ACTION IS HIS REWARD!

5 May

spideys
1. The Amazing Spider-Man 2/Sony                      Wknd/$ 92.0   Total/$ 92.0
2. The Other Woman/Fox                                        Wknd/$ 14.2    Total/$ 47.3
4. Captain America: The Winter Soldier               Wknd/$ 7.8      Total/$ 237.1
3. Heaven is for Real/TriStar                                   Wknd/$ 8.7      Total/$ 65.6
5. Rio 2/Fox                                                                 Wknd/$ 7.6      Total/$ 106.5
6. Brick Mansions/Relativity                                   Wknd/$ 3.5      Total/$ 15.5
7. Divergent/LGF                                                        Wknd/$ 2.1      Total/$ 142.7
8. The Quiet Ones/LGF                                             Wknd/$ 2.0      Total/$ 6.7
9. God’s Not Dead/Free                                            Wknd/$ 1.8       Total/$ 55.6
10 Grand Budapest Hotel/FoxSearch                    Wknd/$ 1.7       Total/$ 51.5

UNLIKE NEW COKE THIS ACTUALLY WORKED
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 opens at number one and before we begin I’m going to drop some geek knowledge on you. The Amazing Spider-Man is the name of the comic book that started in 1962 (there’s a joke in the movie referring to 1961 for this reason, but obviously incorrect). Ultimate Spider-Man is the name of a new “updated” Spider-Man that started in 2000. And by “updated” I mean Uncle Ben had ponytail and 15-year-old Peter Parker’s job at the Daily Bugle is working on their website, not taking photos. It’s set in a different universe than the regular book where Peter Parker grew up and married Mary Jane (but then their marriage was dissolved when the Editor In Chief had the Devil destroy it; no, I’m not kidding), which still exists. The first Spider-Man trilogy was based more on the original Spider-Man from 1962, while this reboot was based more on the 2000 Ultimate Spider-Man. This doesn’t matter to you people, but to those of us who know it’s a little odd seeing traditional elements like the relationship with Gwen Stacy with the modern elements of Peter Parker’s dad being a scientist that worked with Norman Osborn (in the regular comic Spider-Man’s parents worked for SHIELD). In fact as the film opens we see him and his wife dying in a plane crash engineered by Norman Osborn (it was a plane crash for the SHIELD Agents too, but nothing more). It’s part of plot that makes Spider-Man closer to both Batman (avenging lost parents) and Superman (superpowered legacy of a scientist), but honestly he didn’t need it and it’s not why I enjoyed this film. No, I enjoyed it because this “got” Spider-Man better than any of the previous films did, due in no small part to Andrew Garfield’s performance. When in costume, Peter Parker is a straight up wise-ass that’s pure NYC (Queens, to be exact). That’s something Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi never fully accomplished, while I think they got Peter Parker right. Also, advance word of disappointment seriously lowered my expectations which helps almost every film, because when I hear it’s bad I fully expect to see the boom mike swing down and people staring at the camera. That’s obviously not the case here and while they do spend a little too much time trying to set up a franchise rather than make a single effective film, it still manages to shine through.

YOU’VE GOT ENOUGH GIFTS THERE ALREADY, SWEETIE.
The Other Woman is down to number two and I was going to let it go because she’s a kid and I think she’s sweet (you know you’re getting old when rather than ogle the hot swimsuit model you just look at her ago “Awww, she’s precious.”), but since Kate Upton has brought up her butt and how people should pay more attention to it, let’s get real: she ain’t got one, which is why that clip of Cameron Diaz freaking out over its perfection is ridiculous. Then again Cameron Diaz ain’t got no booty either so maybe it was big to her. But in the sad tradition of models since the late 60’s, below the waist, Kate Upton is built like a 12-year-old boy, possessing neither waist nor booty, showing you just how much illusion goes into swimsuit photography.

LIKE THE SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK SONG
Heaven Is For Real is hanging around at number three and I’d mention that “3” is traditionally number of luck, but that’s a pagan belief and I know the audience for this would hate that.

NOTHING ENDURES MORE THAN THE LUST OF A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY
Captain America: The Winter Soldier is down to number four and also in this is Jenny Agutter who is part of the UN Council that runs SHIELD (so why people keep insisting it’s American is beyond me), but best known for taking a generation of boys into adulthood in the early 70’s thanks to a willingness to disrobe. Geeks like me know her best from Logan’s Run in 70’s fashions that basically left her nude. Sigh. The 70’s….

WU TANG FOREVER
Rio 2 is down to number five followed by Brick Mansions at number six and I will never stop being amused at The RZA in movies, well after the Wu Tang Clan’s peak, which is when most rappers go Hollywood. It’s like he’s old enough not to give a crap any longer and does what he likes. If the name of the group wasn’t a clue, The RZA is down seriously with martial arts which is why it comes a no surprise he’s in this particular film. Now being on Californication? That I can’t explain. Or forgive.

SON OF A MAN CALLED HORSE
Divergent actually rises to number seven followed by The Quiet Ones down to number eight and in this as the scientist getting in over his head by toying with the supernatural is Jared Harris who looks just like his dad, the late great Richard Harris, but only the older Richard Harris. Unfortunately, he got none of dad’s young, blonde glory.

LAZARUS…BECAUSE I’M TOO SCARED TO SAY THE OTHER GUY
God’s Not Dead rises back into the top then, thanks it seems to that heaven movie. I guess you could say it was “resurrected.” Please don’t kill me, Christian crazies.

HAUNTING ME
Also returning in The Grand Budapest Hotel and if this continues I’ll have no choice but to see it.

VISIT:

The Original Angrygeek.com

Former Boy Wonder Photo

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