NOTHING IS MORE TERRIFYING THAN AN OLD MAN IN A DIAPER SCREAMING

15 Sep

Michelle Pfeiffer 001(3)

1. Insidious 2/FD                                           Wknd/$  41.1            Total/$  41.1

 2. The Family/Relativity                             Wknd/$  14.5            Total/$  14.5

 3. Riddick/Universal                                    Wknd/$    7.0            Total/$  31.3

 4. Lee Daniel’s The Butler/Weinstein      Wknd/$    5.6            Total/$100.0

 6. Instructions Not Included/LGF            Wknd/$    4.3            Total/$  26.6

 5. We’re The Millers/Warners                    Wknd/$    5.4            Total/$ 131.6

 7. Planes/Disney                                            Wknd/$    3.1            Total/$  83.0

 8. One Direction This Is Us/Sony              Wknd/$    2.4            Total/$  26.9

 9. Elysium/TriStar                                        Wknd/$    2.1             Total/$  88.4

10. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters            Wknd/$    1.8            Total/$  62.0

 

WHY BUY THE COW WHEN GET YOU CAN GET TERRIFIED FOR FREE?

Insidious 2 opens at number one and I think we all know by now I don’t like the scary so I didn’t see this as I didn’t see the first one.  Hell, that commercial with the old man in a diaper screaming “He’s got your baby! He’s got your baby!” messed me up.  I wasn’t about to pay for ninety minutes of it, but clearly I was alone in this.

 

HE’S GONNA OFFER A JOKE YOU CAN’T REFUSE TO LAUGH AT

The Family opens at number two and people love Robert DeNiro as a gangster; even moreseo when he’s playing it for laughs.  This looks like it should have been the sequel to Analyze This instead of Analyze That. I wouldn’t know, because like most of the world, I declined to see it, but I think we can all agree Tommy Lee Jones deadpanning instead of a Billy Crystal hamming automatically makes it a better movie.  I won’t even get into Michelle Pfeiffer over Lisa Kudrow because that would just be mean.

 

NOT THAT ONE SHOULD EXPECT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IN A RIDDICK MOVIE

Riddick is down to number three and also in this is Katee Sackhoff best known as Starbuck from the Battlestar Galactica reboot and again, I fully admit her partial nude scene is what pushed me over the edge from ambivalence to finally seeing this movie, but all the Riddick movies have had actresses good at playing tough which is part of the appeal. Claudia Black (best known from Farscape) was in Pitch Black (which I won’t see because I know she dies in it) and Chronicles of Riddick had both Alexa Davalos and Christina Cox (sadly not known for anything) and the latter was the tough mercenary who is genuinely drawn to Riddick. I preferred the to Katee Sackhoff being lesbian who somehow “turns” by the final reel because you know, Riddick is just that badass. Are you freaking kidding me!?!  This isn’t the 60’s where Pussy Galore’s lesbian tendencies are no match Sean Connery at the peak of his Bond powers. Now it’s just a tad offensive to joke all a lesbian needs is the right man to set her “straight.”  It’s a taint on an otherwise dumb good time. It would have been better if it was just something she said to keep from being hit on all the time as the only woman onboard.

 

THE ENGLISH WERE BIGOTS TOO, RIGHT?

Lee Daniels’ The Butler is down to number four and this has crossed the $100M mark making it a ridiculous hit and you just know somehow, somewhere, someone is trying to figure out how to make a sequel. The Butler 2: Now He Works For The Queen of England.

 

CALL IT THE DEBBIE REYNOLDS EFFECT

We’re The Millers is still hanging around at number five and for the first time Jennifer Anniston’s success has little to do with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Of course if not for them she’d be already back on TV with a sitcom probably coming on right after Cougar Town, but we’ll let her have this one.

 

MISC.

Instructions Not Included is down to number six, followed by Planes at number seven and One Direction: This Is Us at number eight.

 

MAYBE IT’S FITTING NOT TO TURN A PROFIT WHEN SO MANY ARE HUNGRY

Elysium is down to number nine and at 232M worldwide has at least broken even, so it’s not loss, but still a disappointment for this ham-fisted parable about the haves and have-nots.

 

AT THE END IT’LL BE COCKROACHES AND THIS MOVIE

Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters hangs around at number ten and we need an exterminator to get rid of this.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: