PLOT. IDIOT PLOT

11 Nov

 

1. Skyfall/Sony                                                Wknd/$   87.8            Total/$   90.0

 2. Wreck-It-Ralph/Disney                            Wknd/$   33.1            Total/$   93.7

 3. Flight/Paramount                                       Wknd/$   15.1            Total/$   47.8

 4. Argo/Warners                                              Wknd/$    6.7            Total/$   85.7

 5. Taken 2/Fox                                                 Wknd/$    4.0            Total/$  131.3

 6. Here Comes The Boom/Sony                   Wknd/$    2.6            Total/$   39.1

 7. Cloud Atlas/Warners                                  Wknd/$    2.5            Total/$   22.7

 8. Pitch Perfect/Universal                              Wknd/$    2.5            Total/$   59.0

 9. The Man With The Iron Fists                    Wknd/$    2.5            Total/$   12.7

10. Hotel Transylvania/Sony                          Wknd/$    2.4            Total/$ 140.9

 

PLOT. IDIOT PLOT.

Skyfall opens easily at number one and let me be the lone voice in the wilderness to say I hated this movie. This goes on my list alongside Diamonds Are Forever, Octopussy, A View To A Kill, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and The World is Not Enough of Bond movies I hope never to see again.  Why? Because no one goes to James Bond film to watch him lose constantly.  And he does. From the opening sequence where he gets shot—twice—to the very end where he’s still standing but practically no one else is. It’s just Bond failing.  Granted, there is an argument to be made for shaking it up and watching our hero take his lumps for a change, but in the third act we expect our hero to come back regardless.  Not here. In the third act after being on the ropes for the better part of the film Bond’s big plan is to go to an isolated place and take on an army by himself with three guns and two senior citizens EVEN THOUGH HE’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING UK AND THE ENTIRE MIGHT OF THE BRITISH MILITARY IS ONLY A PHONE CALL AWAY!!!  It is the very definition of an idiot plot. The moment people stop acting like idiots, this movie is over. What’s worse is we meet the new Q who goes on bragging about his brilliance then falls into a trap the most novice IT geek could have seen coming.  I mean, aren’t these people whose job it is to be suspicious of all things all the time? Even the fucking Avengers were suspicious when they took Loki so easily but in the world of profession paranoia they don’t see the most obvious set-up in the world. I know it seems silly to complain about a James Bond plot, but that’s how bad it is. It makes other plots seem logical.  Likewise any complaints about sexual politics seem silly, when the only purpose women play in a Bond movie is to either be boned and saved or be boned and die.  Here two women need Bond’s protection and by the final reel both women are dead and Daniel Craig is doing his patented stance with his legs three feet apart (as if his balls are too big for him to do otherwise) like he’s accomplished something.  People justifiably ripped Quantum of Solace, but at least in that he stopped the bad guy and uncovered a massive evil organization. Here, the bad guy Javier Bardem pretty much does everything he sets out to do.  Too bad the movie isn’t about him.

 

THE “C” IS FOR “COMEDY.” NO. NOT REALLY.

Wreck It Ralph is down to number two and as the voice of Wreck It Ralph is John C. Reilly who has always been kind of dramatic counterpart to Will Ferrell so it made perfect sense when they wound up together in Step Brothers.  Unfortunately for Ferrell, Reilly has had more success in comedy than Ferrell’s had in drama (anyone remember Stranger Than Fiction? Exactly.) and this is just another step in that direction.  Not that anyone gives you credit for voices in animated films. If that were the case Craig T. Nelson and Albert Brooks would have been megastars after The Incredibles and Finding Nemo, respectively.  And I can’t stress enough how even unseen, Sarah Silverman remains annoying.

 

TOGETHER AGAIN

Flight is down to number three and this reteams Denzel Washington and Don Cheadle who were so good together in Devil in A Blue Dress.  In fact, Don Cheadle was cheated out of an Oscar nomination for his great portrayal as the sociopathic “Mouse.”  Them together again is yet another reason I WILL SEE THIS! I swear!

 

STILL “TAKEN” YOUR MONEY. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

Argo is down to number four, followed by Taken, holding at number five because people just love, love, love Liam Neeson whooping ass.  And with $141M domestic alone from a $45M budget ($348M worldwide) they’re going to get a lot more of it.

 

A LOT OF FAT SCHLUBS OUT THERE

Here Comes The Boom actually rises to number six and I just have one question: why?  Who suddenly decided they needed to see a fat schlub get with one of the hottest women on earth in a heartwarming setting? Have they never heard of sitcoms where this happens all the time? Hell, Kevin James did it for years as The King of Queens.

 

CLOUD ATLAS, SKYFALL…I’M SENSING A THEME

Cloud Atlas is down to number seven and with Skyfall opening, this gives Ben Whishaw two films in the top ten.  If this film has a center it’s his portrayal as a libertine gay composer in England in the 30’s whose work “Cloud Atlas” gives the film its name.  His character is the most appealing and his story is the most compelling, lacking either a borderline campy performance or distracting make-up.

 

GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

Pitch Perfect jumps back into the top ten at number eight and I have to think between the election and the hurricane people wanted mindless distraction, hence this and Here Comes The Boom returning to the top ten.  But if that’s the case why is Man with the Iron Fists dropping to number nine? I can’t imagine anything more mindless.  I guess they want it bloodless and mindless. This would explain why Hotel Transylvania is still hanging around at number ten two weeks after Halloween.

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