Tag Archives: Cobie Smulders


8 Dec


 1. Frozen/Disney                                          Wknd/$  31.6            Total/$ 134.3

 2. The Hunger Games 2/LGF                    Wknd/$  27.0            Total/$ 336.7

 3. Out of the Furnace/Relativity               Wknd/$    5.3            Total/$     5.3

 4. Thor: The Dark World/BV                     Wknd/$    4.7            Total/$ 193.6

 5. Delivery Man/BV                                     Wknd/$    3.8            Total/$   24.8

 6. Homefront/ORF                                       Wknd/$    3.4            Total/$   15.3

 7. The Book Thief/Fox                                 Wknd/$    2.7             Total/$   12.1

 8. The Best Man Holiday/Universal         Wknd/$    2.7            Total/$  67.2

 9. Philomena/Weinstein                              Wknd/$    2.3           Total/$     8.3

10. Dallas Buyers Club/Focus                      Wknd/$    1.5           Total/$     1.5



Frozen takes over the top spot and in thinking of it more and the big “Let It Go” song in the film—which will no doubted be nominated for an Oscar because I cannot honestly remember another son associated with a film this year—the more I feel this is a metaphor for a young girl’s developing sexuality.  Seriously.  She’s about 12 or 13 when the accident with her sister occurs, which is the appropriate age. And she has no problem controlling her powers (i.e. her sexuality) until her father freaks out about it, making her feel anxious and guilty and telling her she has to lock that thing up (he put special gloves on her aka, chastity belt). Later when it explodes at an inopportune as repressed sexuality tends to do, the reaction of an old man is “She’s evil!”  which is sadly not new when it comes to a woman’s sexuality.  Also when she just lets go and truly explores and revels in her power, her clothes become more revealing and there’s more wiggle to that hip.  And the big resolution? That her power can only be controlled with love, the ultimate device used to control a woman’s sexuality. Just forget you had complete control until your dad made you freak out about it thanks to an accident that was a result of your little sister’s recklessness, not yours.



The Hunger Games Catching Fire is down to number two and also in this is Elizabeth Banks who has a knack for picking the right franchises as she was the underused Betty Brant in the first Spider-Man trilogy (geeks like me know she was Peter Parker’s first love until her lowlife brother got himself killed and she blamed Spider-Man for it).  Now she’s got this.  Won’t be a bit surprised if she turns up in the new Star Wars films.



Out of the Furnace opens at number three and not seeing this is a major fail on my part because there’s nothing unappealing about this film. Talented actors in a film that looks like a nice drama you sit down and sink yourself into. Of course the last time I thought was the film Prisoners and look how that turned out. Yeah, only $5M looks a little disappointing, but it only cost $22M to make and is Oscar bait for Christian Bale and Woody Harrelson (who seemingly get nominated every year for a film you’ve never heard of), though not as “prestige” as something Tom Hanks is in. That means it’s not really meant to make money until it gets nominated for something.



Thor: The Dark World is down to number four, followed by Delivery Man actually rising to number five and what do these two films have in common? WASPy brunettes who might have been Wonder Woman.  Jaimie Alexander is the Norse warrior goddess Sif (she wasn’t a warrior in the actual legends, not to mention famous for her blonde hair) in both Thor films and because studio execs and fans alike have no imagination, it was thought she’d be perfect for Wonder Woman. She was also vocal about wanting the role and said she’d been meeting with Warner Brothers, which may have been her undoing.  In Delivery Man is Colbie Smulders, who was the choice of none other than Joss Whedon to be Wonder Woman back when he was on the project. I don’t think Gal Gadot is perfect, but that she’s not whitest woman on earth (she’s Israeli) to play a GREEK is a step in the right direction.  People who complain about her being skinny are morons. Last I heard gaining weight was not something humans have a problem doing. The only question is will they put actual muscle on her and not be afraid of it being somehow “unfeminine.”



Homefront is down to number six and also in this is Winona Ryder. No, I’m serious!   But I’m as surprised as you are. No matter how many times she shows up in a film (she actually does one or two a year) it’s always a bit of a shock because I think she retired to run a goat farm somewhere. Or a small music label so she can pursue her favorite hobby: young musicians.



The Book Thief holds at number seven, followed by The Best Man Holiday at eight and I’m not going to say there’s a battle of “black Christmas films” (there is) but if there were (there is), then this won and I’m glad that a depiction of successful Black people defeated Black people singing about Jesus. Bring it, Madea!



Philomena is down to number nine followed by Dallas Buyers Club reentering the top ten at number ten and apparently people need something to be upset over because it’s a problem for some that an actor (Jared Leto, who’s getting Oscar talk) played a transsexual rather than hiring a real transsexual actor. You wish I were joking. The cherry on top of this little piece of insanity? While this is based on a true story, that character IS FICTIONAL!  Zeus give me strength…








3 Mar


1. Jack the Giant Slayer/Warner              Wknd/$  28.0           Total/$  28.0

 2. Identity Thief/Universal                        Wknd/$    9.7            Total/$107.4

 3. 21 and Over/Relativity                            Wknd/$   9.0            Total/$    9.0

 4. The Last Exorcism Pt II/CBS                 Wknd/$   8.0            Total/$    8.0

 5. Snitch/Summit                                          Wknd/$   7.7             Total/$  24.4

 6. Escape From Planet Earth/Wein           Wknd/$   6.7            Total/$  43.2

 7. Safe Haven/Relativity                               Wknd/$   6.3            Total/$  57.1

 9. A Good Day to Die Hard/Fox                  Wknd/$   4.5            Total/$  51.8

 8. Silver Linings Playbook/Wein                Wknd/$   5.9             Total/$ 115.5

10. Dark Skies/Weinstein                              Wknd/$   3.6             Total/$  13.4



Jack The Giant Slayer opens at number one, which is actually pretty good for a film that was postponed from last year’s dead zone of August then dumped into this year’s dead zone that is January & February (yes, I know it was technically March).  Well, it would be if not for the fact this silly little film cost almost $200M and there’s simply no reason why. It’s not high concept; they aren’t creating worlds that never existed and never will. It’s not packed with big expensive stars whose salaries could each finance a separate film.  And it’s not some kind of epic.  Nope, it’s just expensive because of bad judgment because someone somewhere (aka, director Bryan Singer) decided for some reason all the giants had to be CGI, rather than use regular actors and SFX them into scenes.  CGI isn’t free people. It’s just cheaper than actually building the pyramids of Egypt or actually destroying the Effiel Tower, but all that computer time still costs money.  Are the giants at least interesting to look at?  Nope.  Not even the two-headed one voiced by Bill Nighy, who knows what an interesting-looking CGI character looks like because he played one in Pirates of the Caribbean.  But you know after that he was happy just to go to the studio a few times to record his voice and then collect a paycheck.  No months in front of a greenscreen for him. The rest of the cast was not quite as lucky, spending their days either on greenscreen set staring at a tennis ball acting like it’s a two-headed giant or on location…starting at a tennis ball acting like it’s a two-headed giant.  And for what?  Effects that are about as impressive as when Hercules and Xena used to battle giants on TV a decade ago on fraction of the budget.  The sad thing is, it’s not a bad film per se.  A little overlong with an odd stop when the film should be rushing towards its conclusion of a massive battle with the giants, but it’s a fun interpretation of the classic story. It’s just not exceptional and certainly not all that memorable.  Rather than go for wit or revision they simply chose to tell the story straight and lacking in any type of visual flair it’s an decent afternoon’s distraction and not much more. Right now Bryan Singer is very glad he’s already signed the contracts and cashed the check for the next X-Men film.



Identity Thief is down to number two, followed by and opening at number three is 21 and Over or the second teen version of The Hangover to come out in the last year.  The first was Project X, which made $100M worldwide from a $12M budget, so you know there would be more to come.  The plot for all of them remains the same: planned outing gets out of hand.  The Hangover had the hook of a mystery of learning what happened while searching for a missing partygoer.  Project X even had the “found footage” format, which is basically a license to print money these days, but this?  This has nothing but your average teen sex comedy presentation, but apparently rather than out for sex, they’re out for drinking. And while it opened decently enough, bringing a $9M on a $12M budget the first weekend, it will be hard-pressed to match the returns of its predecessors.  Indeed the most interesting this about it is the added minority element  with one partygoer being Asian (and even that was lifted from The Hangover Pt 2).  Apparently it dawned on someone that people of color like to get drunk and make fools of themselves as well.



The Last Exorcism Pt II opens up at number three and I guess this means The Last Exorcism was technically the Next To Last Exorcism, given they’re doing one here too because the previous one clearly didn’t take. The previous film took the someone interesting hook of not only being a “found footage” movie, but making the protagonist a charlatan exorcist who clearly ran into more than he could chew. It opened at number one and made a bucketful of loot. This however is done as a straight forward horror flick about a possessed girl and clearly the audience either had no interest in it, or felt cheated by going to what they saw was the “last” and finding out otherwise.  Then again, its budget was only $5M and has made $8M its opening weekend.  No one is losing either sleep or money and once home sales are factored in methinks she’ll be getting a third exorcism this time next year.



Snitch is down to number four and Nadine Velasquez is also in this but I sincerely doubt she thought this warranted the full frontal nudity she bestowed upon Flight.  If she did I might have seen it. Yes, I’m that sad.  Seriously, it’s the only reason I saw Flight.  Don’t judge me, monkey.



Escape From Planet Earth is down to number five followed by Safe Haven at number six and also in this in the “big twist” role (SHE’S A GHOST!) is Cobie Smulders, best know as Robin from the godawful How I Met Your Mother, the show where a douchebag tells his kids about all the women he banged before meeting their mother. Presumably this explains why one of them was born blind due to the herpes he contracted.  You know she can’t help but wonder “What if” as Joss Whedon now heads up the billion-dollar Avengers franchise and he wanted her to be the star of the Wonder Woman movie he was supposed to make (I question someone only 5’8” but whatever).  He was good enough to put her in the cast as Maria Hill, but you know that’s still gotta sting.  Coulda been the most famous female superhero on earth and instead is supporting the actual stars of superhero movies and supporting two C-list actors in a C-list movie.  Seriously, ouch.



Silver Linings Playbook rises to number seven thanks to Jennifer Lawrence winning Best Actress, which I admittedly did not see coming.  My roommate who is an actress and a member of SAG actually has the screener DVD and brought it to me afterwards. I refused it. Now it’s a point of honor that I never see this film.



A Good Day To Die Hard is down to number nine and has only made $60M domestically from a $92M budget.  Flop?  Think again. Bruce Willis is an international superstar.  This has made $162M overseas and while $221M isn’t profitable just yet (3x budget is the rule of thumb) it has clearly more than broken even.  Don’t be surprised when Die Hard 6 rolls around.  Where Were You When It Was Time To Die Hard?  Better to Die Hard on Your Feet Than Live Soft on Your Knees?



Finally, Dark Skies closes out the top ten at number ten and believe it or not but this was a success.  $13m from a $3.5M budget.  Nicely done there, Felicity.



The latest mid-season replacement show is Golden Boy which honestly would be better off if it were a biography on the life of C3P0, because it’s got about as much to do with reality as Star Wars. Its basic premise is that a 34-year-old is looking back on the comprised path that made him the youngest Police Commissioner in NYPD history.  See, they fail out of the gate.  Now if they’d made him a Captain at a young age you might have had something, but commissioner!?!  That means he’s got to go through sergeant, lieutenant and captain in the next 7-8 years.  Light sabers and jawas look reasonable in comparison.  It’s downhill from there starting with the bad make-up and body acting to make him seem like an “aged” 34 and continues on with him twitching throughout the episode like a junkie jonesing for a fix, but in this case it’s the power and success he’s never had.  He does only the dumb things that would actually insure he’d never rise in the NYPD.  To this they add the clichés of Attractive Blonde Cop You Know He’s Going To Sleep with and of Grumpy Older Partner With Only Two Years To Go Trying To Teach Him (that latter of which wastes the talent of Ciji McBride) and the hallmark of all bad writing: others acting stupid so he can seem smart.  They should have watched LA Confidential and the character of Edmund Exley. That’s how you do a young ambitious cop.  In fact the most interesting thing about this show is a CGI time-lapse shot of the still uncompleted One World Trade Center being completed.



Remember that building on Columbus Circle that had no windows and looked like a tomb?  Well it was done over and aside from now having windows is the home of The Museum of Art & Design, which includes a chi-chi resturant on the top floor. I was there for The Art of Scent exhibit about the development of the perfume industry over the last century or so.  Curated by Chandler Burr, perfume critic of the NY Times (yes, there is such a thing), it has selected the 20 or so most important scents ever developed. You go to smelling stations where a burst of perfumed scented air is activated when you lower your face into the indentation in the wall.  My only complaint is for a subject so broad the exhibit was so small. Well, that and the fact that Drakkar Noir was considered important.  Well, maybe it was a game changer especially for male scents, which have actually grown over the last few years faster than those of women, which traditionally dominate, but that “the” smell of the douchebag is in a museum next to Chanel #5 still seems like a mistake.  There’s also a more traditional testing room where you can smell the actual “juice” as it’s called on tester sticks.  Also in this room is another set of stations where you get cards showing the development of the scent “Tresor” by each modification from beginning to end, with comments on the back of each card from the creator, Sophia Grojsman about what, why and how she did it.  I’d tell you to go, but it actually started last November and ended today.  But you can still read Chandler Burr’s book, “The Perfect Scent” and still learn a thing or two. But be ready, in addition to all the glitz and glamour there’s some science. Hard science. Perfume after all is chemistry.