Tag Archives: kristen stewart

TRUTH, JUSTICE AND THE MUNCHIES

24 Aug

eisencera
1. Straight Outta Compton/Universal            Wknd/$ 26.8   Total/$ 111.5
2. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation            Wknd/$ 11.7    Total/$ 157.8
3. Sinister 2/Focus                                             Wknd/$ 10.6   Total/$ 10.6
4. Hitman: Agent 47/Fox                                  Wknd/$ 8.2     Total/$ 26.6
5. The Man from UNCLE/Paramount            Wknd/$ 7.4     Total/$ 26.6
6. American Ultra/LGF                                     Wknd/$ 5.5     Total/$ 5.5
7. The Gift/STX                                                   Wknd/$ 4.3     Total/$ 31.1
8. Ant-Man/Disney                                             Wknd/$ 4.1     Total/$ 164.5
9. Minions/Universal                                        Wknd/$ 3.7      Total/$ 320.0
10. Fantastic Four/Fox                                      Wknd/$ 3.7      Total/$ 49.6

ALSO I’VE NEVER SEEN FRIDAY AND NEVER WILL
Straight Out of Compton holds at number one and now that I know that director F. Gary Gray was the cameraman who watched Dr. Dre beat Dee Barnes chances of me seeing this went from slim to nil. I’ve always said you should be careful in looking into the private life of anyone creative because you probably won’t like what you find. History is filled with examples of the most talented people you can imagine being utterly fucking despicable. From Wagner’s anti-Semitism to Lewis Carroll’s unnatural obsession with the girl who inspired Alice to John Lennon and Stevie Wonder slapping around their wives to Michael Jackson molesting young boys (shut up. you know he did it) to a fucking laundry list of crappy parenting, exceptional talent seems to go hand-in-hand with being a total asshole. But where do you separate the dancer from the dance? The journalist who exposed the more than two-dozen statutory charges against R. Kelly (not that I’d ever call that fucker exceptionally talented) that Kelly bought off put it best: R. Kelly is basically singing about what he does, while Michael Jackson never sung about molesting children. There’s also an element of culpability. John Lennon admitted to what he did as a bad husband and bad father and presumably strove to be better without any public pressure. Dr. Dre didn’t admit to jackshit until Apple clearly made him issue an apology last week due to their investment in his billion-dollar Beats (horribly ironic name it seems) sound system. And even then he doesn’t own it, instead citing being a drinker. Yeah, that’s right up there with blaming racist statements on drinking. Booze doesn’t make you anything; it only reveals what you are. It’s like money in that. The problem with N.W.A. is that they did talk about beating women, which is clearly what at least one of them was doing (ironically, not the actual drug dealing gang member). So, while I can still enjoy The Italian Job remake or “Keep Their Heads Ringing (which was written by Jay Z anyway), this shit will not take up one second of my life. Ever.

‘CAUSE THAT SCORSESE THING REALLY DIDN’T TAKE NOW DID IT?
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation holds at number two and Tom Cruise seems to have finally found the right writer/director for him in Christopher McQuarrie, who wrote not only wrote Valkyrie, Edge of Tomorrow and Jack Reacher but directed Jack Reacher as well. He also handled writer/director duties here. They may not be perfect movies, but they are satisfying for the most part and most of all they were all successes for Cruise and having someone who maintains A-list status for over 30 years looking to you is great trump card for a writer/director. He’ll be given a free pass to work between Cruise films and there’s no way he’s going to turn that down.

AT LEAST IN THE OLD DAYS THE MONSTER SEEMED TO DIE IN THE END
Sinister 2 opens at number three and given I didn’t see the first it was pretty much guaranteed I wouldn’t be seeing this. Say it with me, kids: I don’t do the scary. Plus a sequel means the bad guy clearly won in the first film and I hate that shit.

‘CAUSE THERE’S MORE BLOOD ON NETFLIX
Hitman: Agent 47 opens at number four, one of two “super-soldier” movies opening this weekend and while I did see the first one and was a little intrigued by a second once they showed there was going to be a badass woman, I ultimately decided to give it a pass. I’ll catch it on Netflix in a year because it does look like fun at the very least. Yes, that’s the new “I’ll catch it on cable.”

KEATON WAS NEVER BATMAN TO BEGIN WITH, THAT’S WHY!
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. is down to number five and I’m sorry this isn’t doing better. First, because it’s a decent movie and second, because I always root for guys playing superheroes to have careers outside of it. I don’t blame Henry Cavill for the shitstorm he signed up for and want him to have a good career because one of the reasons it’s actually difficult to get good actors to be play superheroes is because some of them are such icons you really can’t escape it afterwards (to this day, Lynda Carter is Wonder Woman). Christian Bale doesn’t live in the shadow of Batman because he had career defining roles before an after it, not to mention an Oscar. Kilmer and Clooney never played the role more than once and like Bale had significant work outside of it. But Christopher Reeve never “escaped the cape” like George Reeves before him. And let’s not pretend Dean Cain and Tom Welling had a chance to begin with, shall we?

NOT SCOTT PILGRIM VS. ONLY THE CIA
Speaking of super soldiers and Superman, American Ultra opens at number six and this is basically what if Captain America or Jason Bourne were a stoner. Seriously. Jesse Eisenberg is playing Lex Luthor in the next horrible Superman movie, but here he’s a three-strike stoner who gets recruited by the government for experiments into making super-soldiers. For reasons that are explained later the program is shut down and he’s dropped into a one-horse town as a convenience store clerk with a post-hypnotic suggestion that causes him anxiety attacks whenever he tries to leave. He’s clearly self-medicating with weed but has a girlfriend who seems to have no problem with him. Problems occur when Topher Grace (whose ease at playing dicks seems to confirm rumors about him) decides that Eisenberg has tried to leave town one too man times and sends assassins in to take him out. Connie Britton was the head of the program that recruited Eisenberg and to save him, activates him, so much to his own surprise, he becomes a badass killer whenever he’s attacked…but reverts to his sad stoner self between attacks. Given how often he and Michael Cera are so often and justifiably compared this is very much his own Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, where Cera kicked ass left and right, while otherwise being a whiny dweeb. Unfortunately, it’s meeting with the same lack of success. It’s also not as good, being seemingly unwilling to really cut loose with its premise until the final showdown. They get the stoner part right, but take far too long with the killing machine aspect. It’s a one-joke premise that needed to move a little more quickly before wearing out its welcome.

PUTTING THAT EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS MONEY TO GOOD USE
The Gift is down to number seven and I had no idea Joel Edgerton both wrote and directed this. Also well played to choose the weirdo role over the protagonist. He’s become the odd genuinely talented Australian import, in a world where Jai Courtneys and Sam Worthingtons are given big budget films in which to be utterly bland. Not even bad, which would be fun at least, but boring which is the worst thing an artist can be.

MONEY, HONEY
Ant-Man is down to number eight and while this is far from a flop, it’s not the hard success some might have you think. $361M worldwide from a $130M budget may seem good, but you have to remember that studios get less than half of the overseas take, so at best they’re getting $80M from that $197M overseas take. Combine that with the $165 domestic take and you haven’t even doubled the budget, which is the basic minimum to cover production and advertising costs. Expect a sequel to be much heavier on super-hero guest stars to help out.

AN AMC SERIES JUST AIN’T PAYING FOR SHIT
Minions is down to number nine while Fantastic Four closes out the top ten on its third miserable week and I can’t stop laughing at it. Thankfully, no one will blame Kate Mara (who was apparently forced onto them by the studio), Michael B. Jordan (who was in Chronicle) or Jamie Bell (who should have played Don Blake in a proper adaptation of Thor) for this mess. Especially Jamie Bell. This was clearly to give him some kind of clout to make better indie films, like how Snowpiercer was probably only made because his co-star in that film, Chris Evans, agreed to be in it. There’s no other reason he’s here.

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WE’RE NOT GONNA WATCH IT

18 Jun

1. Madagascar 3/Dreamworks                        Wknd/$   35.5           Total/$ 120.5

 2. Prometheus/Fox                                           Wknd/$   20.2           Total/$  88.9

 3. Rock of Ages/Warners                                 Wknd/$   15.1            Total/$  15.1

 4. Snow White & The Huntsman/U              Wknd/$   13.8            Total/$ 122.6

 5. That’s My Boy/Sony                                     Wknd/$   13.0            Total/$  13.0

 6. MIB 3/Sony                                                    Wknd/$   10.0            Total/$ 152.7

 7. The Avengers/Disney                                    Wknd/$    8.8            Total/$ 586.7

 8. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel/Fox         Wknd/$    2.2            Total/$  35.1

 9. Moonrise Kingdom/Focus                            Wknd/$    2.2            Total/$    6.8

10. What To Expect When…/LGF                     Wknd/$    1.3            Total/$  38.8

 

THIS IS WHY I HAVE TO WATCH PORN

Madagascar 3 holds at number one followed by Prometheus at number two and by now you probably have heard about the movie’s greatest failing: Charlize Thereon and Idris Elba have sex off camera.  What. The Fuck?  Seriously, what the fuck!?!  What is the point in casting the pretty people if we’re not going to see them either naked or fucking or naked and fucking?  Don’t tell me they were the best actors for the job either. That’s bullshit.  I like them both, but world is filled with better ones and we wouldn’t have been put through Elba’s unnecessary southern drawl. Apparently in Alien movies it’s okay to have monsters that are not only phallic and vaginal but usually both at the same time, but to have a non-violent interaction between a phallus and a vagina is inappropriate.  What this says about Ridley Scott I don’t want to know.  Just know that a planned sex scene with Russell Crowe and Conie Nielsen was cut by him as well.

 

KILLING THE 80’S ALL OVER AGAIN

Rock of Ages opens at number three and whenever I have to ask myself why I need to see a film, it’s a pretty good sign that I simply don’t want to see that film.  Rock of Ages is one such film.  The Broadway show it’s based upon is literally blocks away from my house and despite a love of cheesy 80’s hair metal I’ve never had the slightest inclination to see it.  Granted, I don’t care about theater in general but this was something aimed at me and I still didn’t care.  I guess the reasons why are the same reasons most people have for not seeing this movie: I don’t want to hear “Glee” versions of a song I like.  “Pour Some Sugar on Me” doesn’t have some deep emotional connection to anyone with an IQ above room temperature, but by the same token no one wants to hear Tom Cruise do it or see it attached a situation to it that conflicts with our own memories associated with it (which is usually too many sake bombs at karaoke a decade ago that led to that one-night stand with a co-worker).  My other reason is their song choices.  Def Leppard is great; David Lee Roth’s solo material? Not so much.  Seriously. Not Van Halen but that solo shit he did.  Is “Yankee Rose” here too?  And Starship’s “We Built This City” is one of the worse fucking songs of the 80’s (if not all time) and justified every lawsuit Paul Kanter launched to stop the group after he left (it was originally Jefferson Airplane, then became Jefferson Starship, then Starship after the lawsuit).  All the hair metal of the 80’s from Ratt to Warrant to Motley Crue to Winger and this is the shit they chose?  Even the Bon Jovi song they chose isn’t one of the fun ones.  Yes, I hate “Wanted Dead or Alive” and I’m sure I’d hate it even more coming out of the mouth of Tom Cruise.

 

AT LEAST HE HAS AN EXCUSE: HE’S CANADIAN

Snow White & The Huntsman is down to number four and it’s not often I quote from the internet, but I have to give to give it up here for the blogger who called Kristen Stewart “the Keanu Reeves of this generation.”  Seriously. It’s perfect.  A big block of wood that sits motionless through virtually every film, but is oddly insanely successful. Okay, maybe not so odd. When someone is such a blank slate it allows audience members to easily superimpose themselves on top of them. Not that it works for everyone, as Sam Worthington can attest, but clearly there’s  “blank” and there’s “blank.”  But at least Keanu was pretty.  Stewart’s attractive at best but has one mega-franchise under her belt and they’re talking sequel to this.  I mean, it’s not gonna happen, but that they’re even talking it is amazing.

 

THIS STILL DOESN’T EXCUSE THE AMERICAN PIE FRANCHISE

That’s My Boy opens at number five and in my day a movie team up between two generations of Saturday Night Live members gave you Trading Places.  You poor bastards get this shit.  The only saving grace is that once upon a time this would have opened at number one.  It’s only number five, continuing the world’s utter resistance to Andy Samberg as a big screen star and perhaps letting Sandler know his time is finally running out as well.  So I guess what I’m saying is, I owe you one, all you otherwise tasteless fucking morons who sat this one out.

 

IF I DON’T SEE IT THE TERROISTS WIN!

Men In Black 3 is down to number six, followed by The Avengers at number seven and because a billion dollars isn’t enough money, this may get a “director’s cut” release in August and I hate the fact that I might see it because it will follow the logical concept that Captain America would be the center of the film, as the “stranger in a strange land” rather than Iron Man being more the focus because that was the biggest hit of the Marvel series of films and Robert Downey Jr is a bigger star.  Though nothing’s going to save that stupid plot.  Nothing.

 

THAT’S DAME JUDI DENCH WHOOPING THOR’S ASS

Speaking of hits, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is down to number eight and in terms of dollars spent to dollars earned this actually beats The Avengers having made $117M worldwide from a $10M budget.  The Avengers has only made 7X its budget in comparison.

 

IT’S A MOVIE SURVIVAL MECHANISM

Moonrise Kingdom actually rises to number nine and I still can’t bring myself to see something that looks so precious and quirky I think I’ll vomit.

 

THERE IS NO “I” IN “FLOP ENSEMBLE”

Finally closing out the top ten is What To Expect When You’re Expecting and with a $37M budget and a $49M worldwide return, you won’t see Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez participating in another one of these.  Even crap like The Backup Plan doubled its budget and Bad Teacher was a flat out hit.  Why share failure when you can totally possess a hit?

 

NO LONGER WILL THEY CALL HIM “THE SHUT IN”

So, I’ve been making an effort to enjoy the cultural opportunities NYC all but drops on the heads of its citizens.  Seriously, you can’t walk down the fucking street without running into some festival or show opening (especially in the summer) which seems great, but really I just want to go to the grocery store without having to cross to the other side of the street.  So far I’ve just been going to museums and parks, but thanks to a friend who is on a mission to get me to go out dancing (good luck with that), I learned that performing at Summerstage was none other than a reunited Groove Theory. Now anyone who knows me knows that “Tell Me” by Groove Theory is my favorite R&B song of the 90’s bar none and that’s saying something.  I’ve even forced myself to follow lead singer Amiel Larrieux’s solo career as a result (“solo career” and “Bryce Wilson” simply don’t go together).  Thankfully, time has either healed old wounds or allowed them grow up enough to realize they were never as successful apart as they were together.  Personally, I think it’s Larrieux’s daughter hitting college age that made her realize it was time to get back to making some real money. Higher education isn’t cheap.  For this I needed someone my own age to come with me, but of course Yoga Woman who is my age and down for some R&B (she’s a white girl from Nebraska) has no memory of them.  Sigh. Nevertheless she was game for an outdoor show and ironically was a longtime devotee of another group on the bill, Black Thought.  Yeah, Groove Theory she’s never heard of, but when Black Thought hit the stage she shot up closer to the stage like a 13-year-old girl at a Justin Beiber concert.  You’re allowed to bring food into the venue, but not your own booze.  Thankfully the brutha in front of us knew a guy who worked security and advised us on how to properly smuggle in the bottle of Malbec I’d brought with me.  He was also hysterically adamant about the rules of concert going.  “You’re either upfront in the shark tank dancing in the crowd or in the kiddie pool sitting in the bleachers.”  It turned out to be unwarranted a warning. It was a very chill group. I wasn’t surprised, but Yoga Woman was, suggesting that the crowd was probably predominantly Brooklyn.  Yeah, right. When I think “peaceful gathering” I think of a bunch of muthafuckas from Brooklyn.  I told her it was probably a) Groove Theory didn’t attract a raucous type of crowd, b) anyone who loved them in 1995 is too damn old and tired to start trouble now and c) while I hate to stereotype my people, the NBA Finals were also on. When the show finally started it was my time to be a fan and move up to the front.  As always Amiel Larrieux’s enthusiasm continues to outweigh her talent and honestly both she and the music would be better served if she stopped trying to hit so many high notes and most of all scat.  It’s annoying when Christina Aguilera does it and she’s got a great voice.  Amiel is beautiful, has a nice enough voice and puts on a good show.  That’s three a lot of people don’t have so let it be enough. One Patti LaBelle is one too many for some people (i.e., my mom).  The voice that was unexpectedly impressive was that of her equally beautiful teenaged daughter, Skye, who performs with the band on keyboards and backing vocals.  It’s a richer version of her mother’s and hopefully when she starts performing she’ll have learned some restraint. I guess the reason I really dislike all the needless wailing like an American Idol contestant is that it not only stretches out a song, limiting the number they can perform (i.e., my personal favorites going unheard), but also wears her voice out so she can no longer hit the high notes on the one song everyone came to hear.  And honestly, doing a tribute to Donna Summer is nice, but again, only shows the light years of difference between her voice and yours.  Same for doing Maxwell’s “Ascension.”  Again, this meant fewer songs from your ONE ALBUM.  You should be playing the fucking thing in its entirety!  But since they’ve formally reunited hopefully that will no longer be an issue in the future.

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL/WHO MADE THE WORST SNOW WHITE FILM OF ALL?

3 Jun

1. Snow White & The Huntsman/U            Wknd/$   56.3           Total/$  56.3

2. MIB 3/Sony                                                Wknd/$   29.3           Total/$ 112.3

3. The Avengers/Disney                               Wknd/$   20.3           Total/$ 552.7

4. Battleship/Universal                                Wknd/$    4.8            Total/$  55.1

5. The Dictator/Paramount                         Wknd/$    4.7            Total/$  50.8

6. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel/Fox    Wknd/$    4.6            Total/$  25.5

7. What To Expect When…/LGF                Wknd/$    4.4            Total/$  30.7

8. Dark Shadows/Warners                          Wknd/$    3.9            Total/$  70.8

9. Chernobyl Diaries/Warner                      Wknd/$    3.0            Total/$   14.4

10. For Greater Glory/Arc                            Wknd/$    1.8            Total/$    1.8

YOU’RE NEXT, SLEEPING BEAUTY

Snow White & The Huntsman opens at number one, which is good because it shows that a female themed and lead action/fantasy movie can do well.  The downside is that it sucks and will drop like a rock next week resulting in the impression that a female themed and lead action/fantasy film can’t do well.  Nice production design, beautiful costumes (Academy Award Winner, Colleen Atwood), solid cast (Kristen Stewart not withstanding) and a decent premise are all ultimately wasted thanks to listless direction and a weak script.  That the Evil Queen is so because she herself was a victim of the way men treated her for her beauty is a great jumping off point, but they ultimately do nothing with it.  If you’re gonna tell a feminist Snow White story, then fucking tell a feminist Snow White story!  That there’s a scene with an entire village of women who have scarred themselves and their daughters because The Evil Queen literally sucks it out of beautiful women suggests that’s exactly what they were going to do.  Instead they wussed out because they were clearly afraid of scaring off the frank & beans in the audience.  Then there’s the abandonment of logic.  Don’t have Charlize Theron keep Kristen Stewart alive “just because.” That doesn’t make a lick of fucking sense to a kingdom you’ve taken by force. So long as a legitimate heir lives she’s a threat.  It would make more sense if The Evil Queen had kept her alive because she either needed her to convince the people she had a legitimate claim or better yet saw a kindred spirit in her and wanted to make Snow White like herself and tried to fill her with a hatred and mistrust of men.  And she would do this against the advice of the Mirror who has foretold her fate should Snow White live.  This way you have an actual multi-faceted villain instead of a flat 2D one.  Also, maybe some of her lessons actually affected Snow White so she doesn’t fully trust The Huntsman giving them a genuinely antagonistic relationship instead of the faux one they have here.  When he tells her she’s given him nothing but trouble it makes no sense as she does pretty much everything he says.  They also fail in the basic story of Snow White, in that she lives with the Dwarves for an extended period of time.  Here, the dwarves (played by a who’s who of crusty old English character actors) are warriors so it would make sense that after a few years with them and The Hunstman she’d learned to a) trust men and b) become an actual leader and warrior which she isn’t but we’re supposed to believe she has become both after just a few days, delivering perhaps the worst inspirational speech in the history of film.  I know this was rushed to compete with the other Snow White film, Mirror Mirror, but that’s still no excuse not to have seen the glaring flaws therein.

RULE#1: BLONDES RULE. RULE #2: BOOBS RULE MORE THAN BLONDES

Men In Black 3 is down to number two and this is missing the one thing from the first that managed to actually be funny in the second movie: David Cross (the pug was only funny in the first movie).  He was the morgue clerk in the first film and the video clerk in the second.  Apparently both he and Rip Torn were given the brush off for this.  Yes, Zed is also not a part of this, his character being killed off and replaced by Emma Thompson, as “OO” who is played by Alice Eve in the 1967 sequences.  If I were Emma Thompson I’d be offended if I’m supposed to be considered the same age as fucking Tommy Lee Jones, who looks a thousand here.  Granted, there’s a joke about how the job has aged his character prematurely, but she’s supposed to be in her 60’s!  Alice Eve doesn’t care because after premature announcements as the “New Hot Young Thing” this is her first hit after a number of disappointments, including She’s Out of My League, Sex & The City 2 (she was the braless nanny) and most recently The Raven.  She’s even going to be in the Star Trek sequel (thank god there’s no Moneypenny in the new Bond films or she’d probably be playing her too), so she’s clearly got the hardest working agent in show business..…or maybe if you’re blonde, pretty with a big, real rack you get more chances than others.  Nah, that couldn’t be it.

HE’S IN A LOT OF MUTHAFUCKIN’ MOVIES

The Avengers is down to number three and this isn’t the first time the cast has met one another.  Jeremy Renner was in S.W.A.T with Samuel L. Jackson and Chris Evans was in The Nanny Diaries with Scarlett Johansson.  What does this mean?  It means the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon gets easier every day and honestly should be changed to The Six Degrees of Samuel L. Jackson and possibly reduced to Three or Four Degrees.

PROVING MY POINT

Battleship is down to number four and also in this is Tadanobu Asano, who was Hogun in Thor with Chris Hemsworth who is in The Avengers with Samuel L. Jackson?  See what I’m saying?  And Asano really doesn’t care one way or another how much this tanks in America because in Japan he’s like Johnny Depp.  Not to mention overseas this dungheap of a film is actually doing well, so it’s not hurting him in that respect either.

BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE!

The Dictator is down to number five, followed by The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel at number six and What To Expect When You’re Expecting at number seven and they seriously hedged their bets with this by not only stocking it with A, B and C list female stars, but every hot dude with a day off.  We have everything from the mature in Dennis Quaid to the teen thrill in Chace Crawford.  In between are Matthew Morrison from Glee, Rodrigo Santoro (who will forever be the hot guy Laura Linney didn’t get to bone in Love Always) and Joe Manganiello from True Blood.  Chris Rock is here too, but he’s one of “the dads” who’s here for comic relief because Chris Rock remains the only person who wants to see Chris Rock hook up onscreen.

WHAT OTHER EARLY 70’S CHARACTERS CAN WE RUIN?

Dark Shadows is down to number eight and once again overseas box office is making sure shit floats.  This is has made $120M internationally bringing the total to $191, making it very close to being profitable even before the home markets which is amazing, sad and ultimately horrible because it means Tim Burton and Johnny Depp will continue their love affair with make-up and eccentric characters over actual storytelling.

SPOILER ALERT!

There may be some of you strange enough to want to see the #9 movie, Chernobyl Diaries, so if that’s the case skip this paragraph….  Still here?  Okay.  Now, I read the Moviespoiler.com summary of this movie and really, who the fuck are you people who like it when the monsters kill everyone?  The only thing I want to see less than a horror movie is one where everybody dies and everybody dies in this at the hands of the flesh-eating mutants.  Who really likes that kind of darkness in their movie-going?  I need monsters to die at the end, period.  I can get bleak shit here in my real life.  I don’t need mutated Russian cannibals killing everyone onscreen when I’ve got the Russian Mob on Brighton Beach doing whatever the fuck it wants.  Now that’s scary.

VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

For Greater Glory opens at number ten and you’ll never hear about this movie again so pay attention.  This is about the Cristeros War in Mexico where the government was atheistic and actually came down on the Catholics which makes me wonder why it wasn’t called the War of Consummate Irony given how they’d done it to pretty much everyone else on the planet.  But seriously, fighting religion in a Catholic country makes about as much sense as fighting rain in a rainstorm and that it lasted even a day much less years is amazing.  Equally amazing is that this movie is even in the top ten because the last time anyone paid to see Andy Garcia, he was helping to destroy The Godfather. Since then he makes a buck getting punked by George Clooney. I can’t feel bad for him because he’s out of his mind and my tolerance for crazy people ended long ago.  Now, to see him here and actually a guest star on George Lopez’s sitcom makes me smile.  Also in this are Eva Longoria, Nestor Carbonell, Ruben Blades and every other Latin actor with a day off.  Tomorrow they’ll be back as “Latina Hottie” “White Guy’s Partner” and “Drug Kingpin.”

YOU WEAR IT WELL

So my fashion documentary viewing (Bill Cunningham’s New York, The September Issue) continues with Valentino: The Last Emperor, chronicling the 45th Anniversary and what ultimately turned out to be the last show of the famous designer.  But it’s as much about his partner, Giancarlo Giammetti who has handled the business end of the empire as well as seeing to the needs of its creative namesake.  I never knew Italians actually said “Mama mia” until hearing him sigh it for the umpteenth time after trying to reassure or placate Valentino.  Ultimately what ends Valentino’s career isn’t merely time but the changing times.  A subplot is the corporation that bought Valentino trying to inflict their will upon him, making it clearly they consider Valentino replicable at Valentino.  Giammetti explains the business was built of making and selling dresses, but no longer.  Now it’s the licensing of the name on other products that makes the money.  It’s the cache of the name from making the glamorous dresses that sells not the clothing itself and you get the definite feeling the corporate overlords were looking to have him making low-end dresses for Target, which is unthinkable for a man whose work was hand-fucking-made up until the end.  Giammetti flat out says about the president of the corporation that owns Valentino, “I like him, I consider him a friend, but what he thinks means nothing.” In the end that company sells Valentino to yet another, bigger corporation and rather than continue fighting these assholes, Valentino and Gianetti wisely decide to call it a day.  Honestly, there’s an air of sadness and finality about all the fashion movies as if an era has ended or is ending.  Fashion simply makes too much money to be left in the hands of women or those who love it for the sake of fashion.  The moneymen come in, promise support with no interference and are lying through their teeth.  Designers who know nothing about business are happy to turn it over to someone who does and then are shocked when they’re ousted because they won’t put their name on socks they didn’t make for some extra loot.  When you don’t create anything you don’t understand those who do and think they’re crazy for caring about it.  Whoa. Where’d that rant come from?  Anyway, Anna Wintour is also in this and given I’ve got two more to go, I’m hoping she’ll go 5-for-5.