Tag Archives: Fast & Furious

ONE, TWO, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, THREE, SEVEN

20 Apr

kenneth-branagh-image
1. Furious 7/Universal                          Wknd/$ 29.1    Total/$ 294.4
2. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2                      Wknd/$ 24.0   Total/$ 24.00
3. Unfriended/Universal                      Wknd/$ 16.0    Total/$ 16.0
4. Home/Fox                                           Wknd/$ 10.3    Total/$ 142.6
5. The Longest Ride/Fox                      Wknd/$ 6.9      Total/$ 23.5
6. Get Hard/WB                                     Wknd/$ 4.8      Total/$ 78.3
7. Monkey Kingdom/Disney                Wknd/$ 4.7      Total/$ 4.7
9. The Divergent Series: Insurgent     Wknd/$ 4.2      Total/$ 120.6
8. Woman in Gold/Weinstein              Wknd/$ 4.6      Total/$ 15.9
10. Cinderella/Disney                            Wknd/$ 3.9      Total/$ 186.3

IT TEACHES THE KIDS MATH…KINDA. WELL, NOT REALLY.
Furious 7 holds at number one and why this is called Furious 7 while the previous entry was Fast & Furious 6, but the one before that was Fast Five while the one before that was Fast & Furious, which is not to be confused with the very first one, which was THE Fast and THE Furious? I have no freaking idea. The only other title to have “The” in it was the much maligned third entry: The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift and yes, they do make a return here for a brief scene in Tokyo because the films 4, 5, and 6 all take place before the events in number 3. So the order is The Fast and The Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Fast and Furious, Fast Five, Fast & Furious 6, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and now Furious 7. Got it? Good. Needless to say the nine years between entries were not kind to, Lucas Black, the male lead of Tokyo Drift, while the other two leads, Lil’ Bow Wow (understandably going by his real name of Shad Moss these days) and that ethnically dubious girl who’s now more famous for being in a Bruno Mars video, were relatively unchanged. So it’s not only black that doesn’t crack but also brown (she’s Peruvian-Argentine).

FOR EVIL TO SUCCEED ALL THAT IS NEEDED IS FOR GOOD PEOPLE TO SEE BAD MOVIES
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 opens at number two and stop trying to tell me that God exists. What kind of god would let this happen. Twice. On the other hand, if the greatest trick The Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist, then he’s giving himself away by greenlighting films in Hollywood.

A MOVIE NO ONE OVER 60 WILL UNDERSTAND
Unfriended opens at number three and just as a broken clock is right twice a day, apparently a low-budget stepchild of found footage films (everything is seen from the screen of one computer) is both successful and critically praised. The fact that it may be scary is just more reason for me never to see it.

ANOTHER PRETTY BLONDE SUCCEEDS IN LA. NEWS AT ELEVEN.
Home is down to number four, followed by The Longest Ride at number five and this is a another rung up the ladder for Britt Robertson, who I know because I watched both Life Unexpected and The Secret Circle (where she wore her skirts so short they had to be digitally lengthened in post). Shut up! Shame is for lesser people! She and her team have been making good, solid choices. She was the lead on that show though it was cancelled, got steady exposure on Under The Dome, was in Jennifer Anniston’s Oscar-bait movie, Cake, wisely chose this piece of popular crap and it will culminate in Tomorrowland this summer, directed by Brad Bird and starring George Clooney. Remember the last young woman to co-star with Clooney? Shailene Woodley. Good, because I swear this girl’s been chomping at the bit for superstardom for as long as I’ve seen her. We were moments away from a sexually explicit film from her to get noticed. Whoops. She did that last year.

SO FATIGUED IT’S NOT FUNNY
Get Hard is down to number six and given it hasn’t even doubled its budget in the month it’s been out (compare to Furious 7 which hit a billion dollars last week) people may have had enough of both Kevin Hart and Will Ferrell’s manchild routine. I know I have and I’ve only seen one or two of them.

MONKEY FUNNY. ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
Monkey Kingdom opens at number seven and I swear I will watch the shit about of some monkeys in the jungle on The Discovery Channel, but don’t think I’m gonna get up and go pay for it. But great for all of you who did!

I’M TELLING MYSELF HE DOES THIS TO PAY FOR THEATER WORK
Woman in gold is down to number eight, followed by The Divergent Series: Insurgent at number nine with Cinderella closing out the top ten at number ten and while that seems as disappointing as Get Hard given it failed to double its budget domestically, globally it quadrupled it and while Disney isn’t getting all of that, it’s damn sure getting enough. Not to mention what this is going to pull on home video. Oh, and did we ever mention this was directed by Kenneth Branagh? He’s sadly become a director of very mediocre big budget studio films recently. There was nothing exceptional about this. The best thing about Thor was one man’s performance and there was no best thing about Jack Ryan. This is sad because Dead Again was huge dose of campy fun. Given the difference trajectory of their careers, I’m starting to wonder how much of that had to do with Emma Thompson. Especially now that I remember the awfulness that was his version of Frankenstein, which also had Helena Bonham Carter in it. Seems it’s easier to work with ex-girlfriends than ex-wives.

VISIT:

ORIGINAL ANGRYGEEK.COM

FORMER BOY WONDER PHOTOGRAPHY

Advertisements

EVERYBODY LOVES A CHICK FIGHT. EVERY. BODY.

13 Apr

chickfight
1. Furious 7/Universal Wknd/$ 60.6 Total/$ 252.5
2. Home/Fox Wknd/$ 19.0 Total/$ 129.6
3. The Longest Ride/Fox Wknd/$ 13.5 Total/$ 13.5
4. Get Hard/WB Wknd/$ 8.6 Total/$ 71.2
5. Cinderella/Disney Wknd/$ 7.2 Total/$ 180.8
6. The Divergent Series: Insurgent Wknd/$ 6.9 Total/$ 114.8
7. Woman in Gold/Weinstein Wknd/$ 5.9 Total/$ 9.3
8. It Follows/RTWC Wknd/$ 2.0 Total/$ 11.8
9. Danny Collins/BST Wknd/$ 1.6 Total/$ 2.5
10. While We’re Young/A24 Wknd/$ 1.4 Total/$ 1.4

CHICK FIGHT!
Furious 7 holds at number 1 and in addition to Tony Jaa the other martial artist in this is MMA Champion, Ronda Rousey. Like Jaa she has to pretend that her opponent wouldn’t be toast in 30 seconds. Just as Paul Walker’s character suddenly became a master of hand-to-hand combat, Michelle Rodriguez’s character also developed martial skills. Not only does she take on Rousey, but a team of female Arab bodyguards before that. And in the previous installment she took on Gina Carano. But like Carano and Tony Jaa and Bruce Lee before her Rousey clearly made it part of her deal that she wasn’t going to lose in a straight-on fight to some actor. Yes, Jaa loses, but not because Walker punches him out or anything. Similarly, Rousey’s fight with Rodriguez ends in a draw, which is good, because if my eyes had rolled back any further in my head I’d have seen my own brainstem. But don’t get me wrong. I am perverse enough to enjoy a good chick fight and I’m not alone considering this was twice as long as the Carano fight. Though the fact they were in evening gowns is clearly someone else’s fetish. Seriously, you just know that’s his kink because he views it as some kind of clever irony. It’s not.

HE HAS HIS OWN SUPER POWER: PANTY DROPPING
Home holds at number two, followed by The Longest Ride opening at number one and the most notable thing about this is that the male lead is Scott Eastwood. Yes, it’s his son, if you couldn’t tell simply by looking at him. Now I will give him credit for at least attempting a career without using his famous name (he used his mother’s surname), but he quickly realized that it’s stupid not to use every advantage you have. Especially when you actually like your dad unlike say, Angelina Jolie Voight. But let’s face it, if a name really did anything for you, Tyrone Power Jr. would have been a giant star, as would Jennifer Grant (yes, Cary Grant’s daughter). And do we have to once again bring up the sad story of the other son of Kirk Douglas who was an actor? Not everyone can be Jeff and Beau Bridges either. Needless to say the simple fact it’s based on a Nicholas Sparks novel guarantees this a place on the crap list, but I’ll never know because I will never, ever see it. In fact, I’m still angry I was tricked into seeing The Notebook (and by “tricked” I mean a really pretty girl I knew named Jennifer wanted to see it). But being in one has never hurt a career if you’re young (Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, Channing Tatum, Miley Cyrus, Amand Seyfried), so it’s a smart move on his part. Another smart move is getting into a comic book movie. Learning that he’s going to play Steve Trevor actually made me interested in a Wonder Woman movie for the first time.

IT’S AN ABOMINATION
Get Hard is down to number four, followed by Cinderella at number five and yes, they are making live action versions of everything now, including Winnie The Pooh and Dumbo. Now, Pinocchio I get, because that has been made into live action features before, but Winnie The Pooh and Dumbo? Why!?! Simply because CGI means you can doesn’t mean you should. May god have mercy on their money grubbing souls…which they clearly gave up long ago.

NOW BEST KNOWN AS A NAME IN AN EMINEM SONG…
The Divergent Series: Insurgent is down to number six and let’s rundown the adult cast in this thing: Oscar winner Kate Winslet, Oscar winner Octavia Spencer, two time Oscar nominee Naomi Watts, Ashley Judd, Ray Stevenson, Maggie Q, Tony Goldwyn, Daniel Dae Kim and Mekhi Phifer. Remember when he played the male lead to Beyonce in MTV’s version of Carmen? Me neither. Though judging by his size on House of Lies last season, brutha hasn’t missed many meals.

IT’S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
The Woman in Gold holds at number seven and also in this is…Katie Holmes? Well, it makes sense given this is little more than a TV movie that escaped into theaters, though the smart move would have been to be an adult in one of the YA novel film adaptations. I also recommend taking that “hot mom” role on a TV show. After all, it’s where you began. Dawson and Pacey have already accepted their small screen fates. Time to join them, Joey.

HOLDING MY WUSSY GROUND
It Follows is down to number eight and yes, I still refuse to see this.

IMAGINE IF THE LETTER HAD BEEN “YOU SUCK. QUIT NOW.”
Entering the top ten at number nine is Danny Collins, which is based on the true story of a folk singer to whom John Lennon once wrote a letter of encouragement, but since no one really gives a crap about a folk singer, the movie makes it a rock singer and if you’re having trouble seeing Al Pacino as an aging rock singer, come sit right next to me. Yes, he was the same age as John Lennon, but still it doesn’t seem to fit. That said, the movie follows this fictional character who like the real life folk singer never received the letter until 40 years later and it makes him reevaluate his life. Honestly, though I still don’t give a crap about folk singing, I’m more interested in how the real life guy handled it, not this clichéd story of about a man trying to re-connect with the son he’s basically ignored for almost 40 years. Not helping is that his growth is also indicated by him dumping his 20-something girlfriend and becoming more interested in the older manager of the hotel where he’s staying, played by Annette Benning. Pacino is 74. Benning is 56. That’s not age appropriate. Not even close. God forbid you give an actress his age a job. Last I heard Julie Christie is still working. How about giving her some fucking work?

OLD PEOPLE NEED MORE SLEEP
Speaking of age appropriate casting, Ben Stiller is forced to submit to it in While We’re Young, entering the top ten at number ten, since age is kinda the focus of the movie. It’s about two 40-somethings played by Stiller and Naomi Watts (two movies in the top ten this week) who reevaluate their lives after striking up a friendship with two 20-somethings, played by Amana Seyfried and the actor, Adam Driver, who plays Hanna’s creepy boyfriend, Adam, on Girls. This is from writer/director, Noah Baumbach (whom I’ve loved since Kicking & Screaming) who’s banging a 20-something in real life while getting divorced from Jennifer Jason Leigh so like most of his work it’s drawn from his real life. I’m not going to say what’s keeping me from seeing this is because it strikes a little too close to home (not the banging a 20-something part), because it’s not. I’m just lazy. That’s the real reason.

VISIT:

ORIGINAL ANGRYGEEK.COM

FORMERBOY WONDER PHOTOGRAPHY

NEED FOR FURIOUS

16 Mar

aaronpaulwalker

 1. Mr. Peabody & Sherman/Fox                 Wknd/$  21.2            Total/$  63.2

 2. 300: Rise of an Empire/Warner            Wknd/$  19.1            Total/$  78.3

 3. Need for Speed/Touchstone                   Wknd/$  17.8            Total/$  17.8

 4. Non-Stop/Universal                                 Wknd/$  10.6            Total/$  68.8

 5. Single Mom’s Club/LGF                          Wknd/$    8.3            Total/$    8.3

 6. The LEGO Movie/WB                              Wknd/$    7.7            Total/$ 236.9

 7. Son of God/Fox                                          Wknd/$    5.4            Total/$   50.9

 8. The Grand Budapest Hotel/Fox            Wknd/$    3.6            Total/$     3.6

 9. Frozen/Disney                                           Wknd/$    2.1            Total/$ 396.4

10. Veronica Mars/Warner                           Wknd/$    2.0            Total/$     2.0

 

MAYBE IT’S IRONIC VIEWING GIVEN THE CURRENT STATE OF GREECE?

Mr. Peabody & Sherman rises to number one because apparently the movies are still cheaper than babysitters, while 300: Rise of an Empire drops to number two because, well it blows. But you might want to prepare yourself for a third installment because this has done gangbusters overseas. Apparently half-naked men fighting for the glory of Greece has an international audience (I doubt Greece itself has enough money to have bought all those tickets). I expect it’ll be about that final battle on Platea that was beginning at the end of 300, which in fact was the final defeat of the Persian Empire in Greece.  This will allow for Sullivan Stapleton to actually return as the lead for the sequel…not that anyone would care or notice, he’s so boring (he’s more interesting as an American on Strike Force).  Apparently Scottish Greeks are much more charismatic than Australian Greeks.  You know, the more of them that we see the more apparent is it becomes that personality isn’t a given amongst actors from “down under.”  Mel Gibson, Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe are clearly the exceptions while blander than bland actors like Stapelton, Sam Worthington, Alex O’Laughlin, Matt Passmore and Ryan Kwanten and Jai Courtney are the rule.

 

I FEEL THE NEED, THE NEED FOR A BETTER SCRIPT

Need For Speed opens at number three and the most remarkable thing about this movie is how long it too to get made in that it’s a very popular video game franchise and it’s clearly trying to cash in the Fast & The Furious Franchise with its eclectic group of multi-cultural street racers. Someone trying to make a buck on either is long overdue, much less someone trying to do both at the same time.    Now would think with all the time it had to try to this it’d be better. You’d be wrong.  The great thing about the Need For Speed games is that it decided anyone who’d attempt a street race would be set upon by cops, so you’re not just racing your opponent , but also trying to outrun the law, which is awesome fun.  This should be easiest thing to depict on film given the chase scene is a Hollywood staple, right? Wrong. And it doesn’t help that one of the first scenes in the film is set at a drive-in where they’re watching the first great car chase scene in Bullitt. Way to set the bar, morons.  Enjoy it because you won’t see another car chase for awhile and none in the Need For Speed mode until the very end and when you do the fun of out running cops in an exotic sports car is lost in the collateral damage caused. In a video game you’re not hurting anyone. You simply outrun the police. Onscreen we’re watching cops in wrecks so violent there was undoubtedly a loss of life. How am I supposed to root for the guy in a race that probably killed a cop because that cop was trying to avoid hitting that busload of children?  That the film is too long which gives you time to think on these things doesn’t help.  Rather than simply jump in to the main story which is Aaron Paul’s racing to get revenge and justice on Dominic Cooper for wrecking and killing Paul’s friend (and the younger brother of Cooper’s girlfriend) in a race, we have to see that race…and the situation which led up to it…and a dull race before that…and this is still after an expository opening scene with Michael Keaton as someone kind of internet radio host. He could have easy have summed everything up for us allowing us to start with the better part of the film which is Paul getting out of jail then trying to get cross country in less than two days to be in a race to defeat Dominic Cooper. That the movie is all kinds of dumb goes without saying.  The “big secret race” is anything but and Michael Keaton (who is also its organizer) is broadcasting it online in detail for the world to see!  Pretty sure the first rule of Secret Race Club is not to tell the world about Secret Race Club. He’s also supposed to be a mystery, yet he shows his face in his broadcasts!  Now, I know it’s dark and cynical of me to say that the Fast & Furious franchise is ripe for a competitor with the loss of Paul Walker, but it’s true.  Fortunately for them this isn’t it.

 

I AM JACK’S ANGRY TASTE

Non Stop is down to number four, followed by Tyler Perry’s Single Mom’s Club opening at number five and I’d say that this opening low was a sign that maybe Tyler Perry’s annoying run was finally showing signs of fatigue, but it probably only cost about $2 to make, so it will probably be profitable in the long run.  In an odd way this may not even count as most of his films are aimed squarely at a Black audience (like a sniper’s rifle in my opinion, hating him the way I do) while this is clearly trying to bring a wider (aka “White”) audience.  The lesson that might be sadly taken away from this I don’t even want to think about, because it’s the excuse that Hollywood uses every day to justify a lack of diversity. Why am I even thinking this much about a freaking Tyler Perry movie!?! Next!

 

YET ANOTHER THING THAT IS AWESOME

The LEGO Movie is down to number six. Hold on. Let me think of how great, original and funny this was to wipe all thoughts of Tyler Perry from my mind. Ahhhhhhh. Now it’s been out for over a month and a half now so it’s hardly a spoiler to talk about how Star Wars pops up onscreen with Han, Lando and C3Po showing up in the Millennium Falcon. It’s a great scene and Billy Dee Williams and Anthony actually do the voices of Lando and C3PO. You know Harrison Ford was too much of a grumpy old man to do Han.

 

PTTD: POST TRAUMATIC TWEE DISORDER

Son of God is down to number seven, followed by The Grand Budapest Hotel entering the top ten at number eight and one of the great things about living in a city like New York is that I can literally see films that aren’t open anywhere else in the country.  And I used to do just that. I would have been on The Grand Budapest Hotel like a dog on a bone back in my indie film watching days.  Now I just tell myself I’ll eventually get to it…which I don’t. Then I tell myself I’ll just watch it on Netflix…but I don’t do that either. Sigh. What’s wrong with me? I find time for crap like 300: Rise of an Empire and Need For Speed, but not this. I blame my times as a indie film reviewer. It killed my ability to tolerate the self-indulgence that’s so much at part of indie filmmaking. Sometimes you wish some guy in a suit would walk in and tell them “No. This is just too pretentious. Stop it!”

 

IT’S LIKE BUYING BIRTH CONTROL

Frozen is down to number nine and should be gone as the DVD is coming out, much to the chagrin of parents everywhere who have to buy and now watch it every. single. day.

 

MORONS ARE LOOSE

Veronica Mars opens at number ten and the very existence of this movie makes me so angry can barely see. In case you didn’t know, this was crowd sourced. In other words FANS FUCKING PAID FOR IT THEMSELVES SO WARNER BROTHERS COULD MAKE IT THEN CHARGE THEM ADMISSION!  Aside from setting the horrific precedent of consumers paying multi-billion dollar corporations, it has to be biggest example of the truism “a fool and his money are soon parted” ever. Jack trading the cow for magic beans shows more common sense. What’s worse is you know these same idiots are going to buy it when it comes out on DVD so they’re paying 3 times!  Sigh. But you know what? I should be grateful because as  geek myself this crap makes me now look normal. Hell, it makes all fans look normal. You people getting married in Klingon and Elvish? You’re no longer the bottom of the fan barrel.  A new low has been achieved.

SHOULDN’T IT “AFTER ERF?”

2 Jun

mr

 1. Fast & Furious 6/Universal                   Wknd/$  34.5            Total/$170.4

 2. Now You See Me/LGF                            Wknd/$  28.1            Total/$  28.1

 3. After Earth/Sony                                     Wknd/$  27.0            Total/$  27.0

 4. Star Trek Into Darkness/Par                 Wknd/$  16.4            Total/$ 181.2

 5. Epic/Fox                                                    Wknd/$  16.4            Total/$  65.2

 6. The Hangover Pt. III/Warners             Wknd/$  15.9             Total/$  88.1

 7. Iron Man 3/Paramount                          Wknd/$   8.0             Total/$ 384.8

 8. The Great Gatsby/Warners                   Wknd/$   6.3              Total/$ 128.3

 9. Yei Jawaani Hai Deewani/Eros            Wknd/$   1.7               Total/$    1.7

10. Mud/                                                          Wknd/$   1.2              Total/$  16.9

 

THE YOUNG AND THE BRAKELESS

Fast & The Furious 6 holds onto the number one slot and as been mentioned, this film heralds the return of Michelle Rodriguez to the franchise, which is pretty impressive given she died in number four.  I won’t give away how she comes back, but if you’re a fan of soap operas it’s going to feel pretty familiar to you. They even throw in some amnesia into really make it really feel like it’s an episode of “The Cars of Our Lives” or “All My Cylinders.” I’ve always joked that in every single film she makes Michelle Rodriguez is either in a white or black tank top or both. This film is no exception. I’m not exaggerating to a bit to say THAT’S ALL SHE WEARS!  Not even a gray or off-white tank, much less an actual shirt. Black or white tanks…period.  Granted she looks good in them and if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, but while other actors are sometimes delighted to take home their wardrobes, she’s probably sighing and thinking, “Great. More Hanes. Not even Calvin Klein.”

 

YOU WON’T SEE ME THAT’S FOR SURE

Now You See Me opens at number two and I’ll admit to a bias here, which is why I didn’t see it: I don’t particularly care for heist or con flicks.  No even when they’re comedies which is why I didn’t care for Ocean’s 11 beyond the first half hour recruitments, much less its plodding sequels.  They aren’t so much suspenseful or clever to me so much as clichéd (no matter how high tech the building is, there’s always a rat that threatens to undo everything) and condescending, trying to make me feel dumb that I didn’t see THE BIG TWIST at the end that now seems so obvious when they point out all the clues in the inevitable “Clarissa Explains It All” scene that comes at the end of the movie. My reaction isn’t so much, “Oh, wow” as  “F__k you and your little dog too.”  You may say this is just my own paranoia and insecurity, but that just means you’re against me as well!

 

NOT EVEN MR. MAY 31ST NOW

Opening at a disappointing three is After Earth despite a double dose of Will Smith and by that I mean his son, Jaden, aka “Will Smith 2.0.”  I’ve nothing against him personally and actually found him quite appealing in The Karate Kid remake last year, but you’re not doing a kid any favors to put him on the big screen during his “awkward” phase when every day you don’t know what octave his speaking voice is going to be and we get quite a few in this film (Will Smith himself has said that his son gained twenty pounds and a few inches from start to finish).  But we probably wouldn’t be paying as much attention to these things if what was going on in the film were more compelling.  This is basically a “coming-of-age boy against the wilderness” film in a science fiction setting. It’d be the same thing if set in the present and their plane had just crashed in any of the world’s jungles.  In this case it’s the Earth of the far future, where a thousand years after mankind had abandoned it due to pollution, nature has reclaimed it with a vengeance with the absolutely silly caveat “All life here has evolved to kill humans.” Not only is that completely ridiculous and the opposite of how evolution works (the absence of humans would be a lessened defensiveness to us), it’s not even true in the context of the film.  The animals don’t do anything that any wild animal wouldn’t do to you now and in one glaring sequence one actually seeks to aid the boy.  Not helping is that they aren’t very interesting given this is science fiction. Slightly mutated baboons, tigers and condors. That’s it.  I mean, at least throw in a giant spider or something really scary.  Maybe some apes on horseback.  There is one real monster, however, and it comes from an otherwise useless backstory involving aliens that ultimately plays no real part in the film other than to provide Will Smith 2.0’s final rite of passage.  It could have just as easily could have been a tiger or bear given a) he’s never seen one before so it would be a monster as far as he was concerned, and b) in a thousand years despite spaceships and warp travel and fighting aliens people haven’t developed any better weapons than a big knives. No, I’m not kidding. No guns in the future laser or otherwise, only big knives.  Because this is a coming of age film, Will Smith’s job is literally to sit around and watch his son (his legs are broken in the crash) and the weakest moments of the film are his tough military dad dialogue which boarder on parody like The Great Santini In Space (for a second I thought he was going to start hitting the boy in the head with a basketball while taunting him).  Not helping are the odd accents everyone has that the Smiths do the poorest. But ultimately what’s the point in have two Will Smiths if neither one is going to be Will Smith?

 

SPOILERS COMING AT YOU AT WARP SPEED

Epic holds at number four while Star Trek Into Darkness is down to number five and is being seen by Paramount as a disappointment.  It has yet to make its budget domestic or overseas, which was their real target audience to the point they were downplaying the “Star” in Star Trek.  Gee, can’t imagine why a series about adventures in space is disappointing you when you downplay the adventures in space part and make half of it happen on earth! Not to mention going out of your way to hide the fact that this is basically a remake of “Space Seed” the episode that introduced Khan who would later display some wrath in the film that jumpstarted the Star Trek film series after the first one, while financially successful, wasn’t exactly embraced by people other than geeks.  Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.  They’re trying so hard to keep the old audience while gaining new one that they wind up pleasing no one at all.

 

EVEN THE CRIMINALS KNEW THIS WAS A MISTAKE

The Hangover is down to number six and much was made of the fact Mel Gibson was bounced from a cameo in the second due to his treatment of his then girlfriend, with most of the pressure coming from Zack Galifinakis who didn’t want to work with someone who treated women that way. This would be impressive if convicted Mike Tyson hadn’t been in the first two films.  Maybe it’s the reason he’s not in the third. Or maybe he looked at the script and realized it was a bad idea to abandon the basic premise of your film.

 

SOMETHING ONLY GEEKS DO

Iron Man 3 is down to number seven and now’s the time when we play the game of looking back at past roles played by the actors and apply their comic book roles…so Pepper Potts dated Daredevil in Bounce and Happy Hogan was his legal partner.  War Machine (Don Cheadle) and Batman (George Clooney) were part of Ocean’s 11 while Iron Man and Batman (Val Kilmer) were private detectives in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.  Iron Man and Spider-man (Tobey Maguire) were lovers in Wonder Boys, while Iron Man and Catwoman (Halle Berry) were exes in Gothika and Iron Man actually beat up Blade (Wesley Snipes) in US Marshals.

 

IF PEOPLE LIKE WATCHING YOU DIE THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING

Speaking of Tobey Maguire, The Great Gatsby is down to number eight and it hasn’t done too badly, having made $248M worldwide from a $105M budget.  It’s already broken even and is $50M away from firmly turning a profit, so the rule holds true: kill off Leonardo DiCaprio in the end and your film will make money.  Titanic, Romeo & Juliet, The Departed and now this.  Blood Diamond is the exception that proves the rule.  No, neither Django Unchained nor The Quick & The Dead counts because he wasn’t the star of those.

 

THERE’S A WHOLE WORLD YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT

Yei Jawaani Hai Deewani opens at number nine and if you’ve never heard of this (or can even pronounce it) don’t feel bad. Few people have.  It’s the Bollywood equivalent of those Christian-themed films that occasionally pop up in the top ten thanks to a devoted fan turnout. What makes this even more impressive is that it’s almost three hours long so couldn’t even run as many times a day as a normal feature.  Will this result in more Bollywood releases in the US? Of course not, silly rabbit.  This will be viewed as the aberration it is…no matter how many times it happens.

 

CANDY IS DANDY…

Finally, Mud closes out the top ten after a pretty good run and you can best believe the producers on Reese Witherspoon’s next film will be sure to get here ice and liquored up around release time, because there’s honestly no other reason why this happened.