Tag Archives: Draft Day

GIRL YOU’LL BE A WOMAN…ONE DAY

20 Apr

blackwidows 1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier        Wknd/$ 26.6     Total/$ 201.5
2. Rio 2/Fox                                                         Wknd/$ 22.5     Total/$ 75.4
3. Heaven is for Real/TriStar                           Wknd/$ 21. 5     Total/$ 28.5
4. Transendence/Warners                                Wknd/$ 11.2      Total/$ 11.2
5. A Haunted House 2/ORF                             Wknd/$ 9.1        Total/$ 9.1
6. Draft Day/LG                                                  Wknd/$ 5.9        Total/$ 19.5
7. Divergent/LGF                                                Wknd/$ 5.8       Total/$ 133.9
8. Oculus/Relativity                                           Wknd/$ 5.2        Total/$ 21.0
9. Noah/Paramount                                           Wknd/$ 5.0        Total/$ 93.3
10. God’s Not Dead/Free                                   Wknd/$ 4.8       Total/$ 48.3

THERE’S JUST NO PLEASING A GEEK
Captain America: The Winter Soldier holds onto the number one slot for the third week, which is great for me because I’m a Cap fan, but sad for me because I think this success should have been for a better Cap movie. I’m also not thrilled that this cements Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow. Yeah, I know this is the third time she’s played the role, but she’s still horribly miscast. The Black Widow is a woman, not a girl and even though she’s 30 now, ScarJo (as she hates to be called) still looks like a girl and I’m supposed to buy her as the best spy in the world (which is what she’s referred to in the comics). It’s still painful to think that Emily Blunt was in consideration for this role and we got stuck with someone who was cast for obvious reasons (blonde hair, boobs). It’s not to say she doesn’t make a decent sidekick. She is and gets some great lines, most of them at the expense of Captain America whom she gently teases throughout the film, but she’s just not The Black Widow as shown in Marvel Comics for the last 50 years. Now, if they made her the character in the comics who was the successor to The Black Widow, using her name and who was in fact a young blonde, the angrygeek in me would be fine with that. But they didn’t so I’m not. Grrrrrrr….

GET IT?
Rio 2 holds at number two and it’s still too little too late for me to see or care about it.

GUESS WHO MISSES THE FIRST DECADE OF THIS CENTURY?
It’s somehow fitting that Heaven is For Real is opening at number three in front of Transcendence at number four because “transcendence” is achieving at type of heaven, no? The former is just the latest in a stream of Christian movies that its target audience is only too happy to turn out and support, turning a profit almost immediately in defiance of all reviews. What’s surprising is that Greg Kinnear is in this one, as these movies are usually for no-name actors or those who need work and are in no position to be picky. While Kinnear is far from his glory days as an Oscar nominee (utterly undeserved for his stereotypical portrayal of a gay man) he still manages to be enough of a name to get cast as a male lead in A-list films and on television. How is a mystery, given he hasn’t be in a hit since Baby Mama which was a Tina Fey/Amy Poelher success. He was just the guy lucky enough to be in it. Yeah, he was in Anchorman 2, but no one saw it for him. Same for this film. It’s a success, but he has nothing to do with it. The failure of Rake is closer to reality. It’s also becoming a reality for Johnny Depp who hasn’t had a hit without special effects, Tim Burton or a pirate hat since Finding Neverland in ’04 and now even with special effects (The Lone Ranger and this) and Tim Burton (Dark Shadows) it’s slim pickings so look for him to put that pirate hat back on in the next 15-20 minutes. In fact, he’s the main reason I didn’t bother seeing this. I likes me some science fiction and have no problem the trope of the scientist who loses his humanity when he achieves some degree of omnipotence of omniscience, so I was ripe for this. Honestly, it’s the casting of Johnny Depp that put me off. I have such a dislike of him that even with commercials every day I still didn’t remember it opened this weekend. It seems many people felt the same. I, for one, have been insisting for years that the Emperor of Cool has no clothes but now that he’s openly the pathetic stereotype of a middle-aged man, hooked up with a 20-something former model now actress (who was gay before Depp, so make of that what you will), others are seeing it as well. Such a shame too, as there’s no shortage of good actors I do like in it from crusty old Morgan Freeman to relatively fresh and new Kate Mara and people like Paul Bettany, Cole Hauser (how is this man not as star) and Cillian Murphy in between.

SEIZING THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION
A Haunted House 2 opens at number five and this is the franchise that spun out of the Scary Movie franchise when the Wayans family realized that even though they launched it, they didn’t own it and decided to just make their own and keep all the money. And given the first Haunted House basically went head-to-head with Scary Movie 5 and made about the same but at literally 1/10 the cost, I’d say it was a wise decision. Releasing this in April rather than October? Now that decision I question. But it only cost $4M and already made $9M so clearly the Wayans family knows more than I do.

SUPERMAN FAMILY
Draft Day is down to number six and also in this is none other than Tom Welling, who played Clark Kent on the show Smallville, not to mention Frank Langella who played Perry White in Superman Returns. I like to think they both looked at Costner with pity for being in Man of Steel. And all three of them looked at Jennifer Garner with pity for being in Daredevil and Elektra.

YOU AIN’T JENNIFER LAWRENCE YET, GIRL
Divergent is down to number seven and even with a $200M+ worldwide box office, this isn’t a rock solid franchise success, given it had an $85M budget. Even by conservative estimates, it’s gonna have to hit at least $255M, which seems less and less likely as we approach the summer releases.

GOD COULD MAKE IT RAIN ON THE BOX OFFICE JUST A BIT MORE
Oculus is down to number eight and it’s already turned a profit so the producers could care less as they prep Oculus 2, while Noah—down to nine—faces the same issue as Divergent in that it cost so much, it’s$290M box office still isn’t enough to be profitable.

NO, BUT THIS FINALLY IS
Finally God’s Not Dead closes out this very Christian friendly top ten.

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SUPER MINORITY BEST FRIEND

13 Apr

falcon

1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier     Wknd/$ 41.4      Total/$ 159.0
2. Rio 2/Fox                                                      Wknd/$ 39.0     Total/$ 39.0
3. Oculus/Relativity                                        Wknd/$ 12.0      Total/$ 12.0
4. Draft Day/LG                                               Wknd/$ 9.8        Total/$ 9.8
5. Divergent/LGF                                             Wknd/$ 7.5        Total/$ 124.9
6. Noah/Paramount                                        Wknd/$ 7.5        Total/$ 84.9
7. God’s Not Dead/Free                                  Wknd/$ 5.5        Total/$ 40.7
8. The Grand Budapest Hotel/Fox               Wknd/$ 4.1        Total/$ 39.5
9. Muppets Most Wanted/Disney                Wknd/$ 2.2        Total/$ 45.7
10. Mr. Peabody & Sherman/Fox                 Wknd/$ 1.8        Total/$ 105.2

A FRANCHISE MAKES EVERYTHING OKAY
Hanging on to the number one slot is Captain America: The Winter Soldier and appearing in this one is Captain America’s modern day partner, The Falcon (as opposed to his WWII partner, Bucky), played by Anthony Mackie, who was briefly the “Hot New Thing: Minority Version” a few years back appearing alongside other Hot New Things (Shia LeBeouf, Ryan Gosling, Sam Worthington) in major studio releases, but none of them amounted to much and while his smaller, indie film work was well-received, his biggest success, The Hurt Locker, was the lowest grossing Best Picture winner Oscar history. Needless to say once it was clear he was not going to be the new Denzel or Will Smith, when Marvel came a-knocking he grabbed onto it with both hands, not hesitating to sign up for as many sequels as they wanted. This contrasts with Chris Evans who refused the Captain America role and its initial 12 movie requirement (he got them down to 9 and clearly he’s already tired of it at 3). Mackie on the other hand is trying to get into movies he’s not even supposed be in like the Avengers sequel. In the comics The Falcon is actually an unwilling Avenger, joining only as a favor to Cap because the government demands more minorities. His presence as Cap’s partner was very notable in the 60’s and 70’s for obvious reasons and he even shared the title, but as written by Stan Lee it was more than a bit homoerotic. So basically it was like every male action team in history.

BAD SCIENCE = BAD MOVIE
Rio 2 opens at number two and clearly someone pointed out to them that simply having two birds cannot recreate an entire species which was the conceit of the first film, so this one is about them discovering they are not alone and the species is in fact alive and well. Maybe if they’d included them in the first film I might have seen it because that unbelievable bit of genetic stupidity is what put me off the first one. That it was basically about a doomed species was simply too depressing for a kiddie animated film. This is too little, too late…as its box office opening suggests.

BLOODLESS SCARY IS STILL SCARY
Oculus opens at number three and as we all know I DON’T DO THE SCARY! And this looked scary in a real way, not a stupid way like most. And while that PG13 suggests a major cop out, it still wasn’t enough for me. And look to an Oculus 2 because it only cost $5M to make and opened at $12M.

SWING AND A MISS
Draft Day opens at number four and the only real surprise is that it opened this high as the only people who give a crap about draft day for real are too fat and lazy to get up out of their easy chairs to go and see it. I know Kevin Costner is on a mild comeback run right now, but he should have stuck with what works for him: baseball. His bland cornfed appeal suits that sport perfectly, but you know the only thing more boring than a football draft? A baseball draft. Actually a baseball anything.

HEY, LEO! SHE’S GOT AN OSCAR, NOW SHE’S GETTIN’ THE MONEY TOO!
Divergent is down to number five and also in this catching a free ride on the backs of the kids is Kate Winslet. Hey, she’s earned it. Maybe she’ll become to young female leads what Jon Voight and Dennis Hopper were to young male leads: a strong, older antagonist whose presence automatically elevates the film…and who makes a buttload of money for only being onscreen for 20 minutes tops.

JESUS LOVES THE LITTLE CHILDREN
Noah is down to number six and also in this are Emma Watson and Logan Lerman and if you think they were cast to try and get the kids in to see a movie about the Bible give yourself a star. Give yourself two if you’re over 30 and even know who the hell they are. But no kids not forced by their churches are going to see God’s Not Dead at number seven, so they didn’t waste their time trying to Zac Efron.

THE END
The Grand Budapest hotel is down to number eight, followed by Muppets Most Wanted at number nine and Mr. Peabody & Sherman closing out the top ten at number ten.