WILL I SEE YOU TONIGHT ON A DOWNTOWN TRAIN

16 Jul

 

1. Ice Age 4/Fox                                                Wknd/$   46.0            Total/$   46.0

 2. Amazing Spider-Man/Sony                       Wknd/$   35.0            Total/$ 200.0

 3. Ted/Universal                                              Wknd/$   22.1            Total/$ 159.0

 4. Brave/Disney                                                Wknd/$   10.7            Total/$ 195.6

 6. Savages/Universal                                       Wknd/$     8.7            Total/$   31.5

 5. Magic Mike/Warner                                    Wknd/$     9.0            Total/$   91.9

 7. Madea’s Witness Protection/LGF             Wknd/$     5.6            Total/$   55.6

8. Katy Perry: Part of Me/Paramount           Wknd/$     3.7            Total/$   18.6

9. Moonrise Kingdom/Focus                          Wknd/$     3.7            Total/$   32.4

10. Madagascar 3/Dreamworks                     Wknd/$     3.5            Total/$ 203.7

 

IT COULD BE WORSE. IT COULD HAVE tCHRIS BROWN.

Ice Age 4: Continental Drift opens at number 1 and I stopped after the first sucky one and if you want a clue to how much these movies suck just note how hard they have to push their stars.  Does Pixar push their stars?  No.  It’s about the characters.  Ice Age pushes so hard because god knows you could give a shit about the characters.  Drake and Rhianna? Are you fucking kidding me?

 

HE SHOULDN’T BE IN THE AVENGERS ANYWAY

Amazing Spider-Man is down to number two and one of the reasons this reboot came so quickly is a) IT’S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS IN FUCKING HOLLYWOOD, YOU MORONS! And b) Sony had to get another Spider-Man movie out or the rights went back to Marvel, which is bad if you wanted to see him meet Captain America or Iron Man, but good if you wanted movies that stood alone and weren’t little more than prequels to another Avengers movie. Yes, I’m still bitter about that. It’s not like I get a cut of the $600M to ease my pain at getting half-assed movies designed solely to set up another.

 

COALS TO THE NEWCASTLE OF MY HATE FOR YOU

Ted is down to number three and also in this is Mila Kunis as Mark Walberg’s girlfriend and as you know the age disparity thing is a pet peeve of mine. Walberg gets to play 35 when he’s clearly in his 40’s, while they hire an actress who’s actually 30 to play 30.  Men get to play younger while women do not or actually play older.  I can’t blame Marky Mark because his last two female lead were Kate Beckinsale and Amy Adams who are his age, so it falls on Seth McFarlane who I don’t like any way and this just gives me another valid reason.

 

NOTICE HOW NO ONE THINKS CARS MEANT CARS DON’T SELL

Brave is down to number four and it’s not looking good as with a $185 budget, it has yet to double it worldwide, making it a rare disappointment for Pixar but yet another one for a female lead for Disney, the last being The Princess & The Frog.  Now, neither one of these films is that impressive, but that’s not what assholes in suits will see. They’ll see “Chicks don’t sell” and cite that crappy movies with dudes make money all the time.  Sadly they are right. Women simply don’t have the margin for failure that men do, plain and simple. With that in mind you’d think they’d have given this script another pass because the stakes are higher.  How can the same people who made Up look at this and think it was okay?

 

DIRECTED BY PROFESSOR HENRY HIGGINS

Magic Mike is holds at number five and the mystery as to why Alex Pettyfer was not part of the media onslaught has been revealed: Channing Tatum hates him.  See?  People skills matter.  Playing the female lead is Cody Horn, who is awful and most are seeing it as nepotism because her dad used to run Warner Brothers.  Personally I’m seeing a trend with Soderbergh going back to his first film, sex, lies & videotape. Andie McDowell couldn’t act either but he made it seem like she could and since then he’s kinda prided himself on casting lots of no-talent females and watched while people gushed over their performances with him while tanking everywhere else. Hell, he got Julia Roberts an Oscar and she can’t act worth shit.  Of course it’s doesn’t always work as Sasha Gray, Gina Carano and now Cody Horn have proven.

 

THE LEGGY BLONDE BEGETTING THE LEGGY BLONDE

Savages is down to number six and don’t tell me you’ve got a movie that’s over two hours and don’t have time to include the scenes with Uma Thurman as Blake Lively’s mom.  Now, that I might have paid to see.

 

SOME OTHER MOVIES…

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection is down to number seven followed by Katy Perry: Part of Me actually holding at number eight with Moonrise Kingdom likewise holding at number nine.

 

THE END. THANK GOD.

Finally, Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted closes out the top ten as there’s a newer mediocre animal film here now to take its place.

 

YES, THERE IS TIME FOR LOVE, DR. JONES

Now, not all science fiction is robots and space ships. Some of the best science fiction is about smaller yet still fantastic things that help speak to the human condition. Timer is an example of one of these. It’s about a world where a “timer” can be implanted into you arm and it will tell you how long you have until you meet the person you’re supposed to be with—but only if that person also has a timer. If it doesn’t, your timer remains blank.  Oona, played by Emma Caulfield who was Anya on Buffy, has a blank timer and tends to push every guy she dates without a timer into getting one, obviously with no success. On the other hand her sister has a timer that tells her she’s got 12 years until she meets her guy, so she’s just partying until that time comes.  They’re two sides of the same misery. Adding insult to injury, their 14-year-old little brother gets his timer and it tells him he’s going to meet the love of his in 24 hours.  This pushes Oona into the arms of a cute 20-something drummer/grocery clerk who’d asked her out even though his timer gives him just four months. Going against all her instincts, she decides to just enjoy being with him. In the meantime her party girl sister meets a widower with no timer at all and starts to fall for him.  You can see the twist that’s coming from a mile away, but it’s a nice little film that surprisingly doesn’t wuss on its ending which is optimistic but realistic. No great shakes but nice to see something beyond lasers and monsters in science fiction.

 

HE DIDN’T JUST LOOK GOOD, HE LOOKED GREAT

I’m also continuing with my fashion documentaries and just finished Vidal Sassoon: The Movie, which was wonderful, because the man lived an amazing life.  He grew up Jewish in the Depression in England, got an apprenticeship for free because he was polite, fought fascists in the streets in London after WWII which lead him to Israel to fight for the motherland. Came home to be a hairdresser and the rest is history.  He was as much part of the 60’s Swinging London as The Rolling Stones.  Grace Coddingtion the artistic director of Vogue was one of the models who made his work famous and vice versa.  One of his best friends was the woman credited with formally creating the mini-skirt.  An avid follower of physical fitness he was doing Pilates in the 70’s where he also had a talk show with his second wife.  He was 80 when the documentary it was made and looked 60, swimming and doing yoga like a man half his age.  It seems impossible that he’d be dead within a year, but sadly cancer doesn’t care.  Still wonderful he got to see this before he passed.

 

DON’T SLEEP IN THE SUBWAY, DARLING

So this week’s cultural trip was to the NY Transit Museum in Brooklyn and when you really understand the effort took to create the subway system as well as keep it running, you realize it’s a wonder it works at all.  Seriously.  It’s a staggering example of human achievement but all we can do is bitch about it because we’ve never known anything else.  I went because of a series of 18 watercolors about all the bridges around New York and while they were wonderful what was an unexpected pleasure was learning about the history of the city’s lifeline and I only scratched the surface.  I’ll have to look for that documentary about its creation on Netflix (‘cause I damn sure ain’t readin’ no books).  Speaking of the surface, it seems obvious now but I walked around for a few minutes before realizing the damn thing is entirely underground.  Of course it is! Duh.  And it’s huge. Just when you think you’ve seen it all there are another set of doors leading to another huge room filled with displays and dioramas and even full sized buses.  And under that is a station with subway cars from every era of the system’s 100 year history, complete with the ads from that time.  And it’s only $7.  Which I just happened to find on the ground that day so it was meant to be.

 

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