.

 

HELL, I’M PLAYING IT RIGHT NOW

The Angry Birds Movie is down to number five and I was oddly interested in this because I love the game and obviously any movie that has a character that hates everything and everyone appeals to me. But that doesn’t mean I’d spend a dime to see it. No, I’ll catch it on cable in a year or so. What’s surprising is the ridiculous amount of comedic talent on-hand. Jason Sudekis (who should never be a leading man, but a funny supporting actor, so please stop trying), Josh Gad, Bill Hader, Mya Rudolph, Peter Dinklage, Kate McKinnon, Tony Hale, Hannibal Buress and Keegan Michael Key. Hell, even Sean Penn is here and that simple fact may be the funniest thing about it as he has no sense of humor, which means he did his lines straight, probably making them funny as fuck. Yeah, I’m soooo watching this on cable on a Sunday afternoon.

 

AMERICA IS NEVER WRONG!

Captain America: Civil War is down to number six and I remain unchanged in disliking this. Captain America is wrong and unreasonable in this movie and Captain America should never be wrong or unreasonable.

 

PRETTY DIRTY

Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising is down to number seven and I have to say I totally respect how Zac Efron has decided to stop playing to his “look” of the clean cut pretty boy and go directly against and basically be the new king of R-rated slob comedies. Also joining him on his ascent to comedic royalty is Rose Byrne who is showing up in everything and stealing the show. I mean, or so I’ve heard. I hate Seth Rogen so much nothing anyone says can get me into a movie where he’s the star. Again, what part of “shallow” are you not getting? Which brings us back to the fact that pretty boy Efron is basically playing the roles that probably would go to Rogen.

 

SHOULD HAVE STOPPED AFTER 3 MINUTES

Popstar: Never Stop Stopping is the first Lonely Island movie and apparently the last as it opened at number eight. See, this is a great idea for a digital short on SNL or a supporting character in a movie, but it’s difficult to watch an entire movie about a complete asshole even when you’re supposed to be laughing at him. The guys in Spinal Tap weren’t brilliant, but they weren’t irredeemable assholes either.   I was tired of this whole concept before the trailer had finished.

 

A TALENTED GUY WHO’S AN ASSHOLE IS SADLY REDUNDANT

The Jungle Book is down to number nine with The Nice Guys closing out the top ten at number ten and this is the latest R-rated buddy movie from Shane Black. He’s like a less-depressing, funnier yet no less dismissive of women James Ellroy. Like Ellroy he tells dark stories about the seamier side of Los Angles that begin with a beautiful dead woman and the two guys determined to try and find some justice for her (this movie actually reunites Kim Basinger and Russell Crowe who were in the adaptation of Ellroy’s LA Confidential). Black is a good director and is on point with the foul-mouthed, funny dialogue, but his complete and utter hatred of women remains a problem. This is him at his least offensive (it’d be difficult to top the pure misogyny of The Last Boy Scout), but just so you know it’s him the only smart female is a child and it opens with a “joke” that involves a centerfold/porn star dying in the exact same pose as her centerfold. Get it!?! Why she’s naked in car crash is beyond me, but Black doesn’t care. He’s been opening with dead, naked women since Lethal Weapon (also a porn star) and he’s not stopping now. While this is a good movie I’m not sad it’s a bit of a flop because he’s got to be made stop that shit and so long as he doesn’t have a blockbuster hit that’s his and his alone (I could have directed Iron Man 3 and had a hit) he’ll always be under someone’s thumb which will ideally slow him down. Unfortunately, it’s Hollywood, so it’s not like that’s going to slow him down too much.

 VISIT:

ORIGINAL ANGRYGEEK.COM

FORMER BOY WONDER PHOTOGRAPHY.COM

Advertisements

ROSEMARY’S BABY IS AN INDICTMENT OF THE PATRIARCHY

9 Jun

zoe-kravitz2

 1. The Purge/Universal                            Wknd/$  36.4            Total/$  36.4

 2. Fast & Furious 6/Universal                 Wknd/$  19.8            Total/$202.9

 3. Now You See Me/LGF                          Wknd/$  19.5            Total/$  61.4

 4. The Internship/Fox                               Wknd?$  18.1            Total/$   18.1

 5. Epic/Fox                                                   Wknd/$  12.1            Total/$  84.2

 6. Star Trek Into Darkness/Par                Wknd/$  11.7            Total/$ 200.1

 7. After Earth/Sony                                     Wknd/$  11.0            Total/$  46.6

 8. The Hangover Pt. III/Warners             Wknd/$   7.4            Total/$ 102.4

 9. Iron Man 3/Paramount                          Wknd/$   5.8            Total/$ 394.3

10. The Great Gatsby/Warners                  Wknd/$   4.2             Total/$ 136.2

 

NOW PLAYING AT THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION

The Purge opens at number one and it’s funny how right wing movies tend to be action oriented films where the government can solve the world’s ills with bullets and problems are caused by certain people (women, minorities, foreigners) messing things up, while left wing movies tend be horror films where the evil usually comes as the result of the government or status quo and it’s “certain people” who save the day or at least survive (there’s more politics in zombie movies than you think).  This speaks volumes about the mindset of the two groups.  While you discuss this amongst yourselves, The Purge is decidedly left wing presenting a dystopia where prosperity is based upon once a year letting people want to go out into the streets and commit whatever crimes they can upon those still out. Of course this would mean those lacking the money and power to hide and protect themselves.  Ethan Hawke is a man who blindly parrots the virtues of the yearly purge and has become wealthy selling home security systems so basically the movie is all about his chickens coming home to roost.  I passed because as we all know—say it with me—“I don’t do the scary.”  Good or bad, I avoid it where I can.  Also politics aside, how many of these freaking “family trapped in a house” movies have come out in the last few years?  And the home invaders all seem to be master ninjas who know how to silently get past security and are fearless and nearly invulnerable to weapons.  Not to mention all seem to wear the same kind of creepy mask and have in their groups girls who are 90 pounds soaking wet with rocks in their pockets that we’re to take seriously as threats.  Am I really supposed to be scared by Muffy and Buffy and in their gossamer dresses no matter how crazy?  I think not.  And while the average family shouldn’t be masters of setting up a defense choke point in their houses, it’s logical that a man who does home security would know better than most how to deal with intruders, but if he does, then you have no movie, so he has to be the least secure home security expert on earth.

 

BEAUTY FADES

Fast & The Furious 6 is finally down to number two and we’re gonna have to take the “pretty boy” out of Paul “Pretty Boy” Walker as time has robbed him of some of that golden boy beauty.  Not helping is the fact that someone, somewhere seems to think that looking grungy works for him. It doesn’t. A little beard stubble can be sexy; a lot without a beard just makes you look homeless.  So let’s get a shave and put some highlights back in those golden locks. You don’t see Brad Pitt letting himself be gray onscreen.

 

LIKE FINE WINE APPARENTLY WORKS FOR  DUDES TOO

Now You See Me is down to number three and if we continue playing our geek game, Alfred the Butler, Lucius Fox and The Incredible Hulk are all out to catch a bunch of con artists, AKA, “What’s The Worst Superhero Team Up Ever?”  Both Woody Harrelson and Mark Ruffalo are having a bit of a career resurgence in their middle age, the former churning out Oscar worthy work on a regular basis while the latter is seeming himself in hit films for the first time ever.  Both had a moment as the mainstream male lead when they were younger but ultimately couldn’t hang onto it.  Though honestly if Indecent Proposal means being on top and I can see why Harrelson may have just stopped trying. They both seem to pay the bills by supporting today’s younger leads in mainstream work, while starring in more substantial indie projects.  Well played, gentlemen. Well played.

 

NEXT UP: REDDIT THE MOVIE

The Internship opens at number four and my schadenfreude is in full effect as I cannot stand either Luke Wilson or Vince Vaughn and them together is basically my definition of hell. No, that would be trapped in an elevator with the two of them as they let flow with their patented stream of verbal diarrhea, though this is close.   Honestly, what made them think someone wanted to see a movie about Google?  Just because The Social Network made money doesn’t mean any website can have a movie. They would have been better off making Funeral Crashers, the logical bookend sequel to Wedding Crashers.

 

NO MATTER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE…BEING LOVED BY GEEKS

Epic holds on at number five, no doubt counting the days until Monsters University wipes it off the face of the earth, while Star Trek Into Darkness is down to number six and also in this is Buckaroo Banzai/Robocop himself, Peter Weller adding another geek cred to his tally after being the voice of Batman in the animated adaptation of The Dark Knight Returns, where his line readings were so boring I imagine he recorded them while sitting in his living room, sipping bourbon while reading the paper.  Thankfully, he’s a little more invested here.

 

IF IT MAKES YOUR FEEL BETTER, YOUR MOM WAS IN ANGEL HEART

After Earth drops to number seven and walking away from this pretty much unscathed is another second generation actor: Zoe Kravitz, the daughter of Lenny and Lisa Bonet.  She plays Will Smith’s daughter who was killed by one of the creatures while protecting Jaden who was understandably traumatized. She shows up in flashbacks throughout and can hopefully return to the X-Men franchise and put this all behind her.

 

MONEY TALKS, YOUR COMPLAINTS WALK

The Hangover III is down to number eight and despite lousy reviews and overall audience disappointment the momentum behind this film is still so strong that it’s already made $272M worldwide from a $103M budget, which means it will still be solidly profitable so director/writer Todd Phillips could give a shit what anyone thinks about this serious left turn.

 

IT’S A REWARD FOR BEING IN AN AWESOME FILM THAT TANKED

Iron Man 3 is down to number nine and also in this is Guy Pearce who at one point was rumored to be up for Daredevil before it went disastrously to Ben Affleck. On one hand, it would have been perfect casting for him to do it. On the other hand, he would have been in one of the worst superhero movies ever. Seriously, Elektra was better and Elektra was awful and something Jennifer Garner only did because of contractual obligations.  Funny how his LA Confidential co-star, Russell Crow will next be seen in Man of Steel, while his other LA Confidential costar, Kevin Spacey, was in Superman Returns and yet another LA Confidential costar, Kim Basinger, was in Batman and yet another LA Confidential co-star, Danny DeVito, was in Batman Returns and still another LA Confidential co-star, James Cromwell, was in Spider-Man 3. Oh, and he was in Count of Monte Cristo with Henry Cavill who plays Superman. Fine. It’s just funny to me, then.

 

THE END

Finally, The Great Gatsby closes out the top ten at number ten.

 

 

DEATH BY GINGER

13 Jan

ryan-reynolds-bradley-cooper

1. Zero Dark Thirty/Sony                             Wknd/$ 24.0            Total/$  29.5

 2. A Haunted House/                                    Wknd/$ 18.8            Total/$  18.8

 3. Gangster Squad/Warners                        Wknd/$  16.7            Total/$  16.7

 4. Django Unchained/Weinstein                Wknd/$  11.1             Total/$ 125.4

 5. Les Miserables/Universal                        Wknd/$  10.1             Total/$ 119.2

 6. The Hobbit/WB                                         Wknd/$    9.1             Total/$ 278.1

 7. Lincoln/Touchstone                                  Wknd/$    6.3            Total/$  152.6

 8. Parental Guidance/Fox                            Wknd/$    6.1             Total/$   60.7

 9. Texas Chainsaw 3D/LGF                         Wknd/$   5.2              Total/$   23.0

10.Silver Linings Playbook/Wein                Wknd/$    5.0             Total/$   41.3

 

REDHEADS ARE DANGEROUS

Zero Dark Thirty jumps to the number one slot thanks to multiple Oscar nominations (and the addition of over 2000 more screens) and much like Argo, you know a film is good when it tells you a story you already know (0r at least think you do) and it’s still suspenseful and interesting.  Jessica Chastain is a CIA agent who was apparently recruited out of high school (I think we just found the pitch for Justin Bieber’s first movie) and basically spends the whole of her twenties as part of the team tracking down Osama Bin Laden.  I don’t know about you, but I spent my 20’s slowly becoming less and less of a jackass and not much else. And I’m still pretty much a jackass, so it’s not like I was even good at it, much less having my actions change the world like she does.  But it makes sense to me because if I wanted to destroy a man I’d sic a redhead on him, especially a young one.  Those creatures don’t forgive or forget and won’t rest until they’ve put you in a grave. I’m lucky I escape…every time it happens.  When we first meet her she’s a rookie wearing her best suit to an interrogation that she can barely watch, but as time passes soon she’s not just participating in the interrogations, but telling off her bosses to the point where they goes along with her and ultimately describing herself to the head of the CIA as “that mutherfucker” that found Bin Laden, but all the while still seeming like this smart, geeky girl who has no business being there, much less in that line of work (given her pale skin, you’d think the desert sun would burn her to a crisp).  All the Oscar nominations here are clearly well deserved.

 

THE ONLY THING SCARIER THAN ONE LAME FRANCHISE IS TWO

A Haunted House opens at number two and the Scary Movie franchise was actually started off by the Wayans family for Miramax and later taken over by the Zucker team who brought us Airplane and The Naked Gun. Clearly there was a a falling out of some sort as this is the Wayans Family starting a rival franchise as the Scary Movie 5 is coming up which doesn’t look quite as funny as this one, even thought that’s not saying much at all and this one.  Clearly they’re stronger together than they are apart.  I might watch this on cable one day, but would never go out of my way to see it, which again is saying something given I paid to see all four previous Scary Movie films.

 

APPARENTLY NO ONE LIKES THIS PERIOD STORY, PERIOD

Gangster Squad opens at number three leaving Ryan Gosling still searching for that mainstream movie hit to match his commiserate level of fame.  This movie with Nick Nolte about the infamous “Hat Squad” of the LAPD which used dubious methods to keep organized crime from the east out of Los Angeles is not to be confused with Mulholland Falls, another Nick Nolte movie about the infamous “Hat Squad” of the LAPD which used dubious methods to keep organized crime from the east out of Los Angeles.  And neither is to be confused with LA Confidential, which also had the LAPD using dubious methods to keep organized crime from the east out of LA as part of its storyline. The difference between this and Mulholland Falls is that the writers strangely thought this interesting piece of history wasn’t interesting enough and spun off into some ridiculous story about atomic bomb testing and cover-ups.  Even the awesome LA Confidential didn’t make it the main story.  However, Mulholland Falls did manage to get Jennifer Connelly naked before the title credits even stopped rolling so there’s that.  Nick Nolte was the leading man in that one, but almost 20 years later now he’s old guy boss and Josh Brolin is the guy leading the hat squad (though that aspect seems to have been dropped here as well) and Ryan Gosling is one of his young, hot cops (between Chazz Palmenteri, Chris Penn and Michael Madsen, Nick Nolte’s team could also have been called “The Fat Squad”). I hate to say it, but the reason I passed on this story as opposed to the other two has more to do with Sean Penn in silly makeup and overacting as Mickey Cohen (his character’s death is the catalyst for much of what happens in LA Confidential, but is nowhere to be seen in Mulholland Falls).  He looks like he wandered in off the  set of Dick Tracy.  Is Haiti fixed?  Doesn’t he have something better to do than be the unpleasant hole in films I might otherwise have seen?

 

KEEPING B-MOVIE ACTORS WORKING

Django Unchained is down to number four and because this is a Quentin Tarantino it’s filled with all sorts of odd pop culture friendly casting, as evidenced by none other than Tom Wopat showing up as a US Marshal.  Yeah, Luke Duke in a Tarantino film.  Also here are Dennis Christopher from Breaking Away, Lee Horsley from Matt Houston and the great The Sword & The Sorcerer; Russ Tamblyn who once starred in a film called Son of A Gunfighter and plays that character here and daughter Amber is along for the ride as, yes, Daughter of Son of a Gunfighter.  And to top it all off, Don freaking Johnson.  Half the cast is a game of “Hey, it’s that guy!”

 

THE OTHERS

Les Miserables is down to number five followed by The Hobbit at number six and Lincoln at number seven.

 

WHEN BILLY MET MONEY

Parental Guidance is down to number eight and it looks like the joke is on me as this has made $65M off a $25M budget ($83M worldwide) and it looks like Billy Crystal has found the payday for his twilight years. And for him it’s not the move of a desperate actor looking to stay relevant (I’m looking at you Eddie Murphy), it’s just the easy payday he’s earned after 40 years.

 

SOMEWHERE ROGER CORMAN BEAMS WITH PRIDE

Texas Chainsaw 3D is down to number nine, but that’s okay.  It’s made $30M and probably cost about $5, so everyone is happy.  And it’ll be out on DVD in about a week.

 

IT’S LIKE THE BROCOLI OF MOVIES

Finally, The Silver Linings Playbook also returns to the top ten as a result of Oscar nominations and still they were not enough to get me into see it. Seriously.  I know it’ll be good, but I just can’t seem to get myself into the theater.  I chose Zero Dark Thirty at over two-and-a-half hours over this.  I’m going to have to make it a date or something so I feel obligated to go.  I’m blaming Bradley Cooper, whom I don’t mind, but still find terribly interesting and remain shocked he’s a now a box office draw and an Oscar nominated actor.  Somewhere Ryan Reynolds is confused, because he’s the same kinds of dull.  Yeah, but he’s a boring American, Canada-boy. Trivia: the role of Green Lantern came down to Bradley Cooper and Ryan Reynolds.  Reynolds got the role and a wife from it, while Cooper went on to be in successful, critically acclaimed films.  Don’t kid yourself if you think Reynolds wouldn’t switch places with him. Hell, Blake Lively would switch places with him.  They’ve made film together so that press tour is going to fun…for one of them. The other will be staring daggers the entire time.