ROSEMARY’S BABY IS AN INDICTMENT OF THE PATRIARCHY

9 Jun

zoe-kravitz2

 1. The Purge/Universal                            Wknd/$  36.4            Total/$  36.4

 2. Fast & Furious 6/Universal                 Wknd/$  19.8            Total/$202.9

 3. Now You See Me/LGF                          Wknd/$  19.5            Total/$  61.4

 4. The Internship/Fox                               Wknd?$  18.1            Total/$   18.1

 5. Epic/Fox                                                   Wknd/$  12.1            Total/$  84.2

 6. Star Trek Into Darkness/Par                Wknd/$  11.7            Total/$ 200.1

 7. After Earth/Sony                                     Wknd/$  11.0            Total/$  46.6

 8. The Hangover Pt. III/Warners             Wknd/$   7.4            Total/$ 102.4

 9. Iron Man 3/Paramount                          Wknd/$   5.8            Total/$ 394.3

10. The Great Gatsby/Warners                  Wknd/$   4.2             Total/$ 136.2

 

NOW PLAYING AT THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION

The Purge opens at number one and it’s funny how right wing movies tend to be action oriented films where the government can solve the world’s ills with bullets and problems are caused by certain people (women, minorities, foreigners) messing things up, while left wing movies tend be horror films where the evil usually comes as the result of the government or status quo and it’s “certain people” who save the day or at least survive (there’s more politics in zombie movies than you think).  This speaks volumes about the mindset of the two groups.  While you discuss this amongst yourselves, The Purge is decidedly left wing presenting a dystopia where prosperity is based upon once a year letting people want to go out into the streets and commit whatever crimes they can upon those still out. Of course this would mean those lacking the money and power to hide and protect themselves.  Ethan Hawke is a man who blindly parrots the virtues of the yearly purge and has become wealthy selling home security systems so basically the movie is all about his chickens coming home to roost.  I passed because as we all know—say it with me—“I don’t do the scary.”  Good or bad, I avoid it where I can.  Also politics aside, how many of these freaking “family trapped in a house” movies have come out in the last few years?  And the home invaders all seem to be master ninjas who know how to silently get past security and are fearless and nearly invulnerable to weapons.  Not to mention all seem to wear the same kind of creepy mask and have in their groups girls who are 90 pounds soaking wet with rocks in their pockets that we’re to take seriously as threats.  Am I really supposed to be scared by Muffy and Buffy and in their gossamer dresses no matter how crazy?  I think not.  And while the average family shouldn’t be masters of setting up a defense choke point in their houses, it’s logical that a man who does home security would know better than most how to deal with intruders, but if he does, then you have no movie, so he has to be the least secure home security expert on earth.

 

BEAUTY FADES

Fast & The Furious 6 is finally down to number two and we’re gonna have to take the “pretty boy” out of Paul “Pretty Boy” Walker as time has robbed him of some of that golden boy beauty.  Not helping is the fact that someone, somewhere seems to think that looking grungy works for him. It doesn’t. A little beard stubble can be sexy; a lot without a beard just makes you look homeless.  So let’s get a shave and put some highlights back in those golden locks. You don’t see Brad Pitt letting himself be gray onscreen.

 

LIKE FINE WINE APPARENTLY WORKS FOR  DUDES TOO

Now You See Me is down to number three and if we continue playing our geek game, Alfred the Butler, Lucius Fox and The Incredible Hulk are all out to catch a bunch of con artists, AKA, “What’s The Worst Superhero Team Up Ever?”  Both Woody Harrelson and Mark Ruffalo are having a bit of a career resurgence in their middle age, the former churning out Oscar worthy work on a regular basis while the latter is seeming himself in hit films for the first time ever.  Both had a moment as the mainstream male lead when they were younger but ultimately couldn’t hang onto it.  Though honestly if Indecent Proposal means being on top and I can see why Harrelson may have just stopped trying. They both seem to pay the bills by supporting today’s younger leads in mainstream work, while starring in more substantial indie projects.  Well played, gentlemen. Well played.

 

NEXT UP: REDDIT THE MOVIE

The Internship opens at number four and my schadenfreude is in full effect as I cannot stand either Luke Wilson or Vince Vaughn and them together is basically my definition of hell. No, that would be trapped in an elevator with the two of them as they let flow with their patented stream of verbal diarrhea, though this is close.   Honestly, what made them think someone wanted to see a movie about Google?  Just because The Social Network made money doesn’t mean any website can have a movie. They would have been better off making Funeral Crashers, the logical bookend sequel to Wedding Crashers.

 

NO MATTER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE…BEING LOVED BY GEEKS

Epic holds on at number five, no doubt counting the days until Monsters University wipes it off the face of the earth, while Star Trek Into Darkness is down to number six and also in this is Buckaroo Banzai/Robocop himself, Peter Weller adding another geek cred to his tally after being the voice of Batman in the animated adaptation of The Dark Knight Returns, where his line readings were so boring I imagine he recorded them while sitting in his living room, sipping bourbon while reading the paper.  Thankfully, he’s a little more invested here.

 

IF IT MAKES YOUR FEEL BETTER, YOUR MOM WAS IN ANGEL HEART

After Earth drops to number seven and walking away from this pretty much unscathed is another second generation actor: Zoe Kravitz, the daughter of Lenny and Lisa Bonet.  She plays Will Smith’s daughter who was killed by one of the creatures while protecting Jaden who was understandably traumatized. She shows up in flashbacks throughout and can hopefully return to the X-Men franchise and put this all behind her.

 

MONEY TALKS, YOUR COMPLAINTS WALK

The Hangover III is down to number eight and despite lousy reviews and overall audience disappointment the momentum behind this film is still so strong that it’s already made $272M worldwide from a $103M budget, which means it will still be solidly profitable so director/writer Todd Phillips could give a shit what anyone thinks about this serious left turn.

 

IT’S A REWARD FOR BEING IN AN AWESOME FILM THAT TANKED

Iron Man 3 is down to number nine and also in this is Guy Pearce who at one point was rumored to be up for Daredevil before it went disastrously to Ben Affleck. On one hand, it would have been perfect casting for him to do it. On the other hand, he would have been in one of the worst superhero movies ever. Seriously, Elektra was better and Elektra was awful and something Jennifer Garner only did because of contractual obligations.  Funny how his LA Confidential co-star, Russell Crow will next be seen in Man of Steel, while his other LA Confidential costar, Kevin Spacey, was in Superman Returns and yet another LA Confidential costar, Kim Basinger, was in Batman and yet another LA Confidential co-star, Danny DeVito, was in Batman Returns and still another LA Confidential co-star, James Cromwell, was in Spider-Man 3. Oh, and he was in Count of Monte Cristo with Henry Cavill who plays Superman. Fine. It’s just funny to me, then.

 

THE END

Finally, The Great Gatsby closes out the top ten at number ten.

 

 

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