WEEK #2 AND IT’S STILL SUCKING

4 Apr

g-ua
1. Batman v Superman/WB Wknd/$ 52.4 Total/$ 261.5
2. Zootopia/Disney Wknd/$ 20.0 Total/$ 275.9
3. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2/Uni Wknd/$ 11.1 Total/$ 36.5
4. God’s Not Dead 2/PFR Wknd/$ 8.1 Total/$ 8.1
5. Miracles from Heaven/TriStar Wknd/$ 7.6 Total/$ 46.8
6. Divergent: Allegiant/LG Wknd/$ 5.7 Total/$ 56.3
7. 10 Cloverfield Lane/Paramount Wknd/$ 4.8 Total/$ 63.6
8. Meet the Blacks/Free Wknd/$ 4.1 Total/$ 4.1
9. Eye in the Sky/BST Wknd/$ 4.1 Total/$ 6.1
10. Deadpool/Paramount Wknd/$ 3.5 Total/$ 355.1

SHIT FLOATS: PART 2039840201
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice holds the top spot and forget what you’ve heard about a 68% drop and cries of failure. Huge drops after huge openings are actually very normal. The first Avengers movie suffered at 50% drop and the second a nearly 60% drop. Even the well-reviewed The Dark Knight, the first superhero movie to make a billion, suffered a more than 50% drop its second week and I’m pretty sure none of them were failures. If everyone sees it the first weekend, then logically there are fewer people to see it the next weekend. That’s just a fact of the business. It’s only a problem if you were looking to repeat business to turn a profit. This is now the superhero equivalent of a The Transformers. The fact that they are awful will have no impact on their success. The only issue is the cost of the budget. It’s supposedly $250M, but is rumored to go as high as $410M with all the promotion, which makes sense as it’s everywhere. I wiped my ass once and it somehow came out in the shape of that fucking combined Superman and Batman symbol. And it was more entertaining to see than this. Now, the rule of thumb is at least 3x budget to turn a profit (though some would say it’s actually 4x or 5x) and if that’s the case it’s gonna need at least $1.23B—with a B—to be successful. It’s not improbable but let’s hope for the sake of future movies it does not because there will be no reason to change. For the rumored Batman movie starring, written and presumably directed by Ben Affleck, however, there is every reason to change. He’s been a critical darling too long to go back to being the butt of jokes and he’s not a good enough actor to hide it. Expect to see little resemblance to this flaming bag of donkey poo in anything he does. And I have to admit he’s not the disaster we all anticipated. The problem was going with an older Batman overall, not so much Ben Affleck himself (though he doesn’t convey the intensity that their rumored first choice, James Brolin, would have). And I love Jeremy Irons period, so casting him as Alfred gets nothing but a gold star from me. They both just need to be in a movie far, far away from Zack Snyder, who blew even the action sequences here. Maybe I’m spoiled now by Daredevil, but the fight scenes with Batman were clumsy with too many stuntmen obviously waiting around for their turn to die like a bad 70’s kung fu movie.

ZOOTOPIA 2: SELMA
Zootopia holds at number two and while I hope they don’t make a sequel, I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be there opening weekend to see it. The only problem would be making the allegories of race and gender work the second time around. Also they have to resist the celebrities who’d love to be in it rather than simply hire the best actors for the job the way they seem to have done this time around. I love Idris Elba and Jason Bateman, but when they’re your biggest stars it’s clear you weren’t looking for that to sell your film, which is a good thing. Also on-hand are Ginnifer Goodwin, Jenny Slate, Bonnie Hunt, Tommy Chong, JK Simmons, Octavia Spencer and Shakira. I see two Oscar winners but not one person whose name suggests fame over substance and again, that’s a good thing.

I’M AN ATHEIST AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 holds at number three and between this and Batman v Superman that the fourth film is entitled God’s Not Dead 2 comes off as a complete lie. How could he be alive and let all that other crap thrive? Is it perhaps part of his ongoing jealousy of Superman? This along with the fourth film, Miracles from Heaven (as opposed to what?), is part of the new wave of Christian themed films, which are making a nice profit and honestly I have no problem with them because it means its audience can shut the fuck up about other films and just watch their own. What’s wrong with them is that they are seemingly obsessed with atheists and view them as some kind of powerful majority in America who is out to get them. Uh, no. There’s more reality in Lord of the Rings than there is in that scenario. Sauramon has more power over America than atheists do.

A SCREAMING FAT DUDE IMPROVES EVERY MOVIE
The Divergent Series: Allegiant is down to number six, followed by 10 Cloverfield Lane at number seven and also in this is John Goodman and while I’ll never see this I’m glad he’s got a hit under his belt where you actually see him (his voice was in Transformers: Age of Extinction and of course Monsters University), though his presence in Hail Caesar might have made it a bit more interesting. Of course he was in Inside Llewyn Davis the Coen Brothers movie I didn’t see, but I don’t apologize for that because they are famously hit and miss and honestly I had no interest in a movie about a folk music failure. Mostly because of the folk music.

JUST BECAUSE HE’S BLACK DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO SUPPORT HIM
Meet the Blacks opens at number eight and all I know about this is Mike Epps is in it so will never watch it not even under threat of torture. I hate that muthafucka on sight and cannot imagine how he landed the starring role in a Richard Pryor bio. I can only think it’s being made directly for BET because what person would ever make him the star of drama they’d like taken seriously and expect people to pay to see? If it ever really gets made (they’ve been trying to do this since Pryor was alive and Damon Wayans was cast) I’ll add it to the list of Lee Daniels films I’ll never see in this lifetime. No, TV does not count, though I’m like 8 episodes behind on Empire too.

ONLY THE MOVIE COLLATERAL DAMAGE WAS FUNNY, THOUGH NOT INTENTIONALLY
Eye in the Sky rises to number nine and this is actually the second movie about drone usage and the human cost in the last year. I’m gonna guess neither of them are comedies.

MAN OF STEEL, WOMAN OF TITANIUM
Deadpool closes out the top ten at number ten and this has made over half-a-billion worldwide and $355M in the US alone. It’s so successful the Suicide Squad movie is being sent back for reshoots to add comedy to it. Forget that its success is because it’s loyal to its source material. Oh, no. All Hollywood took away from this was “R-rating” and “comedy.” Suddenly all my optimism for the Suicide Squad movie (thanks to that awesome trailer) has evaporated. Also in this movie is Gina Carano who is making some pretty good decisions with her career. First, hopping onboard The Fast & The Furious franchise, then doing a film with Steven Soderbergh (though a complete drag, as the auteur is so above an action film he refused to anything that would make it even remotely fun to watch), doing small films you’ve never heard of even though they had Bruce Willis (Extraction) and Robert DeNiro (Heist) and finally hopping onboard the superhero franchise in one of its most successful entries ever. I supposed you could add boning Superman to that list as she was with Henry Cavill exactly when both their films were out in 2013, but I doubt that was planned. Though I’d respect the shit out of her if it were. Fucking someone hot which also serves to promote you is a win/win. The opposite is like Lara Flynn Boyle was a) boning David Spade which did nothing for her and she was fucking David Spade and b) when she dumped him for bone Jack Nicholson which made her more famous than she’d ever been before…but she had to fuck Jack Nicholson. To fully illuminate the horror this I’ve uncharacteristically added additional pictures. Ironically, Spade would be with her at her peak, while Nicholson had her when she was as skinny as she was old and fat.

ALSO VISIT:

ORIGINAL ANGRYGEEK.COM

FORMER BOY WONDER PHOTOGRAPHY

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