Tag Archives: Heaven Is Real

ACTION IS HIS REWARD!

5 May

spideys
1. The Amazing Spider-Man 2/Sony                      Wknd/$ 92.0   Total/$ 92.0
2. The Other Woman/Fox                                        Wknd/$ 14.2    Total/$ 47.3
4. Captain America: The Winter Soldier               Wknd/$ 7.8      Total/$ 237.1
3. Heaven is for Real/TriStar                                   Wknd/$ 8.7      Total/$ 65.6
5. Rio 2/Fox                                                                 Wknd/$ 7.6      Total/$ 106.5
6. Brick Mansions/Relativity                                   Wknd/$ 3.5      Total/$ 15.5
7. Divergent/LGF                                                        Wknd/$ 2.1      Total/$ 142.7
8. The Quiet Ones/LGF                                             Wknd/$ 2.0      Total/$ 6.7
9. God’s Not Dead/Free                                            Wknd/$ 1.8       Total/$ 55.6
10 Grand Budapest Hotel/FoxSearch                    Wknd/$ 1.7       Total/$ 51.5

UNLIKE NEW COKE THIS ACTUALLY WORKED
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 opens at number one and before we begin I’m going to drop some geek knowledge on you. The Amazing Spider-Man is the name of the comic book that started in 1962 (there’s a joke in the movie referring to 1961 for this reason, but obviously incorrect). Ultimate Spider-Man is the name of a new “updated” Spider-Man that started in 2000. And by “updated” I mean Uncle Ben had ponytail and 15-year-old Peter Parker’s job at the Daily Bugle is working on their website, not taking photos. It’s set in a different universe than the regular book where Peter Parker grew up and married Mary Jane (but then their marriage was dissolved when the Editor In Chief had the Devil destroy it; no, I’m not kidding), which still exists. The first Spider-Man trilogy was based more on the original Spider-Man from 1962, while this reboot was based more on the 2000 Ultimate Spider-Man. This doesn’t matter to you people, but to those of us who know it’s a little odd seeing traditional elements like the relationship with Gwen Stacy with the modern elements of Peter Parker’s dad being a scientist that worked with Norman Osborn (in the regular comic Spider-Man’s parents worked for SHIELD). In fact as the film opens we see him and his wife dying in a plane crash engineered by Norman Osborn (it was a plane crash for the SHIELD Agents too, but nothing more). It’s part of plot that makes Spider-Man closer to both Batman (avenging lost parents) and Superman (superpowered legacy of a scientist), but honestly he didn’t need it and it’s not why I enjoyed this film. No, I enjoyed it because this “got” Spider-Man better than any of the previous films did, due in no small part to Andrew Garfield’s performance. When in costume, Peter Parker is a straight up wise-ass that’s pure NYC (Queens, to be exact). That’s something Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi never fully accomplished, while I think they got Peter Parker right. Also, advance word of disappointment seriously lowered my expectations which helps almost every film, because when I hear it’s bad I fully expect to see the boom mike swing down and people staring at the camera. That’s obviously not the case here and while they do spend a little too much time trying to set up a franchise rather than make a single effective film, it still manages to shine through.

YOU’VE GOT ENOUGH GIFTS THERE ALREADY, SWEETIE.
The Other Woman is down to number two and I was going to let it go because she’s a kid and I think she’s sweet (you know you’re getting old when rather than ogle the hot swimsuit model you just look at her ago “Awww, she’s precious.”), but since Kate Upton has brought up her butt and how people should pay more attention to it, let’s get real: she ain’t got one, which is why that clip of Cameron Diaz freaking out over its perfection is ridiculous. Then again Cameron Diaz ain’t got no booty either so maybe it was big to her. But in the sad tradition of models since the late 60’s, below the waist, Kate Upton is built like a 12-year-old boy, possessing neither waist nor booty, showing you just how much illusion goes into swimsuit photography.

LIKE THE SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK SONG
Heaven Is For Real is hanging around at number three and I’d mention that “3” is traditionally number of luck, but that’s a pagan belief and I know the audience for this would hate that.

NOTHING ENDURES MORE THAN THE LUST OF A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY
Captain America: The Winter Soldier is down to number four and also in this is Jenny Agutter who is part of the UN Council that runs SHIELD (so why people keep insisting it’s American is beyond me), but best known for taking a generation of boys into adulthood in the early 70’s thanks to a willingness to disrobe. Geeks like me know her best from Logan’s Run in 70’s fashions that basically left her nude. Sigh. The 70’s….

WU TANG FOREVER
Rio 2 is down to number five followed by Brick Mansions at number six and I will never stop being amused at The RZA in movies, well after the Wu Tang Clan’s peak, which is when most rappers go Hollywood. It’s like he’s old enough not to give a crap any longer and does what he likes. If the name of the group wasn’t a clue, The RZA is down seriously with martial arts which is why it comes a no surprise he’s in this particular film. Now being on Californication? That I can’t explain. Or forgive.

SON OF A MAN CALLED HORSE
Divergent actually rises to number seven followed by The Quiet Ones down to number eight and in this as the scientist getting in over his head by toying with the supernatural is Jared Harris who looks just like his dad, the late great Richard Harris, but only the older Richard Harris. Unfortunately, he got none of dad’s young, blonde glory.

LAZARUS…BECAUSE I’M TOO SCARED TO SAY THE OTHER GUY
God’s Not Dead rises back into the top then, thanks it seems to that heaven movie. I guess you could say it was “resurrected.” Please don’t kill me, Christian crazies.

HAUNTING ME
Also returning in The Grand Budapest Hotel and if this continues I’ll have no choice but to see it.

VISIT:

The Original Angrygeek.com

Former Boy Wonder Photo

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BITCHES BE CRAZY THE MOVIE

27 Apr

jp
1. The Other Woman/Fox                                  Wknd/$ 25.7      Total/$ 24.7
2. Captain America: The Winter Soldier        Wknd/$ 16.1       Total/$ 224.9
3. Heaven is for Real/TriStar                            Wknd/$ 13.7      Total/$ 51.9
4. Rio 2/Fox                                                          Wknd/$ 13.7      Total/$ 96.2
5. Brick Mansions/Relativity                            Wknd/$ 9.6        Total/$ 9.6
6. Transendence/Warners                                 Wknd/$ 4.1        Total/$ 18.5
7. The Quiet Ones/LGF                                      Wknd/$ 4.0        Total/$ 4.0
8. Bears/Disney                                                   Wknd/$ 3.6        Total/$ 11.2
9. Divergent/LGF                                                Wknd/$ 3.6        Total/$ 139.5
10. A Haunted House 2/ORF                            Wknd/$ 3.3        Total/$ 9.1

AMIRITE FELLAS? THE MOVIE
The Other Woman opens at number one and this is some sadness right here. A movie about three attractive women whose only focal point in life is getting back at some dude? Really? Even The First Wives Club was at least partially about trying to move on, with living well being the best revenge, not you, know actual freaking revenge. And these were actual wives with a lifetime of a investment including kids, whereas two of these three are just girlfriends, who had to be dumb as rocks for him to as unavailable as he was not to have noticed something was amiss. I swear this movie was made by a bunch of dudes who’d never met a woman in their lives and wanted an excuse to meet Cameron Diaz and Kate Upton. Sorry, Leslie Mann, but that’s just how it is. Your first clue was being offered the wife role and not either of the girlfriends. And honestly this is a Cameron Diaz joint. It’s another feather in her cap to have success with an utterly crappy movie wherein she is clearly the biggest star.

FATHER TIME, UNDEFEATED
Captain America: The Winter Soldier is down to number two and can we talk about how much it hurts to see Robert Redford so visibly old onscreen? Well, it does. Kinda makes you glad Sean Connery retired before he got to the point where he looked frail so you can still remember him as somewhat vibrant. And it’s not like Redford has action scenes. He’s just stands there and talks and still he looks a tad thin. Heavy sigh. And yes, there’s a scene where you see a bottle of Paul Newman’s Salad Dressing behind him, so they’re reunited one more time.

TURN THE OTHER CHEEK MY ASS
Heaven is For Real is down to number three, but is still making waves as success due to a $51M return on a $12M budget. I’d make joke about that’s typical for films about the supernatural, but I don’t want those Christians coming after me. They’re scary and ironically unforgiving.

IT ALL COMES BACK TO MY COMIC BOOK COLLECTION
Rio 2 is down to number four and returning as the voices to keep their names in the game without having to expend too much effort are Anne Hathaway and Jessie Eisenberg. It’s a win-win situation. They get a hit without necessarily being openly tied to it if it fails. But you know it’s killing Anne Hathaway that she’s in this and not Frozen. Killing. Her. And because I’m a geek I have to point out that she played Catwoman and he’ll be playing Lex Luthor.

SOME THINGS JUST DON’T TRANSLATE
Brick Mansions opens at number five and this is a remake of a French film called District B13, from the same producers who realized that Americans won’t even watch an action movie in another language. Even grunts have to be in English. It’s the final completed film from Paul Walker as he died before Fast & The Furious 7 could be finished. That kinda puts a damper on it for me (whereas the darker theme of The Crow was only unaffected by Brandon Lee’s death but maybe even enhanced by it), not that I’d have seen it anyway mainly because I find parkour—the French activity (it’s not a sport) of acrobatically jumping on, off and around buildings—pretty stupid and that’s actually the selling point of the original. All I can think about is the massive amount of undue stress they’re putting on their joints with all that jumping on concrete. Concrete is so unyielding it’s actually better for you to run on the street, because asphalt has more give.

IT’S NOT OFFICIAL UNTIL CHRISTOPHER LEE SHOWS UP
Transcendence is down to number six followed by The Quiet Ones opening at number seven and this is disappointing in more ways than one because this is the first film from the newly revived Hammer Films, who brought back as type of classic horror in the early 60’s (after a decade of science fiction monsters in the 50’s) by adding blood and cleavage. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you why the same people who went to see Oculus or Paranormal Activity gave this a pass. It falls squarely under my “I don’t do the scary rule” but how those people that do pick and choose is totally beyond me. I’m sure the makers of this are scratching their heads as well.

BUY AN SUV AND SAVE THE BEARS!
Bears is up to number eight and I just find all nature documentaries depressing now knowing we’re basically killing the planet. Then I remember we aren’t really killing the planet so much as killing our ability to live on it and once we’re dead all the animals that survive us will live happily ever after. So ironically, if you love animals you shouldn’t do anything to you’re supposed to do to protect them because that stuff is killing us too!

WHO MISSES THE 00’S ALREADY? PART 1.
Divergent is down to number nine with A Haunted House closing out the top ten at number ten having made more than 3x its budget, so there’ll probably be a third one. Also in this is Jamie Pressly, best known to most of you as Joy, the mean ex-wife on My Name Is Earl, but my first awareness of her came from the sequel to Poison Ivy that nobody wanted. She spent most of her life training as a gymnast and nowhere is it I more evident than in one of my favorite guilty pleasures: DOA: Dead or Alive. Or as I call it “Camel Toe Kung Fu.”

VISIT:

The Original: Angrygeek.com

The Pictures: FormerBoyWonderPhoto.com