SNOWGASM. YEAH, YOU READ THAT RIGHT.

5 Jan

Kristen-Wiig-Marie-Claire-Magazine

 1. Frozen/Disney                                            Wknd/$  18.2           Total/$ 297.8

 2. Paranormal Activity 4/Par                       Wknd/$  16.3           Total/$   18.2

 3. The Hobbit 2/Warner                               Wknd/$  16.3           Total/$ 229.6

 4. The Wolf of Wall Street/Par                    Wknd/$  13.4           Total/$   63.3

 5. American Hustle/Sony                             Wknd/$  13.2           Total/$   88.7

 6. Anchorman 2/Paramount                        Wknd/$  11.1            Total/$ 109.2

 7. Saving Mr. Banks/Disney                         Wknd/$    9.1           Total/$   59.3

 8. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty/Fox       Wknd/$    8.2          Total/$   45.7

 9. The Hunger Games 2/LGF                       Wknd/$    7.4           Total/$ 407.5

10. The Grudge Match/Warner                     Wknd/$    5.4           Total/$   24.9

 

SANTA’S NOT REAL AND WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE ONE DAY

Apparently a young girl with magical powers just hit puberty (I’m not the only one who noticed that and they’re calling that scene her “first snowgasm”) because a cold snap has enveloped the nation and Frozen returns to the top spot. I had a brief conversation with an 8-year-old girl who was going to see it just this afternoon, so I’m thinking she helped push it over the top.  She also knew all about it before even having seen it and knew she’d like it, in case you’re wondering why this is doing so well.  She was giggling already at the thought of Olaf the snowman, who was in fact my favorite part of the movie. And no, I’m not some ogre who gave his unvarnished opinion to a child. When she’s 9, however, all bets are off!

 

THE ONLY SCARY THING IS HOW MUCH MONEY IT MAKES

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones opens at number two and while this may seem a step down for the franchise, which usually opens at number one, it turned a profit immediately, which is actually par the course for this franchise. $18M from a $5M? $34M worldwide? It could drop off the map next week and not only would no one care, but Paranormal Activity 5 is probably already in production to come out at Halloween.

 

BROS BEFORE…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is down to number three, followed by The Wolf of Wall Street at number four and the connection here is, the separation of Orlando Bloom from Miranda Kerr was barely announced before Leonardo DiCaprio was rumored to have gone after her. Like I said, he’s not just playing a douche onscreen, he’s living it.

 

SERIOUSLY. I WANT AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE NOW.

American Hustle drops one notch to number five everyone of the above line cast either has an Oscar or has been nominated for one. Yes, even Jeremy Renner.  This is why so many are giving the plot a pass.  A messy ice cream sundae is still worth eating and I’m gonna eat this one, damnit!

 

DON’T MESS WITH MY FAMILY, MOUSE BOY!

Anchorman 2 is down to number six, followed by Saving Mr. Banks at number seven and apparently there’s a better movie inside this one starring Colin Farrell and a personal fave, Rachel Griffiths as the real life man and woman Mary Poppins was based upon who happened to be P.L. Travers’ father and aunt. Or maybe it was her great aunt. In either case you can understand why she remained pissed about it until she died, they were messing with her family.  This is why none of the other books have ever been adapted into films.

 

AND THE CALL WENT OUT:  ATTRACTIVE, FUNNY OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW GLAM ROCK

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is down to number eight and also in this is Kristin Wiig, who is also in Anchorman 2 in a supporting role giving her two films in the top ten.  She’s actually within a decade of Stiller’s age so I suppose it’s a small victory in the inappropriate age casting that has always been part of Hollywood.  I think only that she needed to be old enough to have a teen son prevented someone out of the Twilight cast from playing the role of his love interest.  Wiig’s character is part of the catalyst that finally gets Walter to stop daydreaming and start living, though ironically it’s a pivotal moment where he imagines her singing “Space Oddity” (which then of course segues into Bowie) that pushes him forward in his actual life. I guess that also required an actress over 35. You had to be convincing as someone who knew who David Bowie is and as Avril Lavigne taught us, that’s no longer guaranteed with these damn kids today. No, I’m not gonna let that go.

 

NO, IT’S NOT ROCKY 7 OR RAGING BULL 2

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is down to number nine and it’s exact polar opposite in terms of the age of its stars is Grudge Match, with a sixty-something Stallone, a seventy-something DeNiro, an exactly 60-year-old Kim Basinger (who looks amazing) and god knows how old Alan Arkin is.  I had no interest in this, but if you gave me a movie about Kevin Hart and Alan Arkin sniping at each other you might have had my money.  That seemed interesting. Stallone and DeNiro in a comedy-drama about a rivalry between old boxers (30 is old for a boxer, much less 70), not so much.

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